Old tree still had some fruit to give after all

nobody is coming to save you. get up.

let us live, since we must die.

don't trust the beginnings, truth is told in the last moments.

i don't think i'm the hero type.

this was supposed to be closure, not the beginning of another mistake.

underneath your hands, i become poetry. this is the alchemy that you do.

two souls don't find each other by simple accident.

how do i look away now that i've seen you?

it is okay to be gentle, it does not make you weak.

let me fall if i must fall. the one i will become will catch me.

you said i killed you – haunt me then!

tell me every terrible thing you ever did and let me love you anyway.

i'm, as the poet says, a mess!

i am a collection of dismantled almosts.

do you exist? have i made you up?

ignore every instinct to flee. remember: you are a monster, too.

you were destined for me. perhaps, as a punishment.

i crave affection and run from it.

forever is a dangerous word.

you left fingerprints on my soul, but they feel more like bruises now.

am i suffering beautifully? is my agony laveable?

i desire violently – and i wait.

i died a lot to live a little with you.

not yet corpses. still, we rot.

i am made of untamable demons and unfillable voids.

…what i am aches in me.

do not mock a pain you haven't endured.

blood will be spilled. i know it. let it be mine, not yours.

i feel as if i belonged to another world.

memory is punishment.

i dream of you in fractured ways, in hollow nights, and haunted days.

He'd tried to slip unseen into Izzy's cabin, but there's no shortage of eyes on a ship and so he can't be certain he wasn't noticed. He hopes not. It wouldn't send a great message, not that it matters so much for Edward as it does for Izzy. If he's perceived as getting screwed by the captain it could cost Izzy the crew's respect. It's fucked, but it's just the way it is.

Ed's done what he can to mitigate some of that. Pirate crews don't usually have first mates. It's an appointed position after all, and the done thing is for pirates to elect their officers, the captain included. Edward had bucked that expectation in his attempt to demonstrate that Israel Hands' authority is second only to his own, and then he'd let the men go about voting in their quartermaster as a sort of compromise. Show of good faith or whatever.

Early days to tell if it's worked. It's why Edward hasn't come to him at night since the mutiny.

But Edward sleeps like shit without Izzy. His slides easily under Izzy's arm and rests his head on his chest, already feeling content just to be with him. "You're feisty tonight," Ed bounces back easily. It's nice to fall into their banter. Edward can feel their dynamic shifting ever since he'd taken command. He's not sure he likes it.

"Not big on sleeping without you." Is he allowed to admit that? Whatever. He's figured that was always implied anyway.

Still, 'your quarters' this, 'your cabin' that. Ed has a hunch that bit isn't just their usual banter. "Easy way to make those captain's quarters ours, you know."

Izzy has a brain between his ears so Edward trusts he doesn't have to spell it out. A matelotage would mean they share assets, quarters counted amongst those. Matelots bunk together. It wouldn't raise eyebrows at all. It would mean they can proxy for one another during votes in the event one of them is incapacitated for whatever reason. Everything about it would help consolidate their power at the top where Edward wants to keep it. Clever way around all the politics bullshit.

Contrary to what might have been perceived as complaints by anyone other than Edward ( as Izzy hopes Edward knows him well enough to pick up on his tone, just this side of fond, his trademark when it comes to Edward these days ), Izzy lets out a sigh, deep and slow - a release of tension living in the marrow of his bones and not so easily quelled even by the seeming safety of his own quarters on their own ship - as the other settles against his chest; his hand strokes up and down Edward’s shoulder a couple of times as Izzy makes himself comfortable, wiggling a little to accommodate for the presence of the taller man in his bed;

( they shouldn’t work that well, not with their height difference; on a bunk as small as Izzy’s - nowhere near as big as Edward’s new captain bed but that’s for a reason, he’s only the first mate, after all, it’s Edward captain who gets all the best stuff, that’s the law - it should be awkward and uncomfortable for the two of them to lie together like this, like it should have been to sleep in one hammock on the old ship, but they just fit, like two puzzle pieces, in a way that makes sense only to them )

The retort makes him snort - a tiny thing, not much more than a sharp jerk of Edward’s newly claimed pillow and a puff of air stirring his hair, but a clear sign of mirth coming from Izzy - and grin a little in the dark, the absence of their old banter lately as they have been forced to act professional and authoritative in front of the crew cutting deeper now that it’s back, but it’s a wound that makes return to their old rhythms all the more sweet.

