with a hint of honey

Markiplier not partnering with Honey because he didn't understand how its business model was profitable with how much it spent on advertising demonstrates a level of thoughtfulness that seems absent in a lot of youtubers.

Yeah I love manipulating my friends for my own gain, the gain is called "hanging out", obtained via such cruel tactics as "showing interest in stuff they like" and "being generally complimentary and charming"

Actually my favorite replacement for both 'kill myself' jokes and jokes about reacting violently to things/people that upset me is "I'm going to end up on the news" like it's versatile, it's vague, it's not going to get me in trouble with any censors or websites that take joke threats seriously, it's family friendly while still getting the point across, what's not to love???

If you have Spotify reblog this and tag what your number one song on your “on repeat” playlist is.

this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] put on the best talent show this towns ever seen

we do need to revisit the wording of "you can't have your cake and eat it too" because i don't think it clearly enough conveys that it's more that you can't simultaneously retain a cake and also get to consume it (which would render you cakeless). for years i was like But why not....it's my cake....?

this fucking problem is how they caught the unabomber

hey you should uh. elaborate. for my own personal satisfaction

the unabomber was pedantic about idiomatic phrases like "have your cake and eat it too" and rephrased it to "eat your cake and have it too" (which to be very fair makes sense). fast forward to when he starts writing manifestos. he uses the phrase word for word in his pedantic style and his brother (who has been keeping his eyes on the unabomber shit for obvious reasons) notices the phrase and is like "oh fuck that's my fucking brother no one else fucking says that" and calls in an FBI tip

I'm often struck by the thought that even if Hozier hadn't made it in music, the likelihood of him becoming famous as a dril-level internet cryptid comedian was still extremely high

Didn’t even realize this was Hozier until I saw the second comment. I was gonna reblog it anyway because he’s correct

craving cheese is so humbling like ok rat

“I’ll just rest my eyes” is the biggest lie you’re going straight to snorkmimimi land

“I’m going to sleep” is the biggest lie I’m going to stare at my ceiling for the next three hours