What's zup?

notice, chapter 3: twelve

| modern au | childhood friends to lovers | neighbors au |

five times Rayla hurts and Callum notices, from eight to sixteen rated t “I thought—I thought you liked me. Just forget this ever happened. I’ll—”

HAPPY VALENTINES💓

it's not just "worrying a lot" or one dramatic flashback scene. anxiety can be constant background noise, or it can hit in sudden physical waves, racing heart, nausea, feeling weirdly detached from your own body. PTSD is the nervous system staying on high alert long after the actual danger's gone. ask what the specific triggers and symptoms are before you write it, bc generalized anxiety and trauma-based PTSD work in genuinely different ways.

⤷ panic attacks are physical, not just emotional. chest tightness, dizziness, tingling hands, a feeling like you're dying or completely detached from reality. a character having one for the first few times might genuinely think something is medically wrong with them, not just "oh no i'm scared." it's not just breathing fast and looking spooked, it's the body convinced it's under attack.

⤷ triggers are rarely obvious or dramatic. a specific smell, a certain tone of voice, a particular time of day, fluorescent lighting. trauma responses often get triggered by mundane sensory details that seem to have nothing to do with the original event on the surface, and the character themselves might not even understand why they just shut down. don't limit your triggers to "seeing something that looks exactly like what happened," the brain makes connections that don't have to make sense to anyone watching from outside.

⤷ hypervigilance is exhausting and constant, not a dramatic beat. a character with PTSD might automatically scan every room for exits the second they walk in, sit facing the door out of habit, flinch at sudden movement or noise. this isn't them having A Moment, it's background behavior they've stopped even noticing themselves, bc it's just how their body operates now.

⤷ avoidance isn't cowardice, it's self-protection. a character refusing to talk about something, changing the subject, leaving the room, that's not necessarily weak-willed. avoidance is often the nervous system's own attempt to prevent a flashback or a panic response before it starts. writing forced confrontation as the only real path to healing is a common trope, but it's not actually how most healing works.

⤷ recovery isn't linear and doesn't end with one cathartic scene. a character can do real, genuine trauma work and still have a bad week months or even years later. writing healing as a single breakthrough moment after which the anxiety or PTSD is just "resolved" undersells how long and nonlinear this process actually is for most people, and honestly can make readers who are living through it feel like something's wrong with them for not being "fixed" already.

do the research, and if you can, read firsthand accounts from people who've actually lived through this rather than just other fiction that's already gotten it wrong.

I'm about to fall asleep like #Callum here...

I've been thinking about this for a couple days now. Just have to get it out of my brain.

On Instagram as per4mancecheck as well

Here’s a link to my most recent album:

And that’s a link to a brand new opera I filmed recently in the leading role.

World premiere of Temptress Helen for soprano and viola

Tres Canciones for soprano and cello

Featured on Ask of Me What the Birds Sang

“Poor wand’ring one” from Pirates of Penzance; old video from a 2022 concert that has been freshly released (I adore Gilbert & Sullivan and love to perform and conduct this music!)

Latest release!

Conducting dates coming soon!

This Fall I will be singing the role of Edith in Pirates of Penzance with Annapolis Opera! This will be my sixth opera with Annapolis and I get the best of both worlds (with solos and chorus!) and I’m literally so stoked. Doesn’t feel real. Feels right for my first role with Annapolis to be Gilbert and Sullivan.

Get your tickets here!