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we talk a lot about a version of buddie who are so married, right? how they’re basically husbands and once they get together, it’ll be a race to buy the ring and pop the question first. but what about a version of eddie who is terrified of that? an eddie who loves buck, more than anything in the world, but who has married his best friend once before. he knows how this goes and it doesn’t end well.
sure, they’ve lived together before. they’ve worked together for years. they know each other sometimes better than they know themselves, but they’ve only been dating a month—maybe two. buck doesn’t want to waste any more time, he wants to make it official. they’re best friends and they’re in love and buck wants that last name already. but eddie has been in love with his best friend before and it ruined them. there were extenuating circumstances back then, pressure from a teen pregnancy and a deeply catholic community, but who’s to say that marrying eddie—tying their lives together in the face of God and the law—won’t push buck away?
he knows it won’t. realistically, eddie doesn’t think there’s anything he can do that would push buck away. they’ve been through too much, already taken so long to get here, but that what if still hangs over eddie’s head. he just doesn’t want to rush. doesn’t want them to get ahead of themselves, even though he’s so sure of buck, the two of them together. he wants to enjoy the dating part. wants to take it slow and bask in the now before they commit to the forever.
so when buck asks, eddie doesn’t say no, exactly, but he still panics. throat still closes up, heart racing, and he can’t look at buck as he tells him not yet. he is so, so scared that buck will hear it as a no anyway, because he knows buck’s past and he knows buck’s fears and eddie doesn’t want to lose him. losing buck would kill eddie, now that he has him. and that’s what he’s trying to prevent! so he says not yet, as delicately as he can and he waits to see if he’s just ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to him. then buck kisses him, tells him the ring isn’t going anywhere and neither is he. that buck can wait as long as eddie needs because he knows—they both know—in the end, it’s them.
to people who are me I do think if eddie actually came out to buck, buck would make a move. not immediately, like i'd give him 2-5 business days of spiraling, but i do think buck isn't the type to sit around and pine when he knows there's a chance, and he's emotionally intelligent enough to know that there IS a chance here. if anything i think the main spiral isn't 'do I ask him out' so much as it's 'how do i ask him out in the bestest most worthy way possible.'
the first thought that buck has when eddie comes out to him is: i have to tell him.
the second is: wait, what?
which is how the third thought that buck has upon his best friend exposing a vulnerable part of himself to buck is the suddenly thuddingly obvious fact that he is, in fact, in love with eddie.
"buck?" eddie says, effectively interrupting his fourth thought ('oh, fuck.'). his eyes are big and brown and vulnerable. buck shoves the thoughts to the back of his mind. there are more important things to deal with right now.
"oh, eddie," he says, pulling eddie into a hug. eddie melts against him, all warmth. buck's stupid, recently oblivious heart thuds. "thanks for telling me, man."
eddie sniffles a little into his chest. buck tells himself strictly: you will not make this weird.
---
buck makes things weird.
the thing is, buck knows now, right? the barrier between the part of buck that is in love with his best friend and the part of buck that is maintaining his perfectly platonic relationship with his best friend has officially shattered, good job, gang, you've broken a perfectly good glass closet. now, all that's standing between buck and acting upon his feelings for his best friend is his ability not to take a leap of faith based on this knowledge.
buck, historically, has not done great at not acting on his knowledge.
to be fair to him, he tries. to be less fair, the attempts are, well--
---
"nice flowers."
buck blinks down at the bouquet in his arms. "shit," he says, eloquently.
ravi raises an eyebrow at him. "what?"
"i...bought flowers."
a slow nod. "you did," ravi says. "did you...not mean to?"
"no, i meant to." just not consciously.
"is it...for someone?"
buck, with his newfound knowledge, can now read the stupid implication in ravi's eyes, the way they dart to the station doors, where eddie thankfully has not driven in yet. buck takes a few steps forward, dumps the bouquet in ravi's arms.
"it's for the loft," he says. "spruce up the station, a little. it's looking a bit drab around here. can you put those in a vase for me?"
before ravi can reply, he runs to the locker room. as he does, he can hear ravi's voice muttering: "what vase?"
later, as eddie comes up the staircase: "ooh, are those irises? i love irises."
ravi stares at buck. buck does not stare back.
---
"huh," eddie says, looking around. "they gave us a nice table."
buck winces. the reservation confirmation text burns a hole in his pants pocket.
"ha ha, yeah, what a nice coincidence," buck says, as if he didn't put 'window seat, nice view, good for a first date' in the request section when he was making the reservation. he thinks he blacked out a little.
a server comes over, and buck reflexively orders both of their favorites, and the exact menu items that made him think of eddie when he saw the place online. eddie raises an eyebrow at him. buck coughs.
"did your research, huh, bud?"
"uh, yeah," buck says. is he sweating? he's sweating. fuck. fuck. abort. "did you know that axolotls ingest small stones to break down their food?"
a beat. then eddie smiles his indulgent smile, and buck thanks every deity and also bobby for his longstanding and totally unsuspicious tendency to bring up random facts at inopportune times.
at the end of the night, buck pays the bill. he tries not to think about his credit score.
