it's just a tits out kinda day, hangin with the lobster homie and the fuckin moon. some bat bitch creepin

I'm high as fuck at medieval times and trying so hard to look normal. My friend pointed at a QR code and went "What is the meaning of this Rune..." and I almost threw up trying not to laugh

Friends were doing a Bit where they boo the King and Queen bc they're antimonarchists and I got legit nervous like "Guys they're like RIGHT there, we're gonna get beheaded 😭😭😭" and when the servers showed up to sell glowy swords and stuff I sank into my seat like. "Omfgggg guys I told youuu"

They kept doing very immersive jeering like "DISHONORABLE" and "LET HIM TASTE YOUR STEEL!" and I started being like... guys this is so fucked up... This is people's lives...

"You could get up early and do it before work" I could also wait for a magic beanstalk to start growing in my living room LMAO. Let's focus on things that happen in the real world

They should invent a life that’s structured without being monotonous and challenging without being demanding and eventful without being stressful and peaceful without being boring

I have come to admit that my own toxic trait is that i DO hold a quiet disdain for people who think that putting flatpack furniture together is hard. Why is IKEA furniture in particular regarded as some Ultimate Test for Couples - "If you build it without killing each other, he's the one, haha!" ???? Like, listen, I get it, i've got a fuck'd wrist nowadays so I DO find that hammering peg A into slot B is considerably more difficult than it used to be, but the task ITSELF? It's like building lego, y'all. Except that at the end of it, you end up with not just some sort of miniature spaceship (admittedly very cool, if not particularly useful) but a functional and stylish side table. It's the perfect enrichment. I smashed together three Billy bookcases last summer with nothing but a screwdriver, a pencil, and the love in my heart, and I had the time of my life. Do you, too, not feel a thrill in your heart at the satisfying feeling of a cam lock twisting into place? Do not the tiny little crinkly bags of screws remind you of candy wrappers to be torn open and piled gleefully upon the floor, like a child at Halloween emptying your haul onto the living room carpet? Am I the freak, or are you? I am willing to accept the former but i die on this hill regardless

they really did make the throat to be vulnerable and easily wounded. some people would call this a design flaw but not those who can appreciate and understand like i.

decapitation! asphyxiation! a lovely resting spot for the edge of your blade! hickeys! she has it all and more! queen of sadomasochism her majesty the throat <3

The word you are looking for is “selfish.” Not narcissist, not sociopath, selfish.

I don't trust anyone who hasn't acknowledged their capacity for evil.

"I'm just a smol bean uwu" No sir, what you are is someone who is so habituated to thinking of yourself as innocent that you will continue to do so even when you're guilty.