rebel without a clue

my rooster doesn’t crow when the sun rises, he crows when he hears humans wake up, like you can literally just roll over in bed and he’s like “hoLY SHIT THAT’S A PEOPLE THE HUMAN ISAWAKE AHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

the same rooster - god guys he’s so cute - he always lets hens eat treats first and won’t have any treats until they’ve had as much as they want, unless it’s a blueberry. shit, blueberries are like serious fucking business for Pharaoh. he’s a gentleman until the damn blueberries come out and then he don’t play no fuckin games

Made a lowball offer on eBay as a joke and it got accepted. uh oh.

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats

i hate when something is in 20 minutes

Sleeping poorly is so embarrassing... sorry im grumpy I stayed up past my bedtime. Like a toddler

“start your free trial now” what if i told u i am already experiencing trials. and the cost is more than i can bear

you seem avoidant for a girl who’s so hungry to experience the full breadth of human connection

Quiznos Coyote is a mood that you can feel. next time you feel it say "I feel Quiznos Coyote about this."

some of yall didnt go insane at 15 and it shows