#house move

Back to Anglesey to pick up the keys to the new place tomorrow.

Landlord seems decent, which is nice, and I have a 40 day overlap to move, so I can take my time for the most part. (We're just gonna ignore that it's gonna cost me like a grand more than it should to rent two houses at once for so long but nowte I can do about it)

Got a sleeping bag so I can stay there overnight then head back to start packing once I've got the place clean and figured out paints.

Then I have like 9 days to fully pack everything before the painter starts painting the new place, once the paint is done and dry, I can move my shit across. Then spend a good three days moving the snakes, mainly because the bioactive terrarium for the gecko is gonna take half a day and all my energy to sort, and I'll sort the snakes a stack at a time...

Then I'll leave a blanket and the crappy sofa bed at the old place so I can stay over when I have archery but otherwise the place is emort to clean and repaint.

I found my baby blanket ❤️

Am I intimidated to move? Definitely. After the pandemic & lockdowns I definitely developed some Stockholm syndrome. Even taking a trip away made me alarmed that I wasn't in my bedroom after 2 days, so totally moving out of it FOREVER is going to be a big shakeup psychologically, potentially.

On the flip side, the signs are there that I should take the opportunity to move on. I haven't liked my house as much since they cut down the lovely big old tree in my backyard. They threw the branches in the garden that I had painstakingly cleared in the spring to make a space to sit in in the summer. Where do you go from that kind of self-centeredness?

The area is changing too. It's more expensive, and to be fair, I have my fair share of stressful memories associated with this location. The friends who used to live here who don't any more. The ghosts I see. Shadows of a past I'd rather forget - and yet, can't avoid the truth that I experienced, and at the time, was dear to me.

So far this year my tarot reading - the Hierophant - is coming true in many ways, just like it did last year. It's interesting to observe. Do I feel adrift? Mostly. But maybe that's a healthy recognition of a place that it suits to be. Maybe not having that self awareness would be worse.

Anyway, I'm mostly writing this to look back on for my state of mind once it's done and moved on with. I think I'll miss the lost potentials of this house. I was so ill here for so many years. So many missed opportunities - not that I blame myself now that I know. But frankly, there's also a lot unenviable about it. The lack of curtains. The awkward space. The fact five years on some of my clothes are still in a suitcase. That I work from home on a side table with a chair borrowed from the lounge Mon-Fri, and from my bed when I need to charge the computer. That this was the house I was in after my operation, when I broke my arm, for quarantine, for that Christmas all on my own. Where I got fired from the job that was my lifeline. Where I got bad news. Where J.Sw told me the truth that shook our world.