Packet Dancing

getting followed by porn bots is weird and that’s coming from a guy with multiple 🥵 concubines

step aside you old cut-sleeve, i shall court these maidens!

the marquis of homo WISHES he had a fraction of my imperial glory!

right so i’m one of the most well regarded emperors in the history of china and you’re the guy who had to put “shut up about the mercury” in his bio

“hi i’m sailor mars welcome to jackass”

Then there was the time my fellow classics students and I killed an afternoon by working out the cast and plot of The Muppet Odyssey, which we concluded would be the greatest movie ever made.

Christopher Nolan is a coward, honestly.

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.

THIS WILL NEVER NOT BE FUNNY 

Holy moly they're GOOD. The music is fucking FIRE, and the outfits??? They're all so PRETTY???

Does anybody know who these are??? Do they have albums!! 🤩🤩🤩

did a bit of driving through the state of georgia today and wound up driving through a small town that i later discovered was called newborn, which is an odd name but doesn’t technically have anything wrong with it, except for the fact that i nearly gave myself whiplash doing a double-take at a building sign advertising NEWBORN TAXIDERMY

hey. don’t cry. crush two cloves of garlic into a pot with a dollop of olive oil and stir until golden then add one can of crushed tomatoes a bit of balsamic vinegar half a tablespoon of brown sugar half a cup of grated parmesan cheese and stir for a few minutes adding a handful of fresh spinach until wilted and mix in pasta of your choice ok?