sorens safehaven

STARRING: XAVIER SHEN

Sleep Well, Little Star | @loveanddeephistory

As someone who took a minute to warm up to Xavier, this firmly got me in the boat and helped me understand a lot of his characterization, especially because it’s so expertly done. I think the approach to the self aware trope is so incredibly interesting here that I’ve already re-read it a couple times. I absolutely love this fic and really consider this to be the fic that got me obsessed with Xavier.

Random Xavier Headcanons | @xaviersbunny

I think these bring some adorable and hilarious points of view on Xavier that might not seem obvious at first but are so true. Prepare to see xaviersbunny a few more times lol, her random headcanons are perfectly in character and I couldn’t leave them out.

Paper Rings (and All My Dreams) | @starryeyed-knight

The sentimental side of Xavier is one I think we don’t get to see very often, and I cannot express how much I love it whenever I get a glimpse. There’s something so intimate about this fic, it truly feels like a secret whispered between lovers.

Thrown to the Wolves | @xinghuisknight

This hurts in the best way possible. Each line in this fic is so beautifully written, it’s impossible to pick out a favorite quote. Everything about this is just masterfully done, and the emotions are so raw and real. It’s absolutely delicious.

Into the Sun | @starkissedxav

Xavier has such a subtle kind of care that I absolutely love to see. He’s so attentive and observant, and this fic makes sure that that aspect shines through. This fic is so wonderfully soft, it feels like a warm hug with every sentence. It holds a good reminder that although things may get heavy, there’s always someone to help lighten the load.

STARRING: ZAYNE LI

To Come Home | @mythblossoms

So domestic and sweet, this is what Zayne truly deserves. I love the way this fic is written, the subtle care and love feels like it’s woven into each sentence.

Random Zayne Headcanons | @xaviersbunny

These made me laugh so hard and manage to show some (albeit minor) faults in the typically picture-perfect Doctor Zayne. I love seeing different sides of him in these headcanons that aren’t front and center in a lot of the in-game cards.

Love Beyond the Game | @pawpurrin

I really love the self aware turned reverse isekai perspective of this fic, and it really kept me on the edge of my seat. I loved seeing the slow build of the relationship and all the comforting domesticity. The sad ending is so beautifully heartbreaking, and the happy ending is just perfectly warm, I love them both.

Learned by Heart | @deepspacenova

Zayne and his way of loving is captured beautifully here. I live for the domesticity of their love. And his little nerdy side is absolutely adorable (as expected lol). This is certain to make anyone fall in love with him, whether they’re a Zayne main or not.

More than Macarons | @miscellaneous-misty

Zayne is so pathetically in love in this fic, it’s absolutely adorable. Seeing him so unguarded is so much fun, it’s almost as if he’s letting out his inner child that’s never gotten a chance to shine. Even our most stoic doctor deserves a moment of relief <3

Two Halves of a Whole | @snowypi

What can I say, I love the yearning. And this fic might just be the personification of it. Seeing Zayne so (quite honestly) pathetically in love is so heartwarming. This sort of innocent love is hard to come by in the aptly-called Love and Depression, but seeing it here feels so natural. It’s just like a warm embrace.

My Love Mine All Mine | @zaynezone

This almost made me cry. The descriptions of the aftermath of a nightmare were perfect, and Zayne’s comfort was absolutely wonderful. I love seeing his authoritative care throughout, and the his comments about alternate universes really stuck with me. I just love this piece so much.

STARRING: RAFAYEL QI

Masks | @dissociativewriter

There are so many metaphors woven throughout this fic that I absolutely love seeing built upon as it continues. The use of masks to show Rafayel’s struggle to be himself felt so real and the depictions of depression felt so real. This is just such an interesting read that I’ve come back to read a few times.

Vlogger!Rafayel Tries to Survive a Week Without You | @jellyelle

The progression on this is absolutely perfect, it makes this fic such an entertaining read. I love Rafayel slowly descend into that pathetic loverboy who misses his cutie. A perfect amount of dramatization and realness combine to make a perfect characterization.

Precipices | @starryeyed-knight

There’s so much yearning in this fic and I love it so much. Abysswalker!Rafayel is such an interesting character, and being able to see through his nonchalant mask is wonderful. Combine that with beautiful prose, and this fic is just absolutely amazing.

His Hands, Your Sculptor | @soursugarbomb

This fic is just so beautifully poetic. It’s a wonderful examination of Rafayel’s character and the way he loves. His need to have this love last without slipping through his hands is heartbreaking, and the entire fic is just gorgeous. In my opinion, it’s a must-read.

Random Rafayel Headcanons | @xaviersbunny

These are sure to bring a laugh while also being so true to his character. There’s a unique perspective on Rafayel here that I think isn’t seen very often but is so so correct. I think this really shows that chaotic nature of his personality, and the vulnerability hiding not far beneath the surface.

