Alex (Sondheim’s Version)

In which Bob doesn't realize he has nothing to be jealous about.

Warnings: High School AU! Jealous yet very oblivious Bob, and he has no gaydar whatsoever

W.C.: 1.8k

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The moment the cast list for Legally Blonde went up at lunch, the entirety of the Dagger Squad- nicknamed that as they all grew up on Dagger Road- cheered so loud that several teachers peeked outside their classrooms to see what all the ruckus was, closing their doors again when they saw it was just the Daggers.

By the look of it, one would assume all of them had gotten leading roles. But really only one had even auditioned, and she had in fact gotten a lead.

The lead.

Elle Woods.

Jake grabs her by the shoulders and hugs her tight, like a proud older brother. "Knew you'd get it, pipsqueak!"

She laughs and shoves him off, stepping up to sign her name next to her part on the cast list.

They all hug her or ruffle her hair, giving excited congratulations.

"Guess I'll be spotlighting you this year," Bob grins, a shy, pretty thing as he hugs her.

Bob has been the main spotlight operator since sophomore year, after being trained for it during freshman year.

"Guess you will be," she agrees, enjoying the warmth of him through his flannel shirt.

"Jeez Bob, stop hogging your girlfriend, some of us want to hug her too!" Natasha teases.

Bob lets go of her as though he's been burned, cheeks flushing red as he mumbles, "she's not- we're not-"

Javy claps a hand on his shoulder. "She was joking, Bobby. Calm down."

Her cheeks warm too, and she playfully pinches Natasha as she pulls her into a tight hug.

"Who's playing the other guy? The main one, what's-his-face?" Bradley asks.

"His name is Emmett and he's being played by..." she scans the cast list, "Ethan Peterson. Oh, he's good! That's not surprising."

Bob feels a striking jealousy bubbling in his chest at the idea of another guy getting to be her love interest. Not that he himself has the confidence to have auditioned, but still.

And that jealousy unfortunately only got worse. Bob snapped several pencils while taking lighting notes, watching Ethan drape his jacket over her shoulders before Chip On My Shoulder, watching her doll him up for Take It Like A Man, and especially the first time they sang Legally Blonde together. Sitting in his room studying for his AP

Calculus test, Natasha sitting on the floor going over notes her coach gave her about their recent soccer game, he feels like he's slowly losing his mind.

He sighs deeply and Natasha groans. "Okay, what is up with you? That's your fourth deep sigh in the last five minutes."

"Nothing, I'm just tired." He lies, closing his textbook with a huff.

"You're really bad at lying, you know?" Nat says, watching him take off his glasses and aggressively rub his eyes, a habit that only shows when he's irritated, which isn't very often, so it's obvious when he is.

"'M not lying," he mumbles, flopping back on his bed.

"You are. Now tell me whats got you all irritated and huffy." He lifts his head to glare at her, but his eyes are all squinted due to not having his glasses on, which really dulls the effect of the glare.

He sighs, sensing her disapproving look.

"I hate that stupid Ethan guy."

"Okay...and do we have the why for that?" Nat prompts.

"...no." "Bob." "... fine. It's because he gets to be up there and have his jacket on her and hold her hand and- and kiss her, and i hate it and I hate him."

"So you're jealous. And do you realize this is because you're in love with her, or are you still denying that?" Natasha asks, delightfully blunt as always.

Bob makes a choked noise, sitting up and shoving his glasses back on his reddened face. "I'm not!"

Natasha blinks up at him before moving over to his nightstand, picking up the framed picture there, and handing it to him.

In it is the two of them at homecoming, dancing, his hands on her waist, her arms draped over his shoulders, both looking at each other like they're the only people in the room. Mickey had seen them dancing and snapped a picture that was immediately sent to the group chat, and apparently printed and framed by Bob not much after. "...this proves nothing." He says, hugging the frame to his chest.

Natasha glares at him, much more effectively than his earlier attempt.

Bob breaks easily with that, tilting his head back to the ceiling as he quietly admits, "Okay it proves a little."

Natasha makes a sound and Bob groans. "Fine, okay, yes, I'm jealous because I'm in love with her! But can you blame me? I mean she's... perfect. She's funny and she's smart and she's so endlessly kind and don't even get me started on how pretty she is..."

Nat smirks, pleased that she finally got him to admit it. "There we go. Now, all you have to do, is get it through your strikingly thick skull that she's also in love with you."

"Wh- no she isn't!" His cheeks feel like they're on fire as he gapes at her.

If he looked closely, he could see the way her eye twitched. "This is genuinely worse than trying to get Jake and Bradley together. Like actually. You are somehow denser than Jake Seresin."

