owl deceiver

Merlin: yes, no, maybe, I don't know

Arthur: are you aware you just gave every possible answer to that question?

Arthur, to gaius: eyebrows.

Gaius:

New headcanon:

Dirk chose a middle name beginning with C so that on cases in the UK he could legitimately introduce himself as DC Gently to get police intel.

Got in trouble for impersonating the police but they let him go after he looked at them with ingenuous wide eyed innocence for an hour straight

Todd, Farah, and Amanda spend some time guessing what the C might stand for when they find out but none of them get the answer... mainly because it is:

Ctevphen

Lacking a formal education at the time, this is how Dirk thought it was spelt and now it's his legal middle name...

Dirk Ctevphen Gently

Dirk: *huffs a laugh while looking at paperwork*

Dirk: Oh, I’m sorry, mate

Stephen: What?

Dirk: Your name

Stephen: What about it?

Dirk: You know, how it’s misspelled. I bet that must be so embarrassing having that on your birth certificate

Stephen: It’s… not… misspelled?

Dirk: Yes it is. I would know, it’s my middle name too

Stephen: …how do you spell it?

Dirk: *proudly* C-t-e-v-p-h-e-n

Dirk:

Dirk: I’m beginning to suspect that’s not how that’s spelled

Stephen: … no it’s not

the earth was flat until some people pissed off god enough that he punched it round

the sun and moon used to be trees, but a big spider ate them

elves even being in middle-earth can be traced back to one (1) dude hating that people mispronounced his mom's name

sauron is a werewolf

elrond's biological parents are a star and a bird now

there's a sexy vampire lady

fighting a balrog barehanded is so cool it'll get you reincarnated right away even if there isn't a current big crisis going on (sorry gandalf, glorfindel just did it better)

satan got banned from heaven for playing his own music too loud

Annabeth: (office style interview) Everyone is being super weird lately. I mean I know not everyone likes Percy but there is a really weird tension in the air. And everyone keeps staring at me. I mean I know people thought I died but I’m fine. Mostly. And Percy has been staring at me a lot lately.

Percy: (office style interview) I may have told some people to go fuck themselves. And threw someone in the lake. I also might have yelled at an 8 year old. If I did any of those things. I’m not sorry about it. I did what I had to do to save one of my best friends.

I have been reading more arthurian stories but the thing i’m most obsessed with is Perceval by Chrétien de Troyes.

Perceval is like…. what if you had a medieval knight but he was a stupid teenager with ADHD who is also a mary sue that can kill everyone in a single hit and is the best at being a knight with zero training. He gets scared of the sounds of metal armor and thinks its demons coming after him. He doesn’t know his own name until like 3,000 lines into the poem and even then he’s just guessing what his name is and somehow gets it right. He seems to love his mom and always talks about her but he also saw her faint one time and was just like ‘oh well, that’s probably fine. I’m leaving.’ ..???????

Ive only seen like 5 posts on tumblr about perceval i need everyone to read perceval i am begging you please please please please please please please please please plea-

Online english translation (rhyming): https://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/French/DeTroyesPercevalPartI.php

"Horse but make it a lizard and give it bat wings and horns"

didnt know how to interpret "make it a lizard" so i wrote lizard and drew an arrow pointing to the horse so people know its a lizard. Also didn't know what bat horns were so I gave it a horned bat nose

"A body like a big cat but completely covered in scales, the head of a crocodile with the horns of an ibex, and the wings of a bat on its back"

On it boss o7, ive mashed all these animals together and threw scales all over it. This the dragon you saw?

"Take a lizard, extend the neck. Add a pair of bat wings to the back. Add horns and sharp teeth."

Seems like we're onto somethin' boss! Though idk how it'd be so fearsome bein such a small thing.

"Big-ass lizard with wings" "big lizard" "Giant lizard" "Big fucking lizard"

don't seem too special?

"Imagine a winged alligator that was 70 feet tall and aware of its existence"

i dont know if this is a dragon but it could definitely be some kind of god

"Dinosaur with wings and horns?"

Dunno which dino you were talkin about so i just picked a random one. Stegosauus :}

"Big snake with legs and horns that can breathe fire"

Ah. Hm.

it is the most random shit ever and percy just be like

"wHeRe HaVe YoU bEeN pAl"