Eye of the Beholder | @dissociativewriter

I really love the perspective on art and beauty here and I think it correctly shows how Rafayel would view it as well. It’s an unexpectedly comforting read with a lot of beauty to be found in such a short fic.

Submerged Devotion | @acaffeinated-constellation

Seeing it go from self aware to reverse-isekai is soooo cool. Lemurian Sea God Rafayel is so beautiful and terrifying to see, and I love the way he appears in this fic. Throughout this entire series, there is such creativity flowing through it that keeps me intrigued and on my toes.

Paparazzi and Parasols | @hirayalia

It’s just so cute to see Rafayel get flustered (I love his little blush!) but I really love the relationship dynamic they have going on here. I don’t see the bodyguard role come into play a lot in fics, and I love seeing it here. Plus Rafayel is so perfectly dramatic, this is just an adorably entertaining read all around.

STARRING: SYLUS QIN

Relentless Conqueror | @dragondelulu

This really captures the strategist part of Sylus’s character, and it perfectly meshes with the softness he holds for his love. Seeing him quickly adapting to life in a new world is so interesting to see, this fic is just perfect.

CEO!Sylus x Secretary!Reader | @souliloqui

Hilariously combining the Y/N & CEO trend with a delusion Y/N makes this one of the funniest fics I’ve read. Even through that humor, there are moments of vulnerability in the series that I love getting glimpses of, however brief. This is a spectacular read all around.

Crow Family Shenanigans | @dissociativewriter

Luke and Kieran as six year olds is something I didn’t know I needed, and yet I’m obsessed. Quiet family life with Sylus is absolutely adorable, and seeing him navigate the possibility of a new relationship even with his trust issues and desire to protect his sons is so interesting and wonderful to see.

Sylus’s Little Twins | @abyssyby

Urs gives Sylus the soft epilogue he truly deserves, and Lucian and Kyros are so insanely adorable, I can’t take it. Managing to make everything so intimate and yet silly is truly a gift, and this is a must-read for anyone, Sylus main or not.

Until You Are Ready | @atzeroo

Sylus’s insistence that his partner recognize their worth is displayed beautifully here, and in a way that is sure to comfort the reader as well. Though it nearly made me cry, this is a fic I’ve reread again and again due to the quiet beauty of it.

To Call | @terriblesoup

Seeing Sylus’s reaction to someone finally trusting him with their vulnerability is somewhat heartbreaking, and yet beautiful at the same time. I love this fic and I think it truly shows Sylus’s tendency to take care of those close to him, it’s all just so so sweet.

The Choices We Make | @thechaoticarchivist

I, unfortunately, have not yet read nearly as much of this series as I would have liked to. However, from the very beginning, it becomes so clear why everyone who reads this fic so highly recommends it. Masterful writing and an intriguing plot line make this an absolutely wonderful read. :)

Doomed | @dissociativewriter

Though some of the gore may be a bit difficult to get through, the raw devotion of this fic is beautiful. It nearly made me cry but it’s so worth it. Poetic throughout, the yearning and heartache makes this a wonderful read.

Sweetness | @terriblesoup

I really love quiet comfort with Sylus, and this fic might just be the personification of that. He always gives his lover the space to be themselves, and this really shows his need to have them come to him first. I think everyone needs an understanding like what Sylus gives here.

Oceans | @blessdunrest-deactivated2026042

Don’t worry, the link still works even though blessdunrest deactivated (I made sure it was a reblog lol). A wonderful snowcrow fic that puts Sylus’s insecurities at the forefront. I love the way it addresses his hesitance and blessdunrest always writes the most beautiful fics.

Random Sylus Headcanons | @xaviersbunny

To me these really let Sylus’s softer side shine through. Giggling at kids movies and being so willing to dote on his lover, it all just makes him seem more endearing. These headcanons seem nothing like the intimidating persona he often puts on, and yet they’re so in-character at the same time.

STARRING: CALEB XIA

Echo | @mythblossoms

This is such a beautifully crafted story. The depression is so real and viscerally depicted, and (without spoiling lol) the feeling that something is wrong follows you through the entire fic. It’s just expertly written and a wonderful read that had my head spinning.

His Hands, Your Gravity | @soursugarbomb

This is so gorgeously written that it honestly hurts. The way Caleb revolves around you, and the way you revolve around him in your own little universe is so beautiful. It’s just beautifully written, I’m afraid I’m at a loss for words.

Random Caleb Headcanons | @xaviersbunny

This really emphasizes Caleb’s different facets, although his habit of not taking care of himself is a moment of heartbreak in the midst of funny headcanons. Either way, Kenn once again nails characterization with some funnier perspectives.

Forget Me Not | @lowkeylaufeysons

Caleb is so disgustingly adorable in this and I am here for it. Seeing him have a naive sort of innocence, however brief, is absolutely wonderful. This is so sweet, seriously.