Like he isn’t feisty on any other day, it’s in the fucking job description.

❝ Like you wouldn’t be feisty if your sleep was disturbed, ❞ he retorts with just a little bit of bite to it, old defensiveness ( it’s not at all about nostalgia or Izzy’s longing for Edward’s company, his fond, insincerely grumpy barbs, it’s just that he hates being woken in the middle of the night, just like it used to be on the old ship, when this gangly scruff of a pirate wannabe sneaked into his hammock, annoying the hell out of him, okay? ) and attention-shifting hard to lay down to rest even though his life improved drastically since the mutiny, but it’s all in good humour, all part of their back-and-forth.

As if Edward’s sleep could ever be disturbed without lethal consequences at the hand of one Izzy Hands.

But then, Edward is the one to drop the playfulness in favour of talking about feelings of all things, and it stuns Izzy for a moment, leaving him speechless and his heart picking up the pace from its steady resting rate up to the gallop of nerves ( can Edward hear it, the change? does he know what effect his words have on Izzy? was he also thinking about what their living and sleeping and other arrangements meant in terms of who they were to each other? or was he just saying things to make Izzy squirm, not actually meaning them? )

Still, he can’t help the warmth spreading through his chest at the thought of Edward actually needing this as much as Izzy does, the confirmation Izzy has both been fishing for and not wanting to push his luck in case he gets the opposite… or, well, it’s Edward, so he probably doesn’t need to sleep in the same bed with Izzy, doesn’t need his company, but the idea of him thinking that it’s nice still warms Izzy to his core.

He’s at a bit of a loss for words, though, not knowing if he should reciprocate and, more importantly, not knowing how - the words just lodge in his throat, as they usually do when it comes to feelings, but he always assumes ( read: desperately hopes ) that his actions speak of his feelings much more clearly, so he settles for actions now, too: in lieu of “I don’t like sleeping without you, either” or similar sweet thing, he reaches with his free hand and pulls the blanket up over the both of them ( you are here now, I don’t expect you to go any time soon ) and settles his chin on top of Edward’s head, not feeling bold enough to press his lips against it.

It’s Edward’s next seemingly off-hand ( but with an undertone of… something Izzy can’t quite put a name to which makes him all the more nervous ) remark that seems to cement it for Izzy, implication clear and cutting deep: Edward really is just jesting and doesn’t actually mean what he’s saying ( because why would he want to become a unit with, to share everything he has and will ever have with Izzy, of all people? )

Bitterness, old yet familiar, rises in Izzy and he has half an urge to pull away, to tell Edward that if he wants to mess around with someone, he can pick one of the young recruits, it wouldn’t take much to fluster them, and Izzy has work to do tomorrow so he doesn’t have time for this bullshit..!

…and yet, there’s a spark of hope, tiny scrap of a thing that somehow survived the lashes, the fire, the loss, the grief and the bleakness of his existence upon ships on both sides of the law ( except Queen Anne ), in his foolish, treacherous, broken heart that seems to not have learnt its lesson yet.

And that spark prompts him to ask softly, careful not to hold his breath afterwards and show how much of a big deal Edward’s response would mean to him:

❝ What are you implying, Edward? ❞

If Edward really is implying what Izzy thinks he does, he can as well say it out loud.

TV Appreciation Week 2022 | Day 3 (24 May): best tv couple(s)

“I’d much rather stay here with you”

“Maybe we could stay here for a few more days”

“You’re shaking, [name]. We can stop–”

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for, alright? I just want you to be okay”

“Can you- can you just stay with me? Please?”

“You don’t want them to know what?”

“Something else is bothering you. What’s going on?”

“This isn’t how I- I wanted you to know”

“You don’t need to explain anything. You’ve done nothing wrong”

“Tell me why you’re crying. Let me help you, [name]”

“I- I understand if you want to leave. I won’t ask you to stay”

“I promise you your heart’s safe with me”

“I know I can’t do anything to make things better, but… you can stay with me, if you want”

“Look, [name], I’ve been hurt before, and I… I’m scared”

“I promise you, I won’t do anything to hurt you, and I won’t let anyone hurt you, either”

“You mean the world to me. Talk to me, [name]”

“Will… will you be comfortable here? If you’re not, I’ll leave with you”

“I think you’ve done enough lying”

“I’m sorry! I- I know I fucked up–”

“God, you’re full of it, aren’t you? I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you–”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but I can’t help you if you shut me out like this!”