---
the third time is when the jig, as they say, is up.
it's stupidly normal, is the thing. buck and eddie are sitting on the couch together, chris asleep in buck's guest room that he insists is not secretly just christopher's room wearing a fake mustache. there's a basketball game playing on tv, which means that buck is not at his best, cognitively speaking.
he blames this for what happens when eddie, perfectly oblivious and beautiful and on buck's couch, says: "hey buck, can you get me another beer?"
and buck, without thinking, says: "sure, babe."
the room pauses. some guy throws a ball to another guy on the television screen. eddie, uncharacteristically, is not looking at the sweaty men run into each other. he's looking at buck.
buck, who's mouth keeps running without his permission.
"bbbbbbbest friend. i meant best friend. my best friend eddie. my. my cool bud. my totally normal--"
"buck?"
eddie's voice is soft, and when buck takes a break from word-vomiting to look at him, his eyes are big and brown and awed, shining. buck's heart thumps again. okay. fuck. fine.
"i was gonna ease you into it," buck complains, throwing his head back.
eddie's mouth twitches a little. his eyes are so, so bright. "into...babe territory?"
"into-- you know, eddie," buck pouts at him, and eddie actually giggles.
"i don't know that i do, babe," eddie beams at him. "it looks like you're trying to backdoor me into a relationship, buck."
buck splutters. "i'm-- that's-- i'm doing the opposite of that! i'm front-dooring you! i was-- i was trying to wait a reasonable amount of time before asking you out on a date! it's rude if i just--"
"reserved one of the hottest restaurants in LA and got us date night seats without telling me?" eddie finishes, teasing.
"that was an accident."
eddie snorts, and it is unfortunately very charming. "you asked me out by accident?"
buck flaps his hands helplessly. "i was trying to be normal! but-- i just-- i can't help it!" he insists. "what-- am i supposed to just-- know that you're an option, and just-- not go for it? do you know me?"
that makes eddie laugh fully, head tilted back, hair falling loose over his forehead. buck sways into his orbit, caught the way he always is. eddie tugs at the hem of his shirt, and buck pouts as he crawls over eddie, knees bracketing his hips.
"i do you know, baby," eddie says, all warmth. "which is why i was hoping you'd make the first move."
buck's mouth falls open. "you--" he accuses. "you manipulator."
eddie shrugs. "you're the one who takes the leap," he says, cupping buck's face. it is, unfortunately, impossible to stay mad at eddie ever, let alone when he's holding buck. "i'm the one that has your back, remember?"
buck blinks rapidly. "fuck," he says. "i love you so much." immediately after, he exhales. "oh my god. you have no idea how much of a relief it is to finally say it. i thought i was gonna explode."
eddie giggles, drags him in for a kiss. "thank you for trying your best, sweetheart," he says, pressing his smiling mouth to buck's jaw. "you're a very nice boyfriend."
buck hums with satisfaction. "i am, aren't i?"
"even when you refuse to actually let me know that you're being my boyfriend."
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Apparently today is Loving Day, named after Richard and Milford Loving, the interracial couple whose lawsuit against the state of Virginia resulted in interracial marriage becoming legal in the United States. And so this day was made as a holiday for interracial relationships. I think that's very cool and deserves a tumblr post. Happy Loving Day to everyone in interracial relationships!
oh nothing just thinking about angst when buddie gets really serious into their relationship and buck makes an offhand comment about marriage. which sends eddie into a spiral, not because he doesn’t want to marry buck—of course he does, have you met the guy? buck is everyone’s dream partner—because he really, really doesn’t want to mess this up. and so he acts funny around buck while he spirals. and naturally, buck is reminded of how eddie reacted to the idea of marrying ana, and even though he knows now that yeah, of course he panicked at the idea of marrying ana, she was a woman, and eddie is gay, his mind can’t seem to get the memo and so he starts to spiral about if eddie doesn’t wanna marry buck because he’s, y’know, buck, and people can only seem to handle so much dosage of him before they start to pull away. stuff like that.
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buck gets labeled the reckless one on the job bc he does crazy shit when he’s angry or sad as a type of passive self-harm so we see the emotional risk in it. eddie doesn’t have to be sad to do all that he’s just a little nuts
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people are so good at analysis it's so intimidating. you guys are so smart and remember the show so well and are so good at explaining what you think and I'm just over here like "yeah!!! that!!!" you're all so impressive I hope you know that.
It’s so crazy how it’s been 5 seasons since will reveal, 4 seasons since Eddie broke up with his girlfriend cause Buck told him to, 3 seasons since poker date, 2 seasons since Buck got jealous about Eddie hanging out with a guy, 1 season since “I don't have to want to sleep with everyone I have feelings for” and 8 seasons since “you can have my back any day” “or you know you could have mine” but they still haven’t shown Buck Buckley making out sloppy style with his best friend. They’re practically having sex on prime time television every Thursday night via intricate rituals but Tim won’t even let them smooch. So crazy.