Making Up After a Fight | @starryeyed-knight

The aftermath of a fight always holds an interesting air, especially with such an intense character as Caleb. His devotion shines through, but even more so is his desperate reliance on MC. A wonderful hurt/comfort dynamic that I think sheds a lot of light on Caleb’s character.

Text Me Back When You Get Home | @someonestopsoren

This hurts so much. The grief, the feeling that something is missing, the regret is all beautifully written. I really enjoy any fics that show MC grieving Caleb, and the loss is so fresh in this fic that each feeling seems so real, like it’s happening to me.

Figured You Out | @deepspacenova

There’s something terrifying about this fic in a way that’s uniquely Caleb. His yandere tendencies dictate such a huge part of his character, and I think this fic expertly puts them front and center. It’s so interesting to read and really kept me on the edge of my seat.

Rely on Me | @mrsqins

I think this perfectly portrays the friction in Caleb and MC’s relationship after his return, as well as Caleb’s desperation to have her rely on him. Every reaction felt raw and real, and the shift from reliance to independence is so interesting to see.

MULTI

Meet Cute Scenarios | @chronosdawn

Each scenario is so cute (as the title suggests) it makes my heart hurt. Each interaction is so different and yet perfectly fits the kind of relationship I think each Love Interest would encourage. It seems like a view into a much softer world than that of the Love and Deepspace universe, and one I would definitely recommend.

Soulmates?! | @starkissedxav

This is absolutely adorable. Little glimpses of vulnerability combined with some flustered-ness makes this so sickeningly sweet. And there are some beautiful lines in here to boot. Just a wonderful read all around.

LADS Men Read Thirst Tweets | @jellyelle

This is so incredibly funny, I love it so much. Zayne misunderstanding everything is hilarious, Rafayel consistently mentioning his bodyguard is so evil of him, Sylus living up to his grandpa nickname is perfect, Xavier being so naive is adorable, and Caleb just feeding into everything is so mischievous. This is just so perfect, I love it.

Falling For You | @heartofafiend

To me, this really is a great examination on how the Love Interests love and what they tend to focus on. Each of them have a tendency to almost worship their significant other, and this fic picks apart how they would go about that. Plus it’s so, so sweet.

Oh, You’re a Disaster, Aren’t You? | @xxfrozenpearlsxx

I think this fic really shows each Love Interest’s desire to take care of their lover and the different ways they go about it. The comfort and subtle authority is just so perfectly in character, I found this to be a wonderfully heartwarming read.

Unnatural Affinity | @dissociativewriter

This is a perspective on isekai that I don’t see very often. I love the feelings of dissociation littered throughout and it truly keeps you on your toes. Heartbreaking at times and comforting in another, this is definitely a unique read that I keep coming back to.

At the Beach | @lunarify

Pure fluff that I think shows the kind of softness the Love Interests deserve in a relationship. I absolutely love seeing them away from the stress and pressure of their normal lives, and what better way to decompress than a day at the beach with their lover? ;)

Thunder Muffin | @gardenialily

This has to be the funniest Love and Deepspace fic I’ve read. The dynamics of each Love Interest combine beautifully here into a dramatically funny AU that I can’t wait to see more of.

What Will Happen to the LADS Men When You Finally Choose? | @snowypi

You couldn't think straight, head thrown back as his thick cock filled your pussy to the brim when you dropped down, moaning and gasping, utterly consumed by the heat of pleasure. Your hand trailed up his torso, nails digging into the flesh and leaving deep crimson lines over the dips and highs of muscles. When you looked at him, Caleb was already staring at you, arms tied up to the headboard of your shared bed, dark hair tousled, and his unnerving violet eyes, burning as his body arched against the bed when you lifted yourself up from his cock only to sink back down.

Beautiful...

Caleb looked beautiful, sweat glistening on his forehead, arms flexing against the restraint, which was his own tie you had slipped off earlier. He groaned, feeling you clench around him, legs bending to support your back, and his toes curling into the mattress. "Oh fuck- baby~"

His chest heaved with a gasp, mouth falling open, and he closed his eyes to unravel in the most delicious feeling of your tight walls clamping around him and wrapping around him, your weight on his lap and the wetness that smeared on his pelvis.

"C-Caleb..." You moaned, clutching your tits and looking down at him with a smirk, knowing that he wants to do it for you but can't. He didn't care for the way the tie tightened around his wrist, but he had also forgotten that he could easily rip the fabric apart and grab hold of you if he wanted to.

He was right where he wanted to be...

"Yeah, baby, ride my cock like a good girl." He moaned, and his hips stuttered. You whimpered, the thick head of his cock nudging further into you. Your thighs burned and trembled when you lifted yourself up again, leaning forward and draping yourself on top of him. He caught your mouth in a searing kiss, headboard creaking when he tried to lift off the bed to grab you.

