While we are still working on our second response to RIGORE_MORTIS's accusations (which WILL be coming out soon (hopefully)), we feel the need to come forward about something we have been suppressing for a while now beforehand.
Most of our attempts to write a decent response have turned into rants about the following incidents, so to make it possible for us to write a decent response, as well as give ourselves the closure we want and deserve, we feel the need to speak on this.
We apologize if this ends up being more of a ramble than anything. We'd usually only speak up about something like this if we had hard evidence for it, but most of what we will be discussing happened in VCs and we feel the need to get this off of our chest.
Original post here.
CW/TW: Sexual harassment and other toxic behaviours. This is not an invitation to harass anyone involved.
Bloody bohemian was a bad friend. We have made this apparent in our initial post/announcement adressing everything that went down, however, we haven't been entirely truthful on the reason why.
While we still stand by everything said in his segment/chapter of our post: falsely accusing other creators/friends of ours of having malicious intentions, isolating us, being disrespectful of our boundaries, and so on, there are some things that we have not mentioned outside of personal/private one on one conversations we've had with other members of the community and people we consider close friends.
Bloodybohemian sexually harassed us twice.
We didn't mention this in our original post because these instances of sexual harassment both occured in voicechats rather than DMs where they would be easy to screenshot/document, and we didn't bring them up with Mortis or other friends in common when they occured because we didn't want to lose Cody (or Mortis) as a friend.
We see now that that was selfish of us, and the right thing for us to have done was bring up our concerns as soon as this became an issue, but looking back at our falling out with Mortis and Cody, we doubt that they would have believed us if we had.
While we are certain when it comes to the validity of these experiences, and while we know for a fact that we did not consent in either of the following situations, we suffer from dissociative amnesia as a result of our DID. Due to this amnesia, we sometimes have a hard time placing exactly when and in what order certain events may have occured.
This does not mean that we are lying, and it does not mean that our accusations are "inconsistent", as we are being upfront about the fact that we are not sure in which order these two events took place. We think that the knifeplay incident may have occured first, but we aren't certain.
We were swiping on Tinder on call with Cody as we did often back when we were single and bored when we made an off-hand comment about how men (in general and/or on Tinder) tend to lie about being "freaks".
This comment meant nothing. We have never been interested in Cody beyond what we would consider a purely platonic friendship.
Cody seemed interested in this comment. Too interested. He perked up and asked "Well, what kind of freak are you looking for?".
We clarified VERY quickly that we aren't looking for a freak, per se, we're just tired of men lying about being freaks to get away with physically and sexually abusing their romantic partners.
Cody doubled down and began to explain the "intricacies" of his knifeplay fetish. Which, AGAIN, we were not okay with.
We repeatedly attempted to change the subject, but he kept going on and on and on, and we eventually gave up entirely and went semi-verbal.
We will reiterate that we expressed discomfort verbally and non-verbally.
Cody is also aware that we struggle with an addiction to self harm. He did not warn us or ask for our permission before going into such great detail in his rant, going in depth in his gory and violent desciptions and taking our silence as permission. He did not check in on us ONCE, even when we were going semi-verbal and heavily dissociated due to how triggering this experience was for us.
While we do consider ourselves "clean", we are prone to relapse due to the nature of our addiction. We don't only feel the need to hurt ourselves when we are unwell. Though, being in that state of mind most definitely does not help.
We have vented about this to Cody in the past, as we considered him a close friend, and somebody we could trust. So he was very much aware of the fact that going into such detail about his fetish could trigger us.
TLDR: Guy fantasizes about carving people out loud and in GREAT detail infront of his SH-addicted friend without asking for permission, warning them, or checking up on them at all.
The intoxication incident
While the first incident occured while Cody was sober, Cody was fairly intoxicated here. We had agreed to call that day, and he did not warn us/let us know that he would be drinking.
During said call, Cody made many sexual comments directed towards us. This time, he wasn't just ranting to us about the things he's into, he was sexualizing us DIRECTLY and explicitly telling us that he was going to do inappropriate things to us in great detail.
While we did say that we were going to eat/bite him, it was entirely innocent on our end. We tell ALL of our friends that we're going to eat/bite them, and had said this to Cody many times in the past without being met with such a sexual response.
"I'm gonna eat you! :3" ≠ "I'm going to eat you out".
After his first comment/response ("I'm gonna eat you out" in response to "I'm gonna eat you!"), we went a bit quiet and let out an uncomfortable sound. Cody noticed this and apologized, and then explained that he was "shitfaced".
