Caleb's back from the dead, but you're already with Rafayel
A/N: So ik it's Juneleb buuuut here's some angst
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“It’s you, pips. It’s always been you,” Caleb says, his red-rimmed eyes singing your skin.
“What?” you snap. Your jaw flickers, and you blink, refusing to glance at your longest friend.
“I thought you knew,” he whispers as his head falls into his hands. You stare at the necklace on his bedside table. It's the necklace that has tied the two of you together for years - a necklace you have spent hours staring at as you wished for this moment. Not like this though. Not too late.
Silence settles between you. You are used to quiet moments together - comfortable, loving, knowing - but this quiet sears into your chest cavity and burns your lungs. Breathing does not come easy, and your thoughts whirl around your mind in a tide you cannot control.
“I didn’t know,” you say finally. “For how long?”
“Always,” he says softly.
“It can’t be.” You shake your head.
“I guess not technically,” he says with a shrug. A clatter reverberates through the floorboards as someone drops something in the apartment below, but neither of you flinch. “I started to see you as more than a friend when we were teenagers, but it felt inevitable. Like I always knew I would fall in love with you, I just hadn’t realised it in my own mind yet.”
Your steely glare remains on the necklace as your cheeks flush. You don’t speak for a while, but when you do, your words cut. “Are you serious?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Seriously?” you repeat. You cannot find any other words. Years you have been in love with this man. Years you wasted, only for him to confess after you found someone new.
“Please don’t be angry with me, pips,” he says. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
For the first time, you allow yourself to turn to him fully. His elbows rest on his knees, and he holds his fingers in a steeple at his nose. His cheeks are wild and red. His eyes are swollen with unshed tears. You can almost hear your heart shattering in your chest.
“Why now, Caleb?” you say, your voice cracking. A feeble fist hits his shoulder, but in the same breath you grab his cheeks. His skin is fiery beneath your palms as you press your lips to his. Caleb’s eyes flash wide before he closes them gently, wraps his arms around you, and kisses you back. He tastes like home. Like a lifetime of unspoken words intermingled with the salt of your mingling tears. Your tongue is in Caleb’s mouth when you suddenly glimpse a beauty mark on the side of a nostril. Lilac waves splattered with royal blue paint. Sunset eyes crinkling as a dimple deepens beneath a cheekbone. Apple spice collides with ocean air, and you cannot breathe. You pull back from lips you could drown in. Lips so doused in nostalgia, your body aches.
Caleb searches your face, heartbreaking hope curdling with expectant heartbreak.
“It would have been you,” you say, your chest rising and falling.
“Y/N,” he breathes, and his fingers reach out to trace your jawline. His eyes follow the path of his fingers with reverence.
“If you had said something earlier, it would have been you,” you say again, and he snaps out of his trance. His nostrils flare, and his jaw sets. He swallows once, twice, and his face closes.
“Understood,” he says, and he stands. He opens the door for you. “I wish you and Rafayel all the best.”
“Caleb, please. It’s more complicated than that.” You do not move from your seat of rumpled bedsheets. Bedsheets now tainted with all the connotations you have tried so long to hide from each other.
“How complicated can it be?” he says. “It’s me or Rafayel. You’ve chosen Rafayel. It’s fine. I understand.”
“Can we still be friends?”
“I don’t think so,” he says, but then he sighs. “No, we’ll probably still be friends. I’ve let you hurt me time and time again. Why is now any different?”
Ice slithers over your skin. You are standing now, although you don’t remember getting to your feet. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“This constant game of cat and mouse. Does she like me? Does she not? She’ll cuddle with me all night, but by the time morning comes, she’s cold and distant. She looks at me like seeing me is the highlight of her life, but then she tells me about dates with other men. She kisses me like she needs me to breathe, but then tells me I’m too late, that a man she’s known for barely five minutes kissed her first so no take backs, sorry!”
“It’s not like that,” you say. “I love you, and I love Rafayel too. It’s complicated.”
He bristles at your words, although it is hardly discernible before he sets his mouth into a line of indifference. “As I said, how complicated can it be? You’ve made your point. You choose Rafayel. And that’s fine. You don’t owe me anything. I don’t ever want to make you feel like you do.”
“Caleb, I’m sorry. I know you’re hurting. I shouldn’t have kissed you,” you say, your eyes falling on the necklace once more. It feels like it is the last time you will ever see it.
“No. You shouldn’t have. Now, can you please leave?” he says.
“I’m here for you,” you say, a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t pretend to be fine. I always want to help put you back together when you’re breaking.”
“No, thank you. If you think I’ll still allow you to be there for me after the emotional rollercoaster you’ve put me through in the last ten minutes, you’re mistaken.”
thank you for reading!! :) I want to actually start sharing my writing which is ummm terrifying but I am currently writing an applefish novel, and this is a scene I just reworked, so may post more soon if i can get past posting anxiety