A giggle escaped you at his attempt and pulled back to grind down on his shaft, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and around. Caleb's eyes were blazing when he growled, a bead of sweat dripped down the curve of his neck to pool at the base of his throat. You licked it right off the column. Your pace was eratic and it was absolutely betraying you.

"Hnghhh Caleb..." You gasped. "Your cock is so big I could cum right now..."

"Yeah? Go on, baby... make yourself cum all over me." He hummed, knowing that your legs are giving out, smirking. A moan slipped from him, low and reverberating through your core, and he leaned back and sunk on to the mattress. There is an evil smirk tugging at his lips. "But seems like you are getting tired, pipsqueak?"

"Shut up..." You refused to let him know your body was getting exhausted chasing the pleasure, every nerve on fire and every muscle pulled taut at the movements of you bouncing on his leaking cock.

However, he already knew it.

When your pace slowed to catch your breath and let your legs rest, you are hauled up into the air, all the way off his cock, only to drop back down. The cry that tore from your chest echoed in your room, and you glared at Caleb to see how he untied his restraints. But- oh... his arms are still perfectly tied up against the headboard.

"C-Caelb what-" You couldn't finish the sentence before your weight was lifted off once more and dropped down, cock pulsing as it speared right into your pussy with a filthy squalch.

Evol- You mind hazily wrapped around the shimmer of his evol. He was using his evol to move you. Freaky bastard.

"Caleb- fuck!"

"That's a good girl, letting me fuck you onto my cock, huh..." Caleb grunted, thighs pressed against your back. His back arched once again at the way your nails dug down onto his shoulders as you were once again pulled up and down onto his cock, evol levitating you like you weigh nothing more than just air. "What is with a power if I can't even please my girl with it? Hmmm, pipsqueak?"

You could barely form a coherent word, pussy beginning to spasm around him, fluttering and tightening around him like a vice. "Gonna cum...C-Caleb... 'm gonna-"

Caleb bucked, your hips coming down to meet with his thrust, and you whole body caved and opened, a white hot pleasure spearing up your spine and spread through your core till your eyes closed and ears rang. You cried out, going rigid and missing out on the way he filled the condom with his release. "Fuck- fuck- fuck- baby..."

His body jerked, wrists tugging at the tie and body heaving with his laboured breath. Sweat streamed down his arms and his neck all the way down his torso, glistening. You fell limp over him, pussy still clenching at the overwhelming pleasure that swelled within you. You were trying to catch your breath when you felt him breathily laugh beneath you. "Should have done that a long time ago..."

Caleb said, kissing your forehead and nuzzling close despite his tied arms. You exhaled, arms weakly trying to hold you as you lifted yourself up and leaned over to untie his hands. The knot came undone, and he stretched his wrists and flexed his fingers, blood rushing back to them.

"You were insane to actually do it..." You huffed, and his hands apologetically rubbed your back, fingertips pressing against the dipped line of your spine.

"I'd like to think myself clever for it, actually, pipsqueak. Your legs were getting tired." He said, kissing you slowly, tongue slipping in between your lips and finding yours. A soft hum escaped you and you could feel his cock rising back to life inside you already.

"Caleb, what the hell?!"

“Well, get up and help me look for it. I’ve searched the entire house five times and still haven’t found it.”You grabbed his bicep and pulled him up before he could protest.

He blinked at you in silence. “Alright, alright.” He placed his pen down. “You check the kitchen, bathroom, and your bedroom. I’ll do mine, and the living room.” He held his hand out and you shook it. He looked entirely too serious for someone searching for a missing phone.

It was barely ten minutes later when Caleb heard a faint vibration coming from your sage green couch.

The phone itself wasnt visible at first. Frowning slightly, he leaned in and pushed an arm into the narrow gaps between the cushions, searching blindly.

Another vibration cut through the cushions.

Closer.

His hand paused.

And there it was.

His lips parted, ready to call your name in triumph when the phone lit up, vibrating yet again.

“Okay but be honest y/n… is he always this intense or is it just for you?”

Caleb freezes. Who is he?

Another notification followed.

“No seriously because your roommate gave me a 10 second stare when I said hi to you last week. Should we be worried?”

Oh. Caleb is he.

“…not yet,” he muttered under his breath, answering you when you called from the other room asking if he’d found it yet.

“Come clean y/n, are you guys married or is this some experimental domestic situation?”

His breath hitched.

He almost stepped out of the room to hand you the phone and pretend he had seen nothing, but another notification rooted him in place.

“But no seriously, you can’t keep calling him cute when he’s clearly a menace.”

…Cute?

“Oh please she’s far down the rabbit hole.”

Another message directly followed.

“She has a whole album of his forearms and biceps. Be worried about the real menace here.”

Caleb could feel heat creeping up his neck.

He stared at the screen for a long second.

