Patches

She/Him

18

Main blog: @mantamarie

- growing up

I have a personal niche-ish idea of Ellernate having covert dissociative identity disorder, I really like the perception of Ellernate struggling with amnesia, lack of identity, and overall struggles of those with DID. I believe he isn’t aware of it, nor will he be unless he got professional help.

This lead to me believing that Ellenate has struggled with repeated trauma (whilst I think mental abuse is the best way to describe my belief of what happened, it could really be anything repeated. Up to your belief.) from birth.

Some point along the lines, he ran away from home and had been living the high life since.

- relationships/friendships

His childhood lead to him being a people pleaser, and wanting people to like him and rely on him. He doesn’t form meaningful relationships, however. Instead he has a disconnect from most people.

Ellernate feels like he has a huge gap of “who” he is and “what” he is. So there is a wonder of if anything he has ever done was genuine at all, these stops makes him struggle with forming actual relationships that are more than just deals.

However this yearning lead him to wanting to have someone who loves him truly, platonical and or not. This yearning, along with his people pleasing traits, lead him to encouraging unhealthy behaviors and having a fake positivity with others.

If one or two people truly relied on him, then he would self-isolate and try to better them in his “own” way. Something something, Ellernate having a savior complex to his special people would be sick.

I also think a lot of his identity is sourced from others, so if his friends is mad , HE’S mad. Despite him not understanding why they’re so mad to begin with. (He’s a hypocrite)

- personality traits

Bc of Ellernate’s lack of identity, I don’t think he even knows that he realized that he mimics and takes from other people around him. A lot of his traits are stolen from those who he “admires” or is “friends” with, or even his own “persona” (the people pleasing traits) of himself because he can hardly remember what he’s like on his own.

This mimicking blurs together to make his own “persona” at some point, but it’s not really who he is as a person. He’s unsure who he is as a person, since he “changes up” every week, at least that’s how he views it as.

- he does care for people

Despite everything, he does care for people. He just doesn’t understand how to use his care in a way that doesn’t value his own self-worth on it. His love for others isn’t fictional, despite him thinking that it is.

I like to believe it’s care, but his struggle and need to feel important gets in the way. He could learn to be healthy, he could learn to be better, but he already feels so amazing when his special people, trll him he’s special.

He does his actions because he thinks that it’s the right thing to do, he believes in encouraging isolation and other unhealthy behaviors, bc he views it as love.

- home life

I think Ellernate tries to over-compensate himself by doing actions around the around the house, acts of service and physical touch is a huge love language for him.

- trust issues/selfishness/caring about people

Caleb244 experiences a variety of trust issues, which is sourced from his nature and experiences with being a scammer. He does a lot of things for his own benefit, that being said, it’s not like he doesn’t care for people. He just cares to an extent, and will obviously drop, scam, or harm thoses if it benefits him.

He doesn’t let those get close because of the belief that he’s better, so if he does let someone get close, it can become chaotic in nature. He constantly tries to push the other into leaving, trying to threaten them or behave irrational as to “prove himself right” that the other will leave.

If that works, he’ll spiral more and get more aggressive. Maybe even yelling or trying to piss them off in a variety of ways. Hiding behind his sense of superiority against the other.

His selfishness and need to feel better doesn’t allow him to see other people’s views well. He has no cognitive or affective empathy, instead running off how he feels, not the other.

- why is he like this?

I believe he experienced neglect, whether it be emotional or physical, causing him to have a strong sense of independent and ego formed by the need to protect himself.

He’s better than everyonr for surviving that, therefore he deserves the world and will do anything to get that world

- house life

I think prior to him finding a stable environment for him to live, he would carry very little and safeguard his money/limiteds as much as he had between places or friends. He doesn’t have the stability of a home, and commits identity theft a lot.

Do we fuck with Caleb x Ellernate eye emoji eye emoji

That led to me characterizing him with high barriers and a lack of friendships, I tied that into his zombie identity. If you were something everyone fear, then nobody would see you. If you have nobody, and everyone who attempted to get close, was seeking you out for business purposes, then it would be hard to trust anyone.

Caleb244 is known to be bitchy, known to be a dick. And I’m sure that bothered the shit out of Kirby when they first met prior to Choka. He was everything he didn’t want to be around.

Yet for Caleb, he didn’t mind being around Kirby. Caleb himself can probably relate to having a high barrier, due to the fact he thinks it’s every man for himself.

Despite them both having these trust issues, the way I view them reacting is very different.

Whilst caleb244 goes straight into aggression, Kirbycaden goes to sobbing before his anger.

Kirby trusted Choka, and I believe that was the first one he truly had let him “in”. She promised to be there for him, comforted him, played on all of his insecurities, and this caused to form some bond with Choka. Finally letting someone in.

(Fear on ao3, by patchesofcut)

So when Choka, and Vice versa caleb244, was revealed to be fake. I can imagine how he was shattered, very emotionally upset. Probably unable to get out of bed for weeks, whilst coming with terms that he still does love Choka, and vice versa towards Caleb, yet he still had to fight back.

Although instead of “fighting back” to make sure people understand the fact Kirbycaden been hacked, he did it more so he could gain some form of attention from Caleb. Because there’s truly no undoing the damage he did to his reputation, whether he got his accounts back or not, he’s pretty fucked.