I get mean when I'm nervous, like a bad dog

he is attracted to women. he likes fucking women. and by book canon, he attributes his attraction to men at “20 percent….maybe 30 percent”. he does have a preference for women. and I know that kills your yaoi dreams for that to be canon, but bisexual people/characters do not exist to fulfill your yaoi headcanons. they don’t exist to facilitate your threesome guilt. the fact of Ilya’s character is that he is bisexual, he prefers women, and he happened to fall in love with a man.

the thing about chronic illness is that more often than not, you are not friends with your body. hell, i'd rarely ever describe my body as an ally to my cause (that is, uhm, living). we're reluctant coworkers, barely tolerable accomplices. to be chronically ill and disabled is to know, no matter what, there will always be things you want desperately to do and achieve that you simply cannot. you will not. those things were taken from your future when you became ill.

baran knows having two seizures in a day is far more than a minor concern. she knows it impacts not only patient safety but her own safety. her break down in her car shot through my heart because, fuck, who hasn't been there? i watch that scene and i think of myself three months ago silently sobbing in my car as i drove to work, in so much pain that i knew i probably shouldn't even be driving. i watch that scene and i think of how many nights i've spent keeled over and curled up because i kept going when i knew i should've stopped. the body really does keep the score.

me:

Like, Robby tells Jack something that happened at work?

“Dennis, honey, come here, you have to hear this too.”

Jack makes a joke that makes Robby smile after a bad shift?

“Hey, Den, listen to this—”

They make plans to go somewhere after their shift?

"Dennis, do you want to come with us?"

But let's just say all this didn't come out of nowhere, but from something that happened a few months before.

Jack and Robby are sitting at the table over breakfast, talking about their college years, giggling as they talk about all the stupid things they've done.

“What are you laughing about?” asks Dennis, entering the kitchen in Robby's T-shirt and Jack's shorts.

“Oh, nothing, honey,” says Jack, wiping a tear from his eye.

“You wouldn't understand.”

And Dennis's face went from calm to completely destroyed, because he'd heard that phrase his whole life: his brothers excluding him because he was the youngest and the black sheep, his classmates, from elementary school to high school, asking him to step away from the group for a few minutes because they had to talk about things he had nothing to do with.

And every time he stood there, his hands clasped in front of his body, waiting for someone to notice him, waiting for the moment when he would be the first choice, waiting—

"No, no, hey, Denny, we were just talking about when we were in college, we didn't mean to leave you out."

He was brought back to reality by Robby's hand on his thigh and Jack's on his shoulder.

He had the face of a beaten puppy, his shoulders slumped, as if trying to make himself as small as possible.

"No, it's okay, I mean, it's your business, you're the married couple, I understand if you don't want me to be a part of it." He gave a tentative smile, one that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"But we want to, we want you to know everything, we want you to be in our business."

Jack planted a kiss on his cheekbone, while Robby ruffled his hair.

"You'll always be the first one we think of to share our thoughts with."

First, first choice, mh, that sounded good.

Why might someone from a group of people that historically have been denied access to wealth, now brag that they have it?

“Rappers only talk about sex!”

Why might someone from a group that have historically been denied sexual autonomy now brag about their sexual escapades on their own terms?

“Rappers only talk about drugs and crime!”

you have to be kinder to people who are slow processors.

you have to be kinder to people who don't understand your jokes.

you have to be kinder to people who forget important dates.

you have to be kinder to people with cognitive decline.

you have to be kinder to people who were always this way, too.