“You can’t keep pushing everyone away like this. Isn’t that what you keep telling me?”

“I let my temper get the better of me. It’s not you. I don’t want you worrying about that, alright?”

“Please don’t leave. Don’t leave me”

“You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for”

“Don’t worry about me, [name]. I’m fine, I promise. Let me worry about you, alright?”

“They sent you home. Why? What did you do this time?”

“No! I didn’t– This wasn’t what I wanted!”

“I never meant for any of this to happen–”

“Don’t make me drag you out of bed, [name]”

“There was nothing you could’ve done differently - you did what you could in an extremely shitty situation. You need to stop beating yourself up about this”

“I’m not going to sit here and let you destroy yourself, [name]”

“I’m right here. I’m here for you. Just let me in”

“But you did everything you could, and… and sometimes, that’s all you can do”

“I know you’re not going to hurt me. But you’re hurting, [name]. I don’t want you to do something you’re going to regret”

“I’m just worried about you - I don’t mean to worry you as well”

“If you want to do something for me, you can kiss me”

“You’ve been anxious ever since you got that phone call - what happened? Who was it?”

"Are you… trying to intimidate me right now?”

"I don’t want to wait, [name]. I love you so much and I just… I want to be with you”

“You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, [name]. I hope you know that”

“Seriously, what’s up, [name]? Was it something I said?”

“I wish we could just stay here. It’s comfortable”

“You’re stressing yourself out. Take a break, [name]. It’ll do you good to step away for a while”

“Have you heard anything I’ve said? I feel like I’m talking to no one”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, now what are they saying?”

“You need this break, [name]. You’re pushing yourself far too much. I understand why, trust me, I understand, but you can’t do this to yourself. You’re going to burn out”

“I never said I was a good influence”

“I wouldn’t be doing this with you if I didn’t trust you”

“I absolutely don’t understand you sometimes”

“Do you ever sleep in?”

“I’ll do anything for you. I need you to know that”

“You better not die on me. Whatever will I do without you, [name]?”

“Whatever you want to say, you can say it through the door”

“I’m sorry you got caught up in all of this. You shouldn’t have to worry about it”

“You don’t need to tell me now if you’re not ready. I don’t want you to feel like you have to talk about whatever it is if you still need to figure things out”

“Your advice is to lie?”

“Come home. Please, [name]. I need you to come home”

“It’s okay. Let it out and just breathe, [name]. I’m right here”

“Y’know, when I said you didn’t need to wake up at dawn, I didn’t mean for you to wake up before it”

“I was right there! I should have done something!”

“I don’t hate you. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me. I’m not asking you to forgive me, either, but… I don’t hate you”

“I honestly just want to get this over with already, but I might throw myself into the sun first”

“I don’t want to talk to you. Go away”

“Get away from me. Just get the hell away from me, [name]. I trusted you”

“Oh, please don’t tell me I managed to mess up tea”

“You don’t deserve this. I’m just a fuck-up and I can’t do anything right–”

“Everything feels too much. There’s too much and I… I don’t know…”

“I said I’m fine. Please stop asking already, [name]. The answer’s not changing”

“You look like shit”

“I’m flattered you’re concerned about me, [name]”

“I don’t know! I don’t know what’s wrong with me!”

“Please, [name], I can’t… I’m not safe to be around. I just hurt everyone and- and I don’t want to do that to you”

“I’m just… scared. I- I haven’t told anyone, but I want to tell you”

“Y’know, this isn’t exactly how I’d thought you’d see me without a shirt. I thought this part would be… sexier”

“You haven’t said a damn word to me after that night! You haven’t even looked in my direction!”

“What the hell has gotten into you? You said you trusted me, that you loved me-!”

“I do actually love you, but… Clearly I shouldn’t”

“It doesn’t concern you. We had an argument - that’s it”

“I thought you were better than this”

“You are truly stupid, [name]. Were you even thinking when you decided to pull this little stunt of yours?”

“What did you think was going to happen? Did you think I wasn’t going to find out? Did you think it’d remain a secret forever?”

That's what I'm here for. That's what drew me in. From the start, I felt for Izzy - it's so obvious Ed is his whole life. For decades, that's how it probably went - Izzy focusing on Ed 100%, yearning, being there for Ed in his way and trying to be content with the scraps he got. And then this rich boy comes along and suddely Ed is the one with the longing gaze - for someone else.

In S2 I almost let myself believe that maybe, maybe...

...we could complete this triangle?