The Best Spider

Nat <3

Tumblr used to be so much fun with all the asks (anonymous or otherwise), and we need to bring those back, especially now that we finally have a half-decent blocking feature in place.

Why did you do it?

There are absolutes (;)

The car is full (there’s a seat for someone who was late); 

There is never animosity (dislike and hatred are not the same); 

We are late for an important appointment (a doctor of some kind, the irony burns); 

We turn on a street too late (there is no light, there is no blame);

 The car that hits us is white (an almost hit and run); 

The driver never dies (you are always the driver, would you die to save someone else);

The car is always red (it shines so differently than blood); 

I break my leg (I wake up a week later in the hospital); 

You end up with me (is this how it always happens); 

There is always someone called Nikolai (he is never the driver); 

There is always a child with the nickname ‘fina (she comes after the wreck);

I have had this dream since I was five (it is as much a nightmare);

It is strange to mourn those that which I’ve never known (are you even real)

Support My Writing?

I keep everything in boxes in my mind

An unorganized storage unit cavernous in size

Compartmentalized for the safety of everyone

Childhood trauma memories I’ve packed away

What I wouldn’t give to have some of them gone

The labels a warning ‘do not open; unable to close’

The tape is pulled off by the assurance of understanding

What I wouldn’t give to have it be empty

The assurance leaves, after promising to stay, like everything

Instead it is now a creature that should never have been

It wanders aimlessly through my mind

Picking and biting and pulling at thoughts and memories trauma

This creature aches, it screams and cries

It wants to be held but any hand that reaches for it is attacked

This creature stays alone, curled in a hollow corner 

Horror is it’s only expression; unable to comprehend anything but what was done to it

I feel like a stranger to myself now

Why am I somebody else when I look in the mirror

Why does my face distort into who I would be without this

Why can’t I put it back

Everything was fine

Everything was fine

There will always be good and bad The scale will always sway when you choose the weight it shows It will always be a choice but never mine I am outside of the situation I am outside of the problem Yet I’m the catalyst How does a catalyst exist outside the area of damage? It doesn’t I simply have not assessed the damage I’ve suffered I cannot be harmed if I’m not aware I’m bleeding right?