i think it's important as well that buck went to chimney as his Captain. not his friend or his brother-in-law. as his Captain. which i think is because buck didn't know HOW to go to someone about this in a personal capacity. it's so clear that he Wanted to open up to eddie in the ambulance. he was desperate for eddie to look at him and see him and when eddie didn't immediately look at him he quickly swerved to Trucks. and then when eddie DID look at him and see him and notice that something was very wrong (again) buck couldn't do it. he couldn't tell him. even though he Wanted to tell him. because buck is afraid that if people See Him they'll see a screw up. they'll see someone who isn't good enough. so he Can't do it. which says nothing about eddie or anyone else but about how He views himself in his worst moments. so he goes to chimney. significantly as his Captain. says You should fire me as a way to start the conversation because he doesn't know how to do this otherwise. and chimney meets him in the middle. as his Captain. yes he's going to go through the proper channels about this. but also as his friend and as his brother-in-law who knows him and Loves him and who this changes nothing for. and that's really what buck needed. to know that the people he loves don't love him any less or think any less of him. and they didn't.
it was easier for him to ask for punishment than to ask for help.
Fuuuuuuuck. @poughkeepsiesjr