"Hey!" He whines, "that's so mean..."

"It's honest, that's what it is."

Three nights later, after a rehearsal that has Bob even more irritated than before, everyone is spread out around Jake's living room.

Jake is curled into Bradley's side, Javy is managing to take up an entire loveseat and about to be dragged out of it by Mickey and Reuben, Natasha is on the other end of the couch that Jake and Bradley are on, which leaves Bob on the floor, not wanting to get stuck that close to the couple that will absolutely spend half of the movie making out and not wanting to have to squish between the three now sharing the loveseat.

"Where's little miss leading lady? She too good for movie night now?" Javy teases.

"She had to run home for something after rehearsal." Bob says, his voice clipped and irritated in a way he isn't usually.

"What's got your panties in a twist, Floyd?" Jake grins from the couch.

"Nothin'."

"He's jealous that Ethan gets to play her love interest when really he's in love with her and wants to be the one all over her," Natasha snitches, not an ounce of loyalty in her when it comes to getting these two together.

"Natasha!" Bob exclaims, sounding utterly betrayed.

"He's... what..?" A voice says from the doorway, everybody freezing before slowly looking at her standing there, a bag of snacks hanging on her arm.

Bob looks like he's considering making a break for the door, Natasha has her mouth covered, the rest of the boys all sharing similar looks of shock.

"I... have to... go... somewhere that isn't here...." Javy says, nearly running out of the room, quickly followed by Reuben and Mickey.

"Oh would you look at that, Callie needs me! Gotta go!" Natasha squeaks, booking it out the doorway and out of the house.

Jake wordlessly drags Bradley out of the room, up the stairs to his bedroom, leaving the two alone.

Bob looks very, very close to jumping out the nearest window as she remains shocked, stiff as a statue in the doorway.

"I... I'm so sorry- I shouldn't have- have told Natasha all that- I didn't think-" the poor boy looks seconds away from combustion, stumbling through some semblance of an apology.

"Bob, stop." She says firmly, causing his mouth to snap shut.

He still looks near tears as she crosses the room and sits beside him on the floor.

"So... you're jealous of Ethan..?" She starts, the sentence feeling agonizingly slow, as though she doesn't quite believe that these words are being said.

"...yeah..."

"Because you're in love with me..?" She continues.

"...yeah..."

"You think there's something between him and I?" She asks, surprisingly gentle, compared to the annoyance Bob was expecting to face.

"I mean, he looks at you like... like he likes you," the words feel juvenile as he says them, but he forces them out anyway.

"Bob, honey, that's called acting. What isn't acting is the fact that he's dating Dominic. You know, the guy playing Nikos? In There Right There?" She looks a little incredulous now, but still remarkably calm.

Bob blanches at that, his eyes widening, jaw dropping a little bit. "He...is?"

"Yeah. Very, very openly. And maybe if you'd been less busy getting stuck in your own head, you would've noticed that and not been so unnecessarily jealous. There's nothing between me and Ethan."

Bob blinks hard, once, twice, three times.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Bobby... I've liked you since seventh grade. I just never said anything cause I figured you weren't interested..." she admits, fidgeting with a loose string on her hoodie- upon closer inspection, Bob realizes that thats his hoodie, one she'd borrowed months ago but never returned for whatever reason.

"You- you thought I wasn't interested? In you? I thought you wouldn't be interested in me.." he says, voice wavering ever so slightly.

"Bob. You're my best friend. You're the first person I wanna talk to every morning and the last one I wanna talk to every night. You're always there for me no matter what, you make me feel like... like I'm the most important person in the world... and you're really, really cute." Bob can feel his face burning red hot, his heart racing.

"You are the most important person in the world to me... you're my best friend, you're the only person I've ever actually wanted to be with because you don't make me feel... weird, for being a- well, a nerd. Every time you look at me i feel like the luckiest guy on Earth just cause I got a second of your attention. I... I love you..." The last words come out barely above a whisper, but she hears them anyways.

"I love you too, Bobby. More than anything."

His eyes flick down to her mouth, and then back to her eyes. "Can I-"

He doesn't even finish the sentence before her lips are on his, gentle but messy, teeth bumping slightly, making them both giggle into it.

When they pull back, they're both warm in the face, soft, dazed smiles on their lips.