Then, against his will, he let out a quiet laugh.

“Caleb have you found it yet-“ You stood at the door of the living room, eyes flickering between Caleb and the phone in his hand.

“You found it!”

“Technically.” His gaze refused to meet yours.

“You found the phone long ago, didn’t you?” Your eyes narrowed.

A pause.

His silence was enough of an answer.

“Technically.” He nodded, biting back a smile.

From his hand, the phone vibrated again.

Both of you looked down.

A new message lit up the screen.

“Y/n remember when you said you’d forgive Caleb for literally anything if he just smiled at you.”

“Give me that!” You half shrieked.

“Nuh uh.” He leaned back slightly, holding the phone just out of reach.

You snatched the phone from his hand, pulling it to your chest as you scrolled through all the messages.

Color drained from your face.

“You… you didn’t just read all of that did you?”

He smiled at you.

Slow.

Easy.

Infuriatingly calm.

“Well,” he said, tilting his head slightly, “your friend did say you’d forgive me for anything if i smiled at you.”

A pause.

His smile widened just a little.

dragging your hips forward and back, you lay one hand on shoulder, the other on his cheek. 

on instinct, he nuzzles into your palm. when his eyelids flutter closed, you lean in and kiss him breathless. but as soon as he links your tongues together, you pull back and bounce in his lap two times fast, giggling at the pained moan that floats through the air.

“please,” he begs. 

you press your lips to the corner of his eye, trailing a crescent down his cheek. when you reach his mouth again, you roll your hips so deep that you can feel what it does to him—the way he chokes on air, the way his heart stutters in his chest. still, he refuses to break from you, relishing any contact you'll allow him.

again, you pull away first, to his dejection.

“what do you want me to say? already said sorry,” he slurs, leaning close just for his lips to brush the bottom of your chin. caleb frowns at the lack of contact. you tap his nose, and his frown deepens further. 

“take it back,” you order. 

confusion and want clash on his face. “huh?” 

“i affect you more. say it.”

he swallows. sparks of rebellion light in his violet eyes, but ultimately fizzle out. 

he sobers up some as he holds your gaze, and you welcome the quickening pulse in your center. “everything you do makes me like this,” he admits. “your voice, your scent—even when i just think of you, i almost…”

his reluctance spoils your excitement. huffing, you thread your fingers in his hair and tug, pulling a low groan from his throat. 

“you almost what? keep going.”

“i—” his eyes rove over you, frantic, troubled. when you tug his hair again, harder this time, his face falls in a mix of shame and agitation. “please,” he grumbles in defeat. 

you take in his flushed face, sweat-slick skin, and the rapid rise and fall of his firm chest. the quivers of the muscles that could so easily dominate you.

cooing softly, you pinch his cheek. “caleb?” 

“yes?” he rasps. 

“don’t tease me like that again. it makes me feel needy, and then i have to prove you wrong.”

despite himself, he chuckles. “yeah. yeah, okay,” he answers shakily. “i’m the needy one.” 

nodding in acceptance, you lean in to kiss him, giving him all that he wants this time. when he pushes his tongue past your lips, you soothe his desperate one with your own, rewarded by a soft sequence of moans. 

humming, you break away and tap his grey boxers. “these stay on. i’m still mad.”

“you know i’ll take anything,” he breathes.

“won’t you?”

granting him the gift of friction, you swivel your hips with abandon, grinding your core against his ever-hardening length. in a matter of moments, he screws his eyes shut tight, abdomen flexing into stone beneath you. as warmth flows through your clothes, he throws his head back in relief, consumed by the release he's been aching for. 

while he steadies his breathing, you kiss his brow and roll off to the side. your eyes catch on the wet patch spreading in his lap. “good?” you ask.

“good.”

But now, as the slow four weeks went by, his profile never seemed to have turned online or read your messages. You knew what was happening, unfortunately. You knew that Caleb battled his own mind with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and trauma, especially trauma. So he'd, on instinct, just close himself up.

And though very alarming at first, you knew he’d come crawling back into your arms and tell you everything after a few hours, or usually up to a few days.Which then he’d reply to every singular message you texted him in an almost annoying way, but that was Caleb.

So where was your Caleb? 

Something wasn’t right, your heart fluttered, and desperate to wrap the mission up as quickly as possible, you returned a day and a half early back to Linkon where you didn’t miss a beat and immediately booked the skytrain to Skyhaven after quickly showering, changing into more suitable clothes instead of looking like you survived war. You didn’t need to pack much.

Literally just a small purse and a phone to spend preferably, no, actually three weeks. Because you were requesting some time out of office, with a sob story that you had priorities, Caleb.

Your heart ached every time you thought about his sad puppy eyes and if he had ears, deflating in desolation as you kissed him a long goodbye.

