Pineapple Core Confidentials

when you decide you want to stop breastfeeding bc:

#mymentalhealthmatters

And

#iwantmybodyback

And

#ineedmeds

And

#fedisbest

Motherhood is a rollercoaster.

Why doesn’t anyone talk about the dark, terrifying parts?

Sure, it’s wonderful the love that pours from my heart when my daughter smiles at me.

But you know what’s fcuking horrifying?

When your 4month old sleeps through the night and insomnia (which 1 in 4 new moms apparently struggle with-WHO KNEW) and endless panic attacks keep me up THE ENTIRE NIGHT.

Motherhood is beautiful, but it’s freakin hard too. And no one talks about it. Much like the rectal pressure during childbirth - there’s these secret dark underground truths that most moms know but don’t share.

I thought conceiving via IVF would be the hardest part of motherhood.

HELL NO.

WAS I EVER WRONG.

up to 36 weeks: uneventful.

37 weeks: u/s showed limited diaphragm movement, so off to the hospital we went for a NST (non stress test). Results were good, so we were promptly discharged.

38 weeks: solid u/s, cervix closed, no contractions or signs of early labor.

38+3 weeks: loss of mucus plug

38+6 weeks: arrival of bloody show

when you’re 33 weeks preggo and realize: all my prenatal classes are canceled and I literally know nothing about newborns.

Zip.

Zero.

Zilch.

Cue the anxiety spiral.

So I dove deep in the inter webs, and have settled on taking/watching the following classes with hubs:

Childbirth class by motherly

Infant CPR by American red cross

Prenatal care by Omaha hospital (parenting U)

SIDS by American academy of pediatrics

when you’re 28 weeks preg, sell your place/buy a new one, and decide the best day to hire movers is the only day this week it’s raining... raining on moving day means 7 years good luck, right?

when you’re 27 weeks preggo, minding your own business in quarantine on the couch, and BAM! Motherfn sciatica decides to make an appearance to completely F up my life. Those hours of relaxing, binging the Tiger King and Hunters? Not quite so fun and enjoyable when you scream and cry in pain with any minor body adjustment or -god forbid-when you need to get up to use the bathroom.

Emptying the bottom drawer of the dishwasher has officially been cancelled.

Putting on sneakers normally is officially over.

Enjoying an extra lounge in bed is officially cringeworthy. Thinking about the eventual pain of getting out of the bed has ruined the comfort of being in the bed.

Birthing class

If you’re giving birth soon as a FTM, your birthing class at your delivering hospital may have been canceled. But don’t worry - motherly to the rescue!

Motherly has made their birthing class FREE online - check it out, social isolated, IVF warrior qweens!

when you’re 26 weeks pregnant and your delivering hospital updates their visitor policy (bc: COVID19) to no support people for labor & delivery.

Excuse me? (Immediately reread)

That means delivering alone.

Cue: immediate panic attack.

After properly freaking completely the fcuk out, the hospital rolled back this policy to allow one support person for l&d and thank my lucky, shining, brilliant stars for that. Daily and constant prayers that it remains in place or the need for a visitor policy at all lifts by end of June.

But that brings me to all the extras. Showers being postponed. Prenatal classes before cancelled. Diaper showers (whatever the hell that even is) being shut down. Other women seem bothered by missing these “milestones,” but to me - they’re just extras. I didn’t spend thousands of dollars and put myself through IVF hell for the stuff. I did it for the baby.

IVF prepared me for this: the trials, the tribulations, the heartbreak, the change of plans, the need to be flexible AF. The current pandemic has not sucked the joy out of this pregnancy: not by a long shot. It’s allowed me to rest at home while still working. It’s allowed me to walk in the sunshine daily. It’s allowed me to appreciate with a full heart all the blessings I have, first of which is: this miracle baby. The strength of an #ivfwarriorqween does NOT just apply to the conception. 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

when you’re 24 weeks pregnant in a time of coronavirus and this pops up on your bump app.. 😷

ya’ll IVF warrior qweens are gold, baby. solid GOLD.

when you’re 23 weeks pregnant after a long road with IVF and decide, hey, let’s up the ante by:

Putting our condo on the market/moving

Opening a new business in town

That’s normal, right?

So, to be fair, my husband has been working on opening his new bagel business for nearly a year and the grand opening is finally TOMORROW. Last weekend was the soft opening, and I’m working part time in addition to my full time job.

6 hours standing on your feet while preggo? NO BUENO. Afterwards, I had to soak my poor jelly achy cramped legs in magnesium salt to just return to being an ambulatory adult.

This week, for the grand opening, I’m prepared.

BRING ON THE SEXY COMPRESSION SOCKS.

Okay, sexy they are not, but you know what is sexy? Properly circulating blood. Being able to walk upright like a human.

when you’re 22 weeks pregnant and you run into a colleague in the bathroom, who proceeds to tell you that “motherhood agrees with you,” and “you were born to be a mom, I can just see it.”

boom.

well now I’m crying in the faculty bathroom and need to go back to the student crying for very very different reasons, waiting for me in my office, but there’s this - my heart has swelled to 17900 times the size and I can’t help but think that she is 100% right.

save. read when necessary. kick butt. repeat.

Post partum self care

I know zero % on this topic.

Zip.

Zilch.

Nada.

So, for a FTM four months away from giving birth, it drives me batshit bananas that this ad was not run (see link at the bottom before continuing onward to my rant).

Not because I watched the oscars, because I couldn’t give a single sh!t about that trash that has zero impact on my life. But because THIS COMMERCIAL IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT.

I know nothing about post partum care, specifically, that it’s even a thing I even need to know anything about.

I consider myself an intelligent, well informed citizen of the world, and if I don’t know this is a thing, there are other women who don’t know this is a thing.

We FTMs need to know this sh!t.

And apparently, it ain’t glamorous or sensational enough for us to have exposure to.

FCUK THAT NOISE.

That arrogance level is exactly why I don’t watch the oscars, or anything remotely close to it, but here’s one thing to add to my before-baby-arrives to-do list.. learn about post-partum care. Resources needed and suggestions encouraged, qweens!