But We'll All Be Fine

this is my favorite fuckin comic ever I have never seen something capture the experience so well

looking up the calories in fruit is so embarrassing dude. “oh the carbohydrates—” it’s literally fucking banana ? eat it. come on man. feel SOME joy

it’s literally fucking banana. Idiot

it's kinda fucked up we don't have real enchanted jewelry like i wanna go to micheals and buy a ring that makes my pens use 10% less ink when i wear it or something

setting eyelid status to closed. setting breathing speed to slow. setting breathing pattern to steady. setting muscles to relaxed. setting brain to counting Sheep. setting consciousness to False. setting dreams to True. aaaaaaaand we have sleep off. great job guys (little garden gnomes crawl out my ears and scurryaround my house)

I once had a professor SLAM a thermos down on his desk and say to us “there’s more pressure in my sinuses right now than there is at the bottom of the sea. This thing’s full of NyQuil. I’m going to drink it while I teach, and when your heads are replaced by swirling rainbows, I will cancel the rest of class.” The class ended up being 17 minutes long.

Your professor was trying to fight God

I was in a class in undergrad, fellow classmate walks in 20, maybe 30 minutes after class started and slightly out of breath. Professor gives a vague look of curiosity and the kid says “my bad. They set up a bouncy castle outside.” The Professor perks up “there’s a bouncy castle?! Class dismissed!” and straight up ran out of the room. It was a 10am class.

One of my favorite English professors of all time, one time came into class, apologized for being massively hungover, it had been his anniversary the night before and his wife had been doing it up. Then proceeded to spend the rest of the class telling us stories of New York in the 80s when he hung out with mobsters and did cocaine.

Co-napping is a beautiful thing. Knock out with me so I know it’s real

Sometimes I'm like "it would be pretty neat to have a throne of skulls" but then I remember thrones tend to come with some kind of management type job and that's too much responsibility for me I think.

Consider instead a very fancy daybed frame made of skulls, for all your dramatic lounging needs. No one will interrupt your relaxation time when there's the looming thought in their mind that they, too, have a skull to donate to the furnishings.

shopping carts are pathetic little herd animals and when you don’t bring them back to their corrals after they’re done helping you they scream and cry and wail because they’re alone and scared and exposed to predators. you have the power to prevent this

You guys can't post stuff like this it makes me sad