You couldn’t articulate why just two months away was so long, considering you’ve reunited after a whole year of grieving for his “death” but nevertheless, it seemed longer because it took a toll on him.The moment the train reached Skyhaven plaza, you bolted out, turned back around to retrieve your purse you accidentally left, and took anotyou slow transit bus to Caleb’s residence. And now you were there, hoping endlessly that there was a sign of him fine. You had to physically shake your head from those thoughts.From the doorframe, his penthouse looked messy. Boots looked like he just tossed them carelessly when they were usually aligned neatly on the shoe rack. Dirty dishes piled up in the sink and even the counter beside the sink and dust collecting everywhere. And the thought his you..

You rapped on the door softly, in the way you and Caleb always did since childhood to let each each other know that it was them. Long, short,short, long. Originally it was a whole ritual, but this was just the shortened version you shortened throughout the years.

There was still heavy breathing, almost as if the person behind was gasping for air.You push the door open, and let out a sharp exhale, the colour that was drained from your face slowly seeping back. Your clammy hands felt more relaxed. Caleb, but worry still wrote all over your face. You walk closer to the bed, and he’s tossing and turning, mumbling incoyouent things.

You kneel onto the bed, your weight slightly sinking the mattress. He was having a nightmare, wasn’t he? 

You’ve danced to this before, and you were basically a professional on how to handle Caleb. You stroke the back of his bedridden hair before your hand trying to nudge in the space between him sleeping on his front and the wrinkled sheets. Your hand could feel soft prickles all over the lower part of his face. 

He must’ve not looked at his face for quite a bit you thought, but you didn’t care how he looked at the moment. “Caleb..” you softly whisper out, and he tensed a little from your voice or his dream, you weren’t sure. He looked rough. Like he hasn’t been sleeping well in days. Part of you wanted to snuggle in with him and console him until it was all over, another part was screaming that you needed to wake him up.

 “Guess who’s ho-ome.” You softly sing out, not wanting to startle him, that could be the worst possible outcome for someone like him. His breath staggers a little in return before his eyes try to flutter open.

And when they did, his once bright violet eyes looked numb. Sad and soulless. Like his brain had been offline.

“Hey baby.”

You whisper down at him. He sits up, sort of robotically before he really wakes up, and when he does?

“Pipsqueak?” His hoarse voice rasps out, his eyes widening and his imaginary ears that drooped low the last time you “saw” them, perked up. Tears rimmed around the bottom of his eyes. You gently smile and hold his hand.

“Yeah, I’m here now.” And those tears threaten to spill out waterfall, as he immediately wraps his arms around you so quickly you almost fall back onto the sheets. You shakily chuckle as he sobs into the crook of your near, warm tears running down your collar bone. His stubble pricks a bit of your neck, but you couldn’t care less as you finally wrap your arms around his broad back as he shakes, your heartstrings threatening to just snap off from heartbreak.

“My pretty boy..” you trail. He doesn’t let go for a good three minutes, in fact, tightening his grip around you as if you’d disappear again before you feel his hands loosen and he collapses onto you, and the both of you fall back into the sheets. 

You giggled unsure how to react as you hold back tears of your own. And you get back up and notice how rough he looked. Apart from his puffy eyes, heavy eye bags drooped under his almost emotionless eyes that you shuddered seeing, and his stubble around him told you everything you needed to know.

He didn’t smell like his usual scent of sweet apples and a warm July evening. No, it seemed like he wasn’t able to physically shower.

He had an old faded DAA university hoodie that looked like that was the only thing he’s worn. And with dirty sweatpants. You tried being discreet as possible but Caleb noticed you eyeing him up and down and became very self-conscious. He awkwardly placed a hand at the back of his neck and looked around at the usually clean but now very messy room.“I..I found it hard to..” he was about to mumble, looking embarrassed but you cradle the right side of his cheek.

“I get it.” And that’s all you had to say before his glossy eyes almost took over as he tremoured to shakily explain himself.

“It was already hard enough ‘fore you left an’ then…then..I don’ know wha’ happened..” Your heart broke at the thought of him silently struggling alone.

“Why didn’t you text me back? I was worried sick.” You asked.

“Couldn’t bring myself to do it. Thought I was being clingy. What kind of boyfriend or man is so clingy, he.. he can’t live without his girlfriend..?”

“My Man.” You whisper.

He looks up to meet with your eyes.

“I couldn’t take it, what if you were..you were.. an’ if by texting you, I’d be more scared.. and..” “you were trying to protect yourself in a way.” You finished off for him, because even though he was jumbling his words, you could always understand him. 

He nods, defeat and past anxiety dancing in his eyes. You let out a breath and know what you have to do. “Come on, when’s the last time you took a shower?” And you lead him up, in which he sort of stumbles before using his evol to balance him out, which then makes you really wonder how long it’s been since he got out of bed. He is a little flustered, looks at the ground before murmuring.

