.

life is like a giant mushroom 

Explain

is it really so difficult, so troublesome to put the bread tie back on the bag

My mom made this post

why the fuck is doctor phil asking you this

he’s been split into his Law half and his Chaos half and his friends set them up on a blind date to fuse him back to normal

i envy people who have dreams with clear rational plots like “i was on my favourite tv show for a day” my dreams are like i’m in a diner and i’m pregnant. i leave the diner and i’m in a forest watching the pregnant woman who is no longer me. she turns around and now we’re in a jeep and she’s my dad. we’re listening to music which is somehow numbers. he asks if i remember the time we went to pakistan and i say yeah because i do. i wake up and remember i’ve never been to pakistan in my life.

N64!