Fuck you

sideblog

if you know our main dont mention it or yoUR GETTING SLIMED OUT

This is for the subsys with the guy who REEEEALLY FUCKING HATES some people to just. Rant on. And reblog like Joel smallishbeans art also because the subsys holds the majority of our smallishbeans hyperfixation

members:

Joel - host

Jonah - anger-holder

JJ - co-host, caretaker

Max - internal self-helper

Roy - middle, just exists lmao

we don’t even get bad cramps it’s just annoying man 💔🥀

you never wanted to talk it out with them

you said “no they’ll [blah blah BLAH]”

█████, remember how you felt about your friend talking about their qpp a lot

how I stood with you and comforted you and god I tried to convince you to talk it out but you didn’t

that’s exactly what happened.

you would talk about Them so much

if it wasn’t Them it was Their ocs

you FORGOT YOU WERE HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH ME BECAUSE OF THEM YOU DITCHED THAT CONVERSATION BECAUSE OF THEM

and you just didn’t fucking care about me.

you just didn’t care.

you never did and never will because ALL you care about is Them

you. are. a. hypocrite.

it isn’t quite the right word

it’s not a jumble of us

or a mix or a ‘who’s fronting?’

it’s running from amnesia is the best way I can put it

it feels like there’s a black cloud chasing us

erasing every memory from just minutes ago

it’s fuzzy and sticky and gross

it’s forgetting what i was just thinking

it’s dizzying and tiring

it makes me just want to take a nap

there’s not much of a sense of personality when we’re “blurry”

memories come and go

one second I’m in the car and the next I’m in my room

“what did i just say?”

“what’re we doing?”

“i’m…someone?”

i wish I could stop running

I have them a lot, actually

Sometimes it’s made up fantasies

“What if █████ asked to be friends again?”

And then a little voice inside me goes

“I’d have the pleasure of denying █████ that.”

Sometimes the thoughts are worse

I don’t want to agree with those

“I hate █████ I want █████ gone.”

“I hope █████ is doing bad.”

Those ones are louder

Repetitive

I don’t want to think that

But what control do I have?

Sometimes I lie that they’re someone else

“Maybe it’s 💢”

I say, trying to place the blame

I know it’s not

I wish I could just stop thinking about █████

Maybe it’s more that I want █████ gone from my mind

MAIN HOST IS NOT THE FUCKING PROBLEM

WE HAVE COMMUNICATION ISSUES FROM TRUST ISSUES FROM GETTING FUCKING BULLIED EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY?

AND ON TOP OF THAT BAD EMOTIONAL REGULATION FROM ADHD?

NOT TO MENTION ITS ALREADY SO HARD FOR US TO NAME OUR EMOTIONS BECAUSE OF ADHD?

AND YOU HAVE

THE FUCKING AUDACITY

TO SAY WE’RE THE PROBLEM

YOU KNOW YOU FUCKING KNOW WE HAVE COMMUNICATION ISSUES YOU KNOW WE CANT TELL PEOPLE PROBLEMS WE HAVE WITH THEM BECAUSE WE ASSUME THE WORST AND YOU KNOW WE ALWAYS WAIT UNTIL ITS TOO LATE AND ALL THE EMOTIONS TURN INTO ANGER AND HATE

you fucking. know that.

we showed him photos of us when we were younger (because we felt comfortable doing so) and he made two comments. Both of which are SHITTY AND RUDE AND FUCKHIMFUCKHIMFUCKHIM

for one, “you looked better then, you look like someone hollowed out your face now,” BITCH? ASSHOLE FUCKYOU OH MY GOD. FOR LNE WE HAVE ARFID? HE KNOWS THIS? FOR TWO ITS BECAUSE WE’RE OLDER NOW? BABYFAT IS THING OH MY GOD HES A FUCKING DIPSHIT.

for TWO, and oh my GOD THIS ONE PISSES ME OFF. “You looked better with long hair.”

THE MAJORITY OF US ARE MALE, MALE-ALIGNED, OR MASC IN SOME WAY. HE KNOWS THIS. AND HE HAS THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO SAY THAT

WE

LOOKED

BETTER

WHEN

WE

HATED

OURSELF

WE FUCKING HATED OURSELF WE HAD SO MUCH DYSPHORIA WE WERE SAD ALL THE FUCKING TJME AND THEN WE CHOPPED OUT HAIR OFF AND FELT SO MUCH BETTER AND HES GONNA COME OUT HERE AND SAY THAT WE LOOKED BETTER AS A WOMAN. ABSOLUTLY FUCKING NOT THATS. THAT SEEMS LIKE TRANSPHOBIA LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.