We told him that it was okay despite how uncomfortable he was making us, and upon realizing that we'd just let him say/do whatever he wanted, he doubled down immediately. This went on for the rest of the call.
Mind you, if our memory serves us correctly, the reason we had asked him to call (and something he was VERY aware of) was because we, at the time, were not doing well. Again, we were not aware that he would be intoxicated.
We don't feel comfortable going into detail on some of the comments that were made that night, as they were uncomfortably descriptive in nature, but know that remarks about our body were made.
Not only was Cody drunk, meaning that we could not reciprocate if we wanted to, but we have never felt attracted to him.
If you can recall what was said in his goodbye message to us, we have a hard time believing that it's a stretch to say that he was aware of this. If you don't, he essentially said that he felt like we "never liked him to begin with".
This is far from the truth, as we had repeatedly refered to him as one of our best/closest friends at the time, but if he truly was under the impression that we "didn't like him", even on a platonic level, WHY would he behave this way? WHY would he sexualize us? Why and HOW would we consent to being sexualized by someone we supposedly didn't like?
We will reiterate that we did not consent, and that not once did he try to find out if we did.
Fawning is not consent. Apologizing is not consent. Going quiet is not consent. Dissociating and struggling to stay in the moment is not consent.
We were ACTIVELY attempting to change the subject because we knew that he was drunk and didn't want him to say/do something he might regret sober, but he kept circling back to sex over and over again. After a couple of minutes of this, we stopped fighting it and just shut up.
Reiterating other toxic traits
Cody was not a good friend. We made this clear in our original post, and again in this one.
TLDR, he:
Falsely accused another creator of grooming us/harboring predatory feelings for us and accused us of having a "savior complex" when we tried to fix a miscommunication between us and this person because we wanted to stay friends with them.
(While we are no longer friends with this person for unrelated reasons, they have never shown interest in us and even believed us to be YOUNGER THAN WE ACTUALLY ARE because of how little they sexualized our friendship.)
Would try to pit us against nearly anyone outside of our trio (us, him, and Mortis), including people we considered close friends.
(He would do this by implying or outright stating that others had malicious intentions, were going to/wanted to hurt us or were plotting against us, didn't deserve us/our forgiveness over minor scuffles, that our friends secretly hated us, and other isolating statements.)
Would routinely disrespect our boundaries, notably by breaking the rules of our server and then debating their validity/arguing with us when we would remind him not to. When this would happen, he would make us out to be unreasonable/singling him out when we would simply hold him to the same standard we hold every member of our community.
Assisted RIGORE_MORTIS in stalking us. (We will elaborate on this in our next post on the subject.)
Our friendship was unhealthy. While we are not one to tell others that their feelings are invalid, we genuinely believe that his interpretation of our feelings towards him is deflective.
We never hated him. We did not dislike him. He, on the other hand, has clearly had it out for us for a while, now.
We did not single him out. We treated him the way we treat all of our friends. We bought him gifts, were affectionate, regularly reassured him and told him exactly how much we cared about him and valued him as our friend, we listened to him vent about his problems and opened up to him in return.
This "I don't like them, so they must not like me" mindset makes "sense" when you consider the fact that he assumed we were consenting in both encounters.
"I feel this way about them, so they must feel the same for me".
But we didn't. We never did. That's the problem.
We apologize if these accounts are not detailed enough. We understand if you do not believe us, but we ask that you please not go out of your way to harass us.
We do not care if you continue to support bloodybohemian. We don't care if you stay "buddies" with him, or if you outright believe us to be bullshitting.
Please just respect our boundaries and do not interact with us if you insist on interacting with/supporting him.
If you do believe us, we ask that you not use our experiences with Cody as an excuse to harass him. We do not condone that kind of behaviour, and we do not consent to our experiences being used as an excuse to cause harm or distress to others.
Lastly, we're sorry for not bringing this up sooner. This is not the first time we have come forward with non-consensual sexual experiences with other creators. We've realized that we will be harassed no matter what. It doesn't matter how hard we try, it doesn't matter if we have concrete evidence and a confession, it doesn't matter how it happened or how we handled it.
Every time we have come forward, no matter how much of a "perfect victim" we were, the apologists were there. The harassment was there.
And so it doesn't matter if it happened on a call, or if we can't prove ourselves to strangers on the internet. We are doing this for us. We are tired of keeping quiet on our experiences being harassed and abused because we are afraid of harassment that will come anyway.
Pinacae out.
stormborns
jacobvanloon
gracieabrams
areudirty
dailybridgerton
snowghoul
amandla
tangentwithtanner
