karma’s a nasty slut!

okay so i had started watching them in like 2012 and so when this tour was happening i was like 17 and kind of already getting out of the phandom and i already knew from the my mom’s response to the first tour that there was nooooooo waayyyy that she was gonna take me to see them (she still can’t stand them actually lmao when i told her i was getting back into watching them she groaned over the phone and went “oh god not those two again” 😭)

I was always a bit more of a dan fan than anything else (sorry, that’s my homeboy) and like. You could see that he wasn’t having as much fun around then. And he’s said too, ‘you could see the light leaving my eyes’ which. You could! It was so hard to watch! I kind of had this insanely parasocial moment of like oh no i’m growing apart from my old friend and i can see that he isn’t happy and he’s probably close to quitting and i hope that he’ll be happy once he does quit but oh god i cant bear to watch it happen like... pit in my stomach every time i watched them it was really heartbreaking ANYWAYYYY

so right after the tour i was about to graduate high school and dan had just quit youtube and i would sometimes watching amazingphil vids that were posted during the hiatus but they were all kind of bittersweet and i missed my bffl danny so i didnt watch a lot of them and kind of grew away from them altogether. And then when they both came out i was so ridiculously proud of them obviously this was huge and life changing to all of us gay kids who grew up with them and i remember seeing him at his first pride and it was a couple years after i’d gone to my very first pride and i was just so so happy for him but i still didn’t come back and watch their videos bc i felt like it was something i must have just grown out of or something.

and when ywgttn came out i was like aware of it bc i was seeing it on shelves and i was like wow my friend who had to leave me is doing such amazing things w his life and then so much time had passed since i had really been watching them that i completely missed wad and tit and i actually made some friends since moving who saw tit and it was like omg dan and phil on tour?? Like rn???? And then i started getting back into them a little after that but not really a lot and then i MISSED the hard launch for like TWO MONTHS nobody told me, i was like okay i cant take my eyes off of them anymore they just do shit when i’m not looking apparently and now here we are! and they’re in my every waking (and dreaming) thought again just like they were from 2012-18 lol

I’m so glad im back, i’ve missed them and i’ve missed this phandom and i’m so so happy to be home again <3 anyway, i’m watching the full ii show rn for the first time and i’m just a little weepy because i know i would have been one of the people sitting there like sick to my stomach with dread the entire time and i just love them both so much but dan especially when im watching this bc he was having such a hard time but he really loves this community so much despite how difficult it was and all he wanted was to see all of us again and make us laugh and let us know that we were loved in his kind of dark and twisted way lol