YELENA BELOVA IS AROACE

this is CANON in the comics

so if you want to ship yelena with someone, just admit you’re aphobic at this point, istg

even in the hawkeye show, yelena is VISIBLY SEX-REPULSED and shows NO INTEREST IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS, so i better not hear A WORD about how “oh but aroace people can still have sex/have relationships/fill in the blank here.” yes that’s true but does NOT apply to yelena

i’m so sick and tired of having to FIGHT for an ounce of representation and acknowledgment of my existence so i’m done being nice

no other queer identity gets this kind of hate by fandoms but guess what? you can pry canon aroace yelena out of my dead fucking hands

aphobia about aroace yelena is the hill you want to die on? GOOD. canon aroace yelena is the hill i’m prepared to kill for

2) any vegetable is better than no vegetable

If you’re gonna hate me for saying that, maybe you’re the problem. Harassing, sending hateful messages, sharing 18+ servers on a place you know damn well minors are on, spreading gossip, spreading HATE, it’s bullshit, and I think a lot of people need to learn that it’s not appropriate. Everyone needs to take a step back and remember that this type of behaviour RUINS good things. This was a good thing initially but within half an hour it basically turned into something out of everyone’s control.

Inspired by Next Thing You Know by Jordan Davis

In which he meets a woman at the bar. Next thing he knows, his whole life has passed in the blink of an eye.

Warnings: pregnancy, them moving in together FAST?

W.C.: 1.5k

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"I just... don't feel the need for a relationship, you know?" Bob sighs as Jake hounds him about finding a pretty girl to take home.

"C'mon, it doesn't even have to be a full on relationship! Plenty of girls out here are happy with one night stands," the blonde tries to reason.

"I'm not really a one night stand kind of guy..." His eyes drift down to the cup of watered down soda in his hands.

"Just, drop it, please? I'm staying single, I'm happy this way." He stands from his stool, not giving Jake the chance to continue harassing him as he heads to the bar to get a soda that doesn't taste like sadness and too much time spent defending his relationship- or lack thereof.

And then he runs into her. Literally.

A pretty girl at the bar, head thrown back in a laugh at something Penny said. He hadn't been watching where he was walking and ended up running directly into her shoulder.

"Oh- goodness, I'm real sorry ma'am!" His cheeks flush red and he stumbles over his words, looking at the poor woman he just knocked into.

"You're alright, sugar! Don't worry 'bout it," she laughs, "Believe me, I've dealt with worse things than a pretty boy bumping into me." If somehow possible, his cheeks flush even darker, even creeping up to his ears and down his neck.

"What's your name, honey?" She asks him.

"Oh- I- uhh..." His brain goes completely, utterly blank.

"His name is Bob," Penny supplies helpfully from behind the bar, seeing the WSO struggle.

"Thanks, Pen," the pretty woman laughs again and Bob swears it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard. She tells him her name and he immediately files it away in his brain under as the most important name he's ever heard.

He regains his sense after a few moments and actually talks to her like a normal person, and next thing he knows it's two A.M. and he's pretty sure he's in love.

They talked about everything from music to movies to their hometowns to stupid teenaged memories.

He suddenly regrets being so certain when talking to Jake earlier in the night, as now he has to explain that he has a dinner date set with a very pretty woman that he is very much interested in pursuing a relationship with.

Three months later- aka five dinner dates, thirteen movie nights, six lunch dates, many sleepovers, and a surprising amount of kisses later- he's swearing up and down to Natasha that they're not moving in together yet.

"I just don't think she's ready for it, it mean, what if i ask her and it ends up being too early and then she breaks up with me?" He spirals before Natasha literally shakes him to snap him out of it.

"Bob. She practically lives at your place anyways. She has a toothbrush there. She has hair products there. I think she's already trying to slowly move in. She's been hinting about her lease running out soon. Ask her before it's too late." His front seater chides.

He's saved from having to answer that by the very woman they were discussing arriving. Her lips press to his cheek instinctively, a greeting that has been toned down from an initial peck on the lips once she learned his dislike for public displays of affection.

"Hey honey," she greets him, "Hey Nat." The two women have become friends since her and Bob started dating, going out for occasional girls nights and hanging out in the Hard Deck when the boys get extra rowdy.

"Hi baby," Bob grins up at her, a lovesick looking thing that became constantly noticeable, always plastered on his face after that first night they met at the Hard Deck.

He takes her hand in his and gently kisses the back of it, which is the extent of the kisses he'll give in public.

Natasha greets her too, an almost proud look on her face as she watches Bob stare at his girlfriend with the most adoring look in his blue eyes.

A week later there's a small U-Haul truck outside of his little beachside home, a one bedroom little thing that now is beginning to become their little beachside home.

Some things he did have to get rid of, but honestly, it was needed. Like the rug in the living room that he'd gotten on clearance at the local home store being replaced by one that compliments the room much better.

