Painfully Embarrassed

customer service

😂😂😂😂😂

what is my perfect crime? i break into tiffany’s at midnight. do i go for the vault? no, i go for the chandelier. it’s priceless. as i’m taking it down, a woman catches me. she tells me to stop. it’s her father’s business. she’s tiffany. i say no. we make love all night. in the morning, the cops come and i escape in one of their uniforms. i tell her to meet me in mexico, but i go to canada. i don’t trust her. besides, i like the cold. thirty years later, i get a postcard. i have a son and he’s the chief of police. this is where the story gets interesting. i tell tiffany to meet me in paris by the trocadero. she’s been waiting for me all these years. she’s never taken another lover. i don’t care. i don’t show up. i go to berlin. that’s where i stashed the chandelier.

we need better sex ed because I know a girl who thought that the female orgasm always involved squirting so she fakes by peeing on guys and this needs to stop

Let her continue

me: *has small inconvenience* me: i guess the only solution is To Die

everybody thinks their dog is the best dog in the world and everybody is right

um.

WHEN SHE WON HER BOYFRIEND SCALED THE TOWER TO JOIN HER AND SHE HUGS HIM AND SAYS “I DID IT” IN THE CUTEST LITTLE KID VOICE EVER it’s the best.

LET IT BE KNOWN SHE IS ONLY 5 FOOT TALL! MEN WITH HUGE ARM SPANS FAILED AT TASKS SHE SUCCEEDED AT! I LOVE HER! 

I love how through the whole run, the announcers just kept doubting her. “Since she is only 5 feet she will have some major difficulties in this next- HOLY CANNOLI!!”

nice 420 joke the police are on their way

sugar daddies where ya at?? I need money for cute lingerie and tattoos and shit. message me pls. you’ll get nothing in return.

Re-blogging again because of the gif 😂😂

RN.

😂😂😂😂 👀