“ ‘round a few weeks..” like he was waiting for you to judge him. But you didn’t. Didn’t even make a joke about how bad he smelt. You lead him to the bathroom and turn on the shower knob, not making it hot or cold, just warm in general. You have to physically drag him in, as he sort of follows you, a little clueless. You rub the palm of his hand and gesture to him to get in.

“Want me to stay or to leave?” You ask. “Stay.” He sniffles and you help him out of his clothes, quickly running to the washing machine to throw in (violently). You stay outside, holding a towel as you sit on top of the elongated bathroom marbles counter, smiling at him in which he’d return a weak smile back.

Once he finished up after gently reminding him time was up, you handed him the towel to cover himself and hold up a couple of hygiene supplies. You hold up a razor, your face wash and some of your skincare that you once jokingly(?) warned him to not use, though it was clear he didn’t heed your warnings and just replaced them before you came.

“I’m really getting spoiled today, huh?” He attempted a grin and you were happy just seeing a smile. Fake or not.“It’s part of the girlfriend care package?” You wink and smile. And a few moments later, you have him in between your legs dangling from the counter as you shaved the stubble off.

“You honestly look cute with it, but you also look like a sleep-deprived dad.” You joke, as with utter precision and care you avoid nicking him. “You really think I’m cute when I’m like this?” He slowly whispers. The dark blue razor is just upheld in your hand, in the air as you think about what to say. Because just complimenting him wasn’t…deep enough.

You looked back up at him and smiled as you carried on with the last part of his face.“Caleb, do you think I’m pretty?” You softly tease with the question hanging in the air. He looks up, almost surprised, voice raspy from days of silence. “Yeah,Of course.”You smile for a heartbeat really trying to keep it in but then your expression falters. He looks thinner, the edges of him dulled and you really notice how his eyes are red-rimmed and hollow. The air smells like dust and stale coffee.

“Then… why don’t you ever believe it when I tell you you’re handsome?”Caleb blinks, thrown. You lean in forward and cup his face in both hands. your thumb drags gently over the rough stubble along his jaw, the texture of raw neglect.

“You used to shave. Remember when we were kids? You used to smile like an idiot when I called you beautiful? Now you look at yourself like you’re something broken.”

Your boyfriend opens his mouth, but the words stick in his throat. You shake your head, eyes glistening.

“You are enough. You always have been. You’re my favorite face in the world. The way your eyes light up when you talk about childhood, Lego buildings, just teasing me, the way you laugh like it surprises you every time,God, I missed that. I missed you.”

your voice trembles and you press your forehead to his. “You don’t know what it did to me, seeing you like this. You’ve been torturing yourself, haven’t you? Thinking I wouldn’t come back, or that you weren’t worth waiting for.”

he doesn’t answer. His silence says everything. Your hands cup his cheeks tighter.

“Listen to me. You’re kind. You’re gentle. You love like it’s the only thing you know how to do. You take care of people even when you’re falling apart. You’re the best man I’ve ever known, and I hate that you can’t see that.”

your voice cracks, tears running freely now.

“So yeah, I’m pretty. But you—” your thumb traces his now cleanly shaven cheekbone, trembling “—you’re beautiful. Not because you look perfect, but because you love like this. Because you feel like this. Because you survived it.”

He finally exhales, a sound between a sob and a breath, and collapses into you. His hands clutch you like she’s the only thing keeping him from disappearing.

“I just thought…you… my pipsqueak would leave her Gege if you ever saw me like this.” He mumbles.

“Never, especially when you’re like this.” You whisper. “I stopped checking my phone. Every time it buzzed, I froze. If it wasn’t you, it just… hurt too much.”

You tilt his chin up until he meets your eyes. “I was gone, but I never left you. Not for a second. He gives a soft, broken laugh, forehead pressed to yours. “You’re the only thing that makes me feel real.” Caleb whispers.“This is all real, Caleb. Me sitting on your bathroom counter, coercing you into using my face scrubs, I’m here.”

You press a long, deliberate kiss to his cheek. It feels like time stood still as he leaned into your touch, exhaling as his arms rightfully found his way to your waist. You pull back, and he almost elicits a whine before you give him a watery smile, sniffle as you rub your nose and jump off the counter.

“I think it’s time to get you home-cooked food. Don’t pretend I didn’t see plastic plates and McDonald’s take out bags in the trash.” Your boyfriend smiles as you guide him back to bed, tucking him in with a fresh set of pajamas like a mother hen. You plant a kiss on his forehead, temple and lips after stroking his hair a little bit

. You hum a tune, a slow and sweet one. That one song you and him both discovered once upon a time of early dating. The memories of dancing together,barefoot with pajamas in the middle of the night as popcorn for midnight-munchies were being heated.

His eyes flutter shut, and you slip out after picking up a couple of clothes from the floor and sorted them either into the washing hamper, or back in his closet, neatly tucked and colour coded like he meticulously arranged them. Your work wasn’t done even if you just put your darling to sleep.

