How Wolfwood learned to stop worrying loved the bomb
The events in the Dragonâs Nest are one of my favorite parts of the story, because, well: involuntary transormation into The Thing! bugnapped Meryl! Wolfwood's blindfury battle! scared Milly, who goes to the rescue anyway! đ¤¤
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police departments love to be like "we need more money to fight all the crime that's been happening lately" and they show a graph with crime going up at then you look into the numbers and it's like "the ten percent increase in crime was correlated with a ten percent increase in active policing hours" and it's like oh okay so the crime factory needs more money because the crime factory stayed open late to manufacture more crime in order to convince us to give more money to the crime factory. Where can I get off this carousel of misery?
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and you know what? i am REALLY sick of these ads that are openly mocking people for being concerned about the products theyâre selling.
Amazonâs super bowl ad where the Alexa mocks Chris Hemsworth for being worried about giving spy software control over his entire life. Waymoâs ad with the intro âthe robots are coming!â mocking people who are rightfully extremely concerned about sharing the road with, or riding in, self-driving cars.
i donât know, itâs just genuinely insane to me. âOh, you have legitimate concerns about our shitty product? sounds like youâre just lame!!!â like what kind of âquiet part out loudâ marketing is that?
so this post blew the hell up â which is iâm sure a sign that things are very normal and fine and none of us are remotely frustrated by this kind of thing â but itâs given me time to think about how to articulate the SECOND thing that pisses me off about these ads, which is that they donât even bother to address the concerns.
i feel like any normal ad would go, for example, âi know youâve heard that this shaving cream might give you cancer. but it doesnât! and also it smells nice!â
but THESE ads mock you, and then go âanyway, your concerns are invalid because our self-driving cars that run over children at crosswalks have heated seats!â
it reminds me, in a much less comical way, of that scene from Emperors New Groove when the angel and devil on Kronkâs shoulders are having a debate, and the devil goes âdonât listen to that guy, because look what i can doâ and then does a handstand. Only these are real-life commercials. That they expect you to take seriously.
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rocky should be naked: an anthropological treatise
something maybe controversial that has been driving me BONKERS since the project hail mary book first came out that i finally just had to dig into my anthropology MA to bitch about:
it's fucking batshit that andy weir wrote the eridians as wearing clothes. there is no reason that eridians would ever develop something akin to human clothing.
like. do you know how long humans (not just hairy early hominin relatives of our, but straight-up anatomically modern homo sapiens) were rocking nothing but our birthday suits? LIKE NINETY THOUSAND FUCKING YEARS. HUMANS HAVE BEEN NAKED ALMOST THE WHOLE TIME WE'VE BEEN HUMANS, and we're famously leaky hairless apes, not hard-carapaced crab spiders with piston joints who live in boiling ammonia.
listen to me. the first hairless hominin was homo erectus, about 1.6mya. naked. anatomically modern humans like us evolved 350-270,000 years ago. also naked. when do we first have solid evidence for consistent human use of clothing (bc it's when the clothing lice genome evolves to diverge from the head lice genome lol)? only 170,000-83,000 years ago. before that? BUCKASS NAKED. and even when we did start using clothing? well, as we know from excellent textile archeologists such as elizabeth wayland barber, a LOT of early human clothing was likely more decorative than functional â i.e. the string skirts that you see on some of the 'venus figures' from the upper paleolithic, which were solely decorative but would NOT do anything for warmth.
now consider eridians, whose bodies are functionally impenetrable unless they're actively eating (which is a private activity anyhow), who are carnivores (thus having no need to cultivate plants â aka the source of most textiles â like humans do), who live on a planet with no sun exposure (so probably nothing like earth plants anyways) and no fucking seasons (no need for rain/snow protection!), who evolved to exist ONLY in very specific & stable temperature ranges (like most life on erid, per andy weir), who have five fucking hands to hold things, are famously so good at multitasking that doing just one activity sucks for them, and CANNOT FUCKING SEE!!!
so where the FUCK is eridians' evolutionary or social impetus to develop ANYTHING akin to clothing supposedly coming from? N O W H E R E. you heard me.
decoration like the celebration jewelry, absolutely â though notice that was clearly designed for its auditory qualities and ability to show up on sonar, not anything approaching the level of coverage that human clothing has. rocky's engineering lederhosen (leather! bc again, carnivores!) as a (evolutionarily speaking) modern development to help hold tools, yeah, totally. carapace carvings, 100%.
BUT THERE IS NO FUCKING REASON FOR THAT ROCK TO WEAR A SHIRT. in fact, it's way the fuck weirder that he DOES wear a shirt in the book! the movie was completely right to have a buckass naked rocky, there is no goddamn reason eridians would ever develop clothing, and the idea of a five-legged spider rock trying to put on a sleeved shirt makes me want to have a stroke. thank you for coming to my ted talk.