patches

my ability to be both a sweetie pie and a sick pervert will lead me to great things

Mommy doesn't get it. Explain the joke. Explain the joke for Mommy.

the hottest thing a guy can be is barely conscious on the floor while someone lifts his head up by the hair so that you can see his glazed out eyes and the blood running down his face

Genuinely evil and dark-sided to put the periods between the letters in "milf" and "dilf." Like what is M.I.L.F. that is a supervillain organization composed entirely of cougars. Whoa that's a great idea actually post canceled hold on

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

Babe are you okay I saw you reblogging "here's the life I've always longed for"

*making two dolls kiss and dropping them both out nowhere, all the emotion and life leaving my face* right. enough of that.

e me a mail

make the attachment a pic of a snail

I still reference this post today. And yes, when I say I reference it I mean I sing it.

every time it rains i have the urge to say “well our plan to stand alone in a field with a metal rod is out” which no one ever recognizes is from phineas and ferb but usually kills anyway