His trinkets, small metal model airplanes and Star Wars figurines, now scooted over on their shelves to make room for her figurines of characters from her favorite media, his books shifted to make room for hers, his vinyl records stacked to fit hers in.

Within a year he finds himself saving money more than he ever has before, which is saying something, considering he's always been very financially responsible.

Another six months and that money is now a ring burning a hole in his pocket.

Next thing he knows, three more months have passed and he's dropping down on one knee on her momma's front porch, the whole speech he's had prepared for months leaving his head, the only thought coursing through his brain is a prayer that sure doesn't say no.

"... please...?" Is the only word he can get himself to say, and she laughs through the tears that had welled in her eyes from the second he'd gotten on his knee.

"Yes, baby," she giggles as she lets him slide the ring on her finger.

After a year of engagement, the most wonderfully chaotic wedding planning anyone on the squad had ever seen, and a beautiful white dress, they walk into the reception of their wedding as Mr and Mrs Floyd.

Natasha gives a very giggly, slightly tipsy speech, as Bob's best (wo)man, and the rest of the squad gives many congratulations, and Jake even throws in a teasing, "not looking for a relationship, huh, Floyd?"

Next thing he knows he's on a beautiful white sand beach with his wife, his left hand getting used to the cool metal on his ring finger.

Suddenly three years have passed and he's sitting on the cold tile of their bathroom floor, looking up at his wife who is sitting up on the counter.

She gasps and he's on his feet in an instant, looking at the white and pink stick in her hand as she nods her head.

"We're..?" He starts, voice trailing off. "We're having a baby," she finishes his sentence.

He has her in his arms in an instant, heart racing as he kisses her.

They weren't really trying for it, but they weren't not trying for it either. And now they have it and hes half excited, half scared to death.

And somehow, in the blink of an eye, they're in a delivery room. He's holding her hand as she cries out in pain, trying to not react to the fact that it feels like the bones in his hands are about to snap.

"How're you doin' there, dad?" One of the nurses addresses him.

He nearly bursts into tears being referred to as dad, but he nods. "Fine- 'm fine."

He does burst into tears when he's handed his daughter for the first time, soft sounds of adoration falling from his lips as he looks at her, and then at his beautiful, exhausted wife.

He takes the drive home slow that night, both of his girls managing to sleep on the ride.

And then seventeen years have passed faster than he could ever realize, and he's waiting on the couch at 11:01 for his daughters and his son to get home from their prom night, his eldest daughter- already a senior, somehow- allowing her sophomore sister to be her plus one so they could have a prom together, their junior brother being brought along by his senior date.

And then college admission letters start coming and "NYU? Really? It's just... kind of far, you know?" He says, and his wife takes his hand. "She can handle it, honey. We have to let her fly."

"Flying i could handle. Flying is like, my whole thing. But my daughter living on the other side of the country?" His blue eyes are wide, but he's already given in.

Next thing he knows, the nest is empty, quiet in a way it hasn't been since their oldest was born.

And now he has the chance to get to know his wife again, slow dancing with her in the kitchen for the first time in years, more in love with her than he's ever been.

And then he's got a yard full of his kids kids, and he's not quite sure when his kids got so grown up, but he's sure proud of them.

He teaches his grandkids how to fish, and tells them stories of their parents as kids, and how he met their grandmother when he was just a shy, stumbling WSO.

Inspired by Medicine by Megan Moroney

In which Jake Seresin gets a taste of his own medicine.

Warnings: swearing, allusions to sex, generally toxic relationship

W.C.: 1.2k

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Three days ago.

That was the last time she'd heard from Jake Seresin.

Three whole days of radio silence, only to get a "wanna come to mine tonight?" on a Friday afternoon.

So he won't be hearing back from her for five days.

Maybe it's toxic. Scratch that, it's definitely toxic.

But that's just how they are. He gives his number to a pretty blonde at the Hard Deck, her number makes its way into Bradley's phone. It's a push and pull of toxicity and refusal to let the other person 'win'- aka a refusal to admit their feelings.

The squad always ends up at the Hard Deck on Fridays, so she decides to add fuel to the fire that'll be Jake's annoyance at her ignoring his text in the form of the little black dress that always drives him wild.

Sliding it on, matching it with a pair of black kitten heels and lipstick as red as sin, she heads to the beachside bar.

She flags Penny down at the bar who gives her a look, sliding her a bottle of her usual beer. "What'd Hangman do this time? You only ever come in here to give him hell, honey."

"You know me so well, Penny. Left me on read for three days and then texted me to come over to his tonight. You can guess who I will not be going home with tonight," she rolls her eyes.

