the nature of humanity is that friend groups in public being very loud is obnoxious and annoying and need to be more mindful of others but my friend group in public being loud is joyful and lively and everyone giving us looks is a miserable friendless Grinch that needs to appreciate life

stop being pretentious in the notes and acting like you've never been annoyed by the same behavior u exhibit with your friends <3 nature of humanity is that we're all simultaneously the loud children in the street AND the grumpy annoyed old man who doesn't return footballs

nature of humanity is that we're all big fat hypocrites! thank you

sensory issues be like *turns up phone brightness to hear better* *turns off light to see better* *socks don’t have to match but they MUST be the same length and texture* *washes hands out of no where because they don’t feel clean* *oversensitive to one sense but undersensitive to another, related sense* *unlocks phone to concentrate*

People who love cold weather are fucking weird. You like to freeze? You like to shiver?? You like when you take a step outside and the air stings your skin???

I hate driving because you have to do everything perfectly as fast as possible or everyone around you will announce their displeasure with airhorns

oh and if you mess up you die and kill a bunch of people at the same time

LITERALLY like disarming a bomb except there’s a peanut gallery watching you and they’ve each got an airhorn and also another bomb

hannibal’s name rhyming with cannibal is like vague enough to be a coincidence but he’s also a fancy chef who always serves organ meat and/or raw meat dishes that exactly line up with whatever body part disappeared from the FBI’s most recent batch of bodies, and he serves it to the FBI, who doesn’t notice

Who’s the biggest weed dealer in Baltimore? I have to consult my friend Hannibis Lecter, the renowned gardener

idk what embezzlement is. is that when you put rhinestones on a jacket

garlic has never wronged me… been a friend through it all

me being ignored (now that i am mature): this is fine i suppose

this is a lie im on the verge of tears

I wish there was an equivalent to the “bitch you live like this?” image for boring minimalist spaces

Rich people truly live in a different dimension

The ruling class is able to purchase actions with no concequences

i’m teaching a tiny little girl to say “nonbinary” and she keeps saying “no banana” and once she said “none bananananary” and honestly? close enough, she’s adorable and her parents are super chill with me and they already taught her to say genderfluid (to her it’s genner-flooood) and transgender (trains genner) and a bunch of sexualities so now i’m adding “none bananananary” to the mix

Taught a kid I was babysitting how to say “genderqueer” and he keeps forgetting how to pronounce it so another good one is “gender weird” and I love it so much