You were determined to wash all those dishes, piled after pile. And tackling the garbage from the bin and scattered all over the floor. And an hour of humming tunes where you swore you could hear Caleb very off-key harmonizing with you in the back of your mind, this apartment was clean.

Caleb was safe and clean. It would take him a large amount of time to slowly climb out of this slump, and you’d be sure to let him know that you were there with every little step of the way.

“Baby?” You hear his faint croak. You walk back to the bedroom, peeking your head from the doorframe. “Please..come here.” The bed feels different tonight.warmer, quieter, safer. The air still smells faintly of your shampoo, the one scent that hadn’t entirely disappeared from his sheets.

He lies on his side, back pressed against your chest, your arm wrapped snugly around his waist. His breathing is uneven, still learning how to slow down after two long, hollow months. You can feel the exhaustion in his body, the way his muscles tense even as he tries to rest.“I’m sorry,” he whispers into the dark.You blink, half-awake, your voice groggy but gentle.

“For what?”He hesitates, fingers twisting in the blanket like he needs something to hold onto. “For looking like this,” he finally murmurs. “For letting everything fall apart. I thought you’d come back, see me, see the place, and just… want to leave. I figured you’d want to do other things. Be with someone who didn’t—” He stops, voice breaking in the quiet. “—who didn’t fall apart so easily.”

Your heart cracks.

You tighten your arm around him, pulling him closer until your chest presses to his back and your lips are right by his ear. “Hey,” you whisper. “Look at me.”He hesitates, then rolls slightly, enough for his eyes to meet yours in the soft light seeping through the curtains. His face looks so tired,his cheeks a little sunken, his eyes rimmed with the kind of ache you can’t sleep off.“You think I came all this way to judge you for surviving?” you ask quietly. “You think I care about dishes or dust or any of that? 

You were alone, hurting, trying to hold yourself together when you thought I might never come back. Of course things fell apart. You were hurting.”

You reach up and brush your fingers through his messy hair, thumb resting at his temple. “I didn’t fall in love with you because you had it together all the time. I fell in love with you because of how you love,because even when you’re breaking into pieces, you still care.”

His breath stutters, eyes glistening as his chest rises and falls like he’s trying not to cry. You lean in, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, then another to the corner of his mouth.“You didn’t scare me off,” you whisper.

“You make me want to stay.”That’s when he breaks. His shoulders shake as he turns in your arms, hiding his face against your collarbone. You hold him tighter, your fingers tracing circles across his back. His voice comes out small, muffled against your skin. “You don’t know how bad it got.”

You swallow hard, steadying your voice. “Then show me,” you say. “Let me see all of it. We’ll fix it together, okay?”He nods against you, trembling a little. You press your lips to his hair. “You don’t have to be perfect for me to love you,” you murmur.

“You just have to be here.”He exhales, slow and shaky, and the tension finally leaves his body. You keep tracing patterns along his arm, whispering into his hair, “We’ve got time now. No more counting days. No more empty bed. Just us.”

He doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t need to.

You can feel it in the way he melts into you, the way his breathing evens out. For the first time in months, he drifts off in your arms,safe, quiet, and finally home.

the bride of the sea god didn’t require a kiss every time she submerged beneath the surface of the ocean, lungs accustomed to the viscosity of the water due to the bond.

rafayel still chose to seal his lips over yours when he invited you to a romantic swim date, sturdy hand gently dragging your body into the waves as he breathed life beneath your ribs with a kiss.

…so why were you like this?

why were you limp against the damp sand, eyes staring soullessly into his storming orbs as he pressed and pressed and pressed both his palms onto your chest, trying to resuscitate your dead body.

“my pearl, please…” he begged between harsh gasps of air, entire body quivering on top of yours as he pushed against your upper torso with all his might. “please, i can’t lose you again.”

heavy globs of tears traversed down his cheeks, looping over his trembling lips and dripping down to your paler skin. you were completely unresponsive, body spasming into the sand solely because of rafayel’s strength.

“i c–can’t– why?” he punctuated with a harsh intake of air, fastly filling his lungs and leaning down to kiss your lips.

to pass life, as he always did.

your chest puffed slightly from the air, but... that’s all it did. there was no movement, no reaction.

no sign of life in you.

“why, why, why, why?” at last, exhausted from the compressions, rafayel chanted like a mantra the question plaguing his mind.

guilt eating at his heart, whole being shaken by grief and terror, he toppled over your body and cried loudly into your cold shoulder.

you were dead and he would never know why.

you were dead and he would forever blame himself for it.

you were dead because you were not the sea god’s bride.

his kiss did bring you temporary life, but also eternal slumber.

©pearlescenthoney 2026. do not copy, translate, or claim any of my writings or works as your own.