"So you came in here looking like sex in a dress to piss him off, huh?" Penny laughs, a warm, semi exasperated sound.

"Yes ma'am," she grins. "They're all over by the pool table, honey. Just don't have him causing a scene, yeah?" "No guarantees, Pen."

She crosses the bar to the pool tables, eyes immediately finding that dirty blond hair, bent over the pool table, taking a shot.

"Shit, Hangman. Ain't that your girl coming over?" Javy says, elbowing Jake. "Huh? I don't have a- oh," green eyes lock on to her as she struts over and he straightens up, passing his pool cue over to Coyote.

He meets her before she reaches the squad, likely so they can't hear whatever depraved sounding comment he's about to make, intending to charm her into his bed. "So you did get my text, huh? Not like I'd know, considering you didn't respond. But showing up here in this little thing," he tugs at one of the straps, intending to pull her in, but she doesn't let him, "looking damn good in it, too. It'll look even better on my floor."

"Step off, Seresin. If this dress hits any floor tonight, it won't be yours." She sneers. Irritation flashes in his green irises, but he keeps his body language calm so his squad mates don't catch on to anything.

"Oh yeah? And who's floor would it be hitting, then?" His voice is low, restrained irritation dripping from each word.

She lets her gaze drift past him to the one answer that would piss him off the most. The golden boy in the Hawaiian shirt, Bradley Bradshaw.

He glances over his shoulder to see what she's looking at- who she's looking at. His jaw clenches as he looks back at her.

"Seriously? Bradshaw? Please, he wouldn't take the shot. Man's a coward." "Oh, he doesn't have to be the one to take the shot. I'll do it myself." She smirks.

"So you're just gonna try and sleep with one of my squad mates, what, to try and mess with my head or something? God, you're obsessed with me." His irritation is flaring hotter by the second, something she takes delight in seeing.

"Who said this had anything to do with you, huh? God, you really think the world revolves around you, don't you?" She bites back at him, despite the fact that it absolutely has everything to do with him.

"Fine, try your luck with Bradshaw. Don't come crying to me when it doesn't work out." He stalks off, snatching his pool cue back from a very confused Coyote.

She rolls her eyes, striding over to Rooster. After an hour of conversation, laughing at all of his jokes even when they really weren't funny, and a whole lot of glaring from Jake, she ends up leaving the Hard Deck on Bradley's arm.

She catches Jake's eye as she leaves, blowing him a sarcastic kiss when Bradley wasn't looking.

The sex is fine- nothing mind blowing, nothing like Jake can do for her, but it's all the more satisfying because of the angry call she gets from him near two in the morning.

She slides out of Bradley's bed where the man is still passed out, still completely naked as she makes her way into the living room of his apartment.

"You seriously went home with him?" He snarls the second she answers his call. "You seriously went with fucking Bradshaw?"

"I seriously did some fucking with Bradshaw, yeah," her voice is a drawling tease meant only to piss him off more.

She can just imagine him pacing the floor of his bedroom, blond hair a mess from running his hands through it one too many times, eyes heavy from refusal- or inability- to sleep.

"And you're still there? In his apartment?" He growls.

"Did you check my location or something?" She laughs, a mirthless sound.

The few seconds of silence from his end of the phone is answer enough. "Holy shit, you actually did. You were stalking my location!"

"I wasn't stalking anything. I just happened to check while looking at some messages."

"Shit, you were rereading our messages? Now which one of us is acting obsessed, huh?" She spits his words from earlier in the night back at him.

"I'm not fucking obsessed with you!" That same venom piercing his tone.

"You keep telling yourself that, Jake." She rolls her eyes. "Cause to me it sounds like you're losing your shit over me sleeping with someone who isn't you- despite the fact that you've slept with a thousand other women. Heaven forbid I do once what you've done to me all those other times."

"So that was what it was all about, wasn't it. You're jealous that I sleep with other people?" His anger is leaking through the phone at this point.

"I'm not jealous of shit that you do, Seresin. I have a life outside of our mediocre sex," she lies- God knows that what happens between them is anything but mediocre, but she'd never tell him that. His ego is big enough as is. "I think you need to take a shot or something to chill the fuck out. And maybe I'll bring you a bouquet of flowers in a few days complete with a bullshit apology about how busy I've been and how much I've missed you."

"Oh fuck off," he snaps at her.

"Maybe try crying in the shower, it's really great for these big feelings you're having," she derives all the pleasure she can get from hearing his annoyed huff on the other end of the line.

She knows she'll end up back in his bed sooner or later, but for now it's enough for her to just piss him the hell off. "And remember Jake- this is all just a taste of your own medicine."

R E B L O G

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I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE