Love Me Right

You took a sip of that red wine that you just poured generously for you before you cloud gently place your glass back onto the kitchen island. You spun the bottle with your hand, debating on pouring yourself another glass before doing so. You took another swing of it before placing the glass back and feeling your stomach gets warm. You looked up from the marble tops to your surrounding and you felt the room was already spinning.

           You placed the bottle back into the fridge before you could place the empty glass into the sink and walked towards the couch. You throw yourself onto the couch as you let out a heavy sigh. Staring at the white ceiling of your apartment before covering your face with the palms of your hand.

           You didn’t know what to feel—to be exact; you don’t quiet know what are you feeling right now. You feel like you wanted to cry, you wanted to scream, you wanted to smash something, you wanted to punch someone, you wanted to get mad, you wanted to laugh—you were feeling everything, and it felt too much for you.

You felt like you’ve just been walking in circle, falling for the same type of guys every now and then. And then eventually… getting hurt the same way over and over again. You felt like you’ve been traumatized to ever open yourself to someone, you felt like you don’t need a steady relationship just yet. All you need right now is to find yourself and be happy with yourself.

           But, you felt like everytime you’re ready to move past everything, there’s always that little something that reminded you of him. It feels like everywhere you go, you’re just getting yourself haunted by his ghost. Even when you know hewon’t be in a place, you’re just so afraid to cross paths with each other in public.  

You met him about a year ago, when your bestfriend, BamBam, introduce you to his group friends. You just moved into the city and BamBam thought it would be great if he’d introduce you to his friend group.

“Mark.” He introduced himself to you and you smiled. He was cute. He was wearing a baggy black t-shirt tucked nicely into his black jeans.

           “(Y/N), you smiled, introducing yourself before moving to the others. BamBam of course, was always an outgoing and cheerful whenever he’s around you. It was actually Jaebum’s idea to take you around the town and treated everyone for dinner. Jaebum insisted on paying, but then you negotiate with him to split the bill, and he finally gave in and thanked you. Apparently right after dinner, they were all called for a meeting and had to get back to the agency.

           “I’ll drive her… if that’s okay with you, Bam.” Mark volunteered taking a step closer to you.

           BamBam nodded his head to the oldest member of the group, “Yeah, of course! Thank you for taking her mark, (Y/N), trust me, you’re in good hands.” BamBam said and you just laughed.

           “Aren’t you going to be late?” You asked Mark as you parted ways with the others.

           “Nah, I’m always on time… fashionably late.” Mark winked to you and you just rolled your eyes.

           You got to know Mark better as you were on your way to your apartment. He told you about how he first got here, and he was struggling to even order his own food, causing you to laugh and he shared his most funny story with the others. When you reached the apartment, you both exchanged phone numbers before he could tell you goodnight and sped off to his agency.

The second time you both met, was when you just got off from work and he texted if he could pick you up and take you out for a dinner. You gladly accepted his invitation and you both truly did have an amazing time. You didn’t tell BamBam that you’ve been going out with Mark untilhe finally asked you out for the third time. BamBam was surprised, yet excited to hear it.

           “I thought you’re off from the relationship train for a while?” BamBam asked, as you lay your stomach on the bed.

           “I know… I don’t want a relationship.” You told him, “But let’s just see where this one goes.” You told him before you could hear him sigh.

           “You’re only getting yourself hurt…” He scolded.

           “Let’s hope this one sticks.”

And it did stick for a couple of months. And then one night, right after dinner at your place you asked if he wanted to stay for a little longer and watch a movie together. He agreed on your idea and you both snuggled up on the couch together. The movie you were watching was Crazy Rich Asian, and whenever Rachel and Nick kisses, you felt the urge to turn your head to him and kiss him. And surely, that moment came. When the wedding ceremony part of the movie came, you caught Mark already staring at you and you could feel your face all red. You hide your face on Mark’s shoulder but to only looking back at him adoringly. You felt yourself leaning your face closely towards him as his face was getting closer to you. the next thing you knew, he had his lips on you and it turned into a heated make out session on the couch. You parted your lips from him as his eyes didn’t left yours and he followed you as you lay down on the couch and he was hovering on top of you. Things took and amazing turn that night. Mark was the first person you’d ever let do anything to you. But he was so gentle and so careful with what he did, and you thought that he might ask you to be his girlfriend right after it. But no.

It took a horrible turn.

After that night, you haven’t heard from him anymore. He didn’t text, nor even call you. You were still thinking on the positive side—that maybe he’s busy, and he got into trouble and he kept communicating with you to a minimum. You started to overthink everything when BamBam is texting you just fine. You started to think that maybe he is avoiding you, maybe he didn’t want to see you? Maybe he got what he already wanted. And that was to sleep with you.

           The week after, you were starting to lose it. You felt terrible about yourself, you felt disgusted with yourself. BamBam, as your bestfriend noticed that something was wrong with you, but you kept it all to yourself. He seemed to noticed Mark acting so weird with him as well, but he didn’t want to push either both of you because he felt it’s none of his business. But he finally break your silence and you told him what happened. You cried when you told him because you felt enough amount of wight has been lifted upon you. He told yout hat he wanted to pick a fight with Mark, but you told him no, you don’t want Mark to know that he knows. So with a heavy heart, BamBam promise not to kill Mark without your permission.

           For the last week, BamBam had been there for you, to cheer you up, and he avoid any work topic that involved mark in it. Even when he didn’t bring it up, you would sometimes still ask for him. But BamBam didn’t give in. you would still cry now and then but, you still have BamBam who is ready to cheer you up whenever.

“Bam, I can’t come over tonight…” You groaned on the phone, leaning on the table with your arm. You were currently still in your office, trying to catch up with the deadlines and paperwork.

           “Why not? The guys were looking forward on having you here!” BamBam told you, and you looked at the clock that was sitting beside your computer screen.

           “I know, I know, I’m sorry… It’s just that…” You looked around, making sure that no one could hear you. “My boss was suddenly in rage, and he fired one of my supervisors, so I had to cover all of her work per today!” You told him.

           “Really? Wow, that’s a total bummer…”

           “But hey, if I do get off early, I’ll drop by.” You told him.

           “Okay… just let me know if you’re going to be here.”

           “Alright… Talk to you later Bam.” You said before you could hang up the phone and grind yourself back to work.

“(Y/N)! Glad you could make it!” Jinyoung said happily, as he gave you a warm hug.

“I’m sorry I’m so, very late… there was a bunch of paperwork I had to do and—”

“(Y/N), in this gathering,” Jinyoung cuts in, “we don’t speak of work—we speak of food and fun.” Jinyoung smile as he puts his arm around you. When you walked into the room, you noticed how there were more people than you’ve expected. On in particular, you expect to be there very much. Sitting on the couch, talking to a dolled up girl next to him, before she could burt into laughter on something he had said. You felt your heart had been stabbed a couple of times, and the lump in your throat thickens. It was Mark.

You were once in her position. Once. You were once that laugh at his jokes and all of his funny stories as you both enjoy a good wine right after work. Did he pick her up too like he usually does when you’re working? Or does he invite her to a dinner date right after that? You felt like you wanted to turn your heels and go, but then—

“(Y/N)! I thought you couldn’t make it?” BamBam suddenly burst out of nowhere with Youngjae. And somehow you saw how fast Mark’s head turned to you before you caught his eyes and turn to BamBam again.

“I told you if I could, I would.” You tried to smile to him.

“Well you’re in luck, there’s still some grilled meat left! Come on, let’s get you something to eat.” BamBam pulled you from Jinyoung to the where the food was as Jinyoung followed behind. BamBam asked how was work, before Jinyoung gave him the glare.

“Bam, you know better to not talk about work!” He said, and BamBam raised both of his hands.

“She was having a hard time at work, I had to ask.” BamBam explained and you raised your hand, pausing the conversation as you took a sip of your coke.

           You explained what had happened at work to Jinyoung and BamBam, and how your supervisor just got fired and how it went down.

           “I mean—for real, it was just… nasty, and how my boss chose me was just tense.” You raked your hair back before you could tie it up into a mess bun.

           “He just picked you, like that? No need for qualification interview?” BamBam asked, and you turned to him with your eyebrow raised.

           “Are you saying, (Y/N) is not qualified to be the next supervisor?”

           “No, don’t say that! You’ll jinx it!” You quickly turned to Jinyoung, and you could see the wide smile on his face.

           “So you don’t want tha position?” Jinyoung asked you and you shook yoru head.

           “No, it’s not that I don’t want the position, it’s just that… it’s all of a sudden you know, like, I don’t even know if I am qualified for it, or even If I’m ready for a higher position.” You told him.

           As you were speaking with Jinyoung and BamBam, one individual came in and sat beside you. BamBam expression tensed and Mark sat beside you comfortably.

           “What’s the topic?” He asked, takinga swig of the beer.

           “We’re just talking about work.” You answered with a smile to him, before quickly turning away.

           None of you talked right after, you took a sip of your beer before you could finish the whole glass.

           “Whoa, slow down with the drinks there.” Jinyoung told you, and you just shook yoru head.

           “Well, can I have another glass before I have to face reality?” You asked, pushing the glass towards BamBam for another round.

Everything went smoothly the whole night. BamBam stayed by your side as you tried to ignore Mark’s presence everywhere you go. You actually enjoy the gathering and met a lot of other different people, and you completely forget about work. Everytime you started to talk about work, Jinyoung would stop you and changed the subject into something more fun. You moved the conversation to the couch. You looked at the time, and you didn’t’ realize that it was almost past midnight.

           “Oh, shit, I better get going.” You said, finishing your beer before getting up from the couch.

           “Are you sure you can get home by yourself?” BamBam asked, standing up fromt eh couch as if he’s ready to drive you home before you quickly nod your head.

           “Yes, I can get home on my own.” You smiled at him.

           You said your goodbyes to most of them, and you just gave Mark a small smile and a wave before you could leave the room.

           “Wait, (Y/N)!” You heard Mark’s voice behind you as you were outside the building.

           He stood just right below the spotlight, making him look dashing in his black shirt and pants.

           “What?” You asked, trying to act so natural, with all the beer flowing in your system.

           “Let me take you home.” He said.

           “Why? I can drive by myself just fine.” You told him, as you raised your eyebrow. “I just had a couple of beer—I’m not drunk.” You pointed out, and you saw how nervous he was.

           “I wanted to walk to you.” He said.

           You closed your eyes, raising both of your hands in the air as you shook your head. “I don’t want to hear it now.” You turned your heels and walked towards your car.

           “(Y/N)—” He grabbed your hand but you instantly pulled it away from him.

           “DON’T’!” You snapped, raising your pointy finger to him.

           You felt your eyes starting to burn before it’s welled up with your own tears.

           “Don’t touch me… ever, Mark.” Your tears started to stream down and you couls see the hurt expression on his face, when really ,you’re just confused on why he’s the one that is hurting.  

           You walked towards your car before getting yourself in, and slamming the door shut and started the engine. Your tire screech against the asphalt. When you drove far away fom the house enough, you slowed down and you pulled the car to the side before you broke down, crying. You didn’t know what hurts you’re the most; seeing Mark for the first time since that night, or that Mark was acting as if nothing had happened between you two.

           Once you calmed yourself down, you wiped the tears away from your face, just as you saw your phone lights up on the passenger seat.

Double B

Hey, did you get home just yet?

Mark wanted to chase you down but I quickly stopped him and I confronted him

If he calls you or text you please let me know!!!

I’m sorry that I blurted out some of the things you told me.

As you read it, you couldn’t even get mad at him. You sniffed as you wrote him a quick text, replying to him.

ME

I’m on the side of the road, I couldn’t drive

But I’ll let you know when I’m back

It’s okay, at this point I don’t care if he knows too

You placed your phone back onto the passenger side before leaning your forehead against the steering wheel. You let out a sigh, feeling the sense of calm washing over you before you tilt your head up, focusing your eyes on the road again.

           “Let’s go home… let’s go home.” You said to yourself, as you pulled your car from the side of the road, looking from side to side before speeding up back to your place.

-

“Excellent presentation (Y/N)! I knew it wasn’t a mistake to choose you!” He exclaimed, patting you on the back. You smiled at him before you lightly bowed your head.

           “Thank you, I just hope it come through…” You chimed and he lets out a loud laugh.

           “Oh, trust me, it’s going to come through! You did the best!” He smiled as he fixed the suit he was wearing.

           “Why don’t you join me for dinner tonight? I’m sure Mr. Choi would love to speak about your presentation further.” He smiled.

           “I would love to sir, but unfortunately I still have so much things to catch up to… Maybe I can join the next dinner.” You politlely decline and you couls see the soft from on his face.

           “Ah, it’s okay! I’m sorry that I had to pick you as a supervisor so sudden, but I can see now that you’re capable of it.” He said, But I would be looking forward on having dinner with you, and we can discuss about the future plans for out company.” He smiled and you just smiled back at him.

           “I’ll be seeing you soon (Y/N)!” He waved as he walked away towards the elevator and you walked towards your office.

           “(Y/N)!” You heard one of you co-worker called out for you.

           “Yeah?” You turned to see him carrying multiple files and clipped together papers.

           He handed you half of them to you with a grin on his face.

           “These just came in, and it doesn’t have to be done by 2 weeks.”

           You gave him a sarcastic face and he just chuckled.

           “Come on, you’re good with this… you’re probably the most improved one this year.” He winked, walking past you.

           “Was that a compliment?” You turn to look at him, as he continued to walk.

           “If it was a compliment, you’d be smiling right now!” He said, waving his hand up and you just giggled. You looked down to the piles of paper in your hand before shaking your head as you made your way towards your office.

           Hours have gone by and you didn’t realize that it was time to get back home. You shut your laptop off before you could slip it into your bag and put away some papers and files into their places. You brought some of the work that has the closest deadlines with you, and decided to work on it at home. When you waked out from your office, most of your friends were getting ready to head home too. You said thank you and wave a goodbye to them before heading off towards the elevator to the parking lot.

           Since you didn’t cook, you stopped by to a food chain restaurant to get yourself some food for dinner and probably tomorrow morning. As you got back to your apartment, you carry your bag, the food that you just bought, and the paperwork you’ve brought home with your two hands—and you were struggling with it. When you got into the elevator, you placed everything on the floor so that you could carry everything comfortably just before the elevator door opens to your floor. You stepped out from the elevator, surprised to see someone standing in front of your apartment door. The sound of your heels tapping against the marble floor made the figure turn his face to you and you could feel your stopped at your tracks as you saw his face.

           He was wearing a black shirt with blue, navy pants that matches the color of the suit that’s hanging on his shoulder. His dirt blond hair was a bit of a mess, but that’s what makes him so attractive.

           “Mark… what are you doing here?” You asked. You wanted to give him the cold shoulder but you were too tired to even act up.

           “I came to see you.” He answered you, his voice low, as if he’s tired as well. When he noticed the amount of stuff you were carrying, he scurried himself close to you and took most of the heavy stuff from you and you didn’t even bother to stop him.

           You walked past him, fumbling through your keys before you could unlock the door and stepped inside the apartment. You kicked your heels off feeling your feet cold against the wooden floor and relaxing. You placed the food you just bought onto the table before pulling the chair and taking a seat. Mark went towards the couch placing your bag and the papaerwork you’ve brought home on the coffee table and placed his suit on the couch before he could join you to sit on the dining chair.

           “Have you eaten?” You asked him and he lets out a heavy sigh as he shook his head.

           “I just finished shooting for a show, I didn’t have time to eat.” He said, “The guys are getting a meal right now though.” He added.

           “Why didn’t you join them?” You asked, getting yourself up from the chair, picking up a few plates and bowl before setting them on the table.

           “Before the shoot, BamBam pulled me aside and he talked to me.” He said, and you froze in place. “He talked about you.”

           “Oh.” You managed to say as you took two glasses out from the cabinet and filled it with cold water.

           You handed one glass to Mark before you could take a seat and sipped on your water.

           “What did he say?” You asked him, and he shrugged his shoulders, biting his bottom lip.

           “He just talked about you.” He said, clearing this throat, shifting his position on the chair.

           “Well that’s Bam, if he can’t keep it, he’ll confront.” You said, taking the food container one by one before opening each one of them, revealing mouth-watering, savory foods.

           “And you came all the way here to talk to me?” You asked him, your eyes, looking at his and Mark let out a sigh before he nodded his head.

           “Well, I won’t talk until I get food into my stomach, so let’s eat up.” You said, handing him a chopstick.

Once you finished eating, you leaned your back against the wooden chair as you gulped down the ice water.

           “Are you done?” You asked, before you could stand up from the chair.

           Mark nodded his head and you picked up the empty plates from the table before placing it intot the sink. You put away the leftovers and cleaned the table as Mark walked towards the living area and he answered a call.

           “Yeah… Yeah, I’m here… No, I won’t…” Mark looked over his shoulder to look and you and you noticed his eyes. He gave you a firm smile before he pointed towards the balcony, as if asking for you permission. You nodded your head before he headed out. As you washed the dishes, you watched him through the glass window, talking to someone on the phone what seems like a serious matter. He looked frustrated, but despite it, he didn’t’ raise his voice and still try to remain calm.

           You finished washing the dishes just in time when Mark stepped back in.

           “Everything okay?” You asked, walking to turn the heater up.

           “Yeah, everything is okay…” He answered, plopping himself down the couch, “For now.” He sighed, leaning back against the couch and you slumped beside him.

           “You aren’t supposed to be here, are you?” You asked him.

           “I’m not supposed to be anywhere near you.” He sarcastically said, in a sad tone as he looked to you, and you felt like a needle was just being pushed into your heart deeper. “I’m not supposed to be here, nor anywhere near you because Bam said so. he called asking, if I’m at your place, and he was mad at me.” He explained and you stayed silent.

           As he said it, the phone on your coffee table started to ring. And you could see the name Double Bon the screen. Mark’s eyes were on your phone as well. You picked your phone up but you still stare at the screen.

           “Aren’t you going to answer that?” Mark asked, and you did before you get up from the couch and proceed to your bedroom.

           “Hello?” You answered your call.

           “(Y/N)! Mark told me he’s at your place—why did you let him in?” BamBam quickly asked and you closed your eyes ad you massaged your temples with your finger.

           “He was already here when I arrived from work, I’m not just going to start throwing tantrums at him.” You argued.

           “Do you need me to come over and talk to him?” He asked.

           “No! you don’t need to come down, I’ll talk to him myself, and after all, maybe I can get closure from here.” You told him, and BamBam let out a sigh.

           “Alright… But if he does anything funny or say anything mean, I will—”

           “I know, you’ll be here in a nanosecond, I know…” You smiled.

           You heard him sigh on the other side of the line, “Well alright, I’ll let you two be then.” He added. You said your goodbye before hanging up the phone and walked back towards the living room. Mark eyed you as you entered the room and you sat back on the couch, placing your phone back onto the coffee table. Mark was looking at you, as if he was waiting for you to tell him what did BamBam talked to you about.

           “He was just asking if I were okay.” You told him, and Mark nodded his head in understanding.

           “I understand he’s worried… did he ask if he needed to come over?” He asked, and you turned your head to him, your expression gave the question you didn’t ask.

           Mark smiled and leaned his head back. “I know him, (Y/N), and I know you well enough to the point where if you’re nervous or if you’re feeling under the weather, he would call and ask if you’d want him to come over.” He explained, and you stayed silent.

           Because what he said was true.

           “You came here to talk to me, there’s no need for a third person… what did you want to talk about?” You asked him.

           He stared out the window for brief second, before he groaned as he got up from the couch and stood in front of you. You felt confused but you stood up anyway to get to his eye level before he wrapped his arms around you. You were surprised at first, and you didn’t even move your arms until the next couple of seconds. You placed your hand on his back as you closed your eyes. Feeling your body relaxed into his, leaning your cheek against his shoulder before you could wrap your arms around his stomach.

           “I know I fucked up, and there is no you can forgive me too easily, but I’m really sorry (Y/N)…” Mark whispered before you pressed your lips together tightly to fight the tears from falling.

           “Right after that night I was about to call you, but things took a turn and it all got complicated.” Mark started. You pulled your face away to look at Mark, but he dropped his face down, looking at the floor.

           “I know you’re pissed. I know that I’ve hurt you by my actions—and I can’t do anything to make it better—"

           “Then talk to me.” You cut him in, and he looked up into his eyes.

           “Talk to me, make it make sense—in all this.” You told him, placing your hands on his face. “There’s not a single day has passed, thinking that… it was all my fault.” You told him, and you could see the pure guilt on his face. “I thought I did something wrong, or I’ve said something wrong, or maybe—that night wasn’t supposed to happen—”                      “No, no, please…” Mark shook his head lightly. “I’m sorry that I made you think that way—but it’s not, it’s not your fault, I wanted to come back to you, but I didn’t want anything to hurt you, and I realized that by not coming back, that makes me the one that’s hurting you.” He explained.

           “What do you mean?” You asked confused.

           Mark let out a sigh, before he then walked closer to the window. He pulled his phone out form his pocket before scrolling through it and gave it to you. On the screen was an article about you and Mark. The photo was taken from your private, social media account and you read through the article, how it slanders your name, and how it tells that you and Mark were having a forbidden, friends with benefit relationship.

           “Mark, tell me this isn’t published.” You told him, and he shook his head.

           “It’s not, not yet at least…” the following answer made your heart drop.

           “When I got back from your place, my ex was at my doorstep, she asked about where I was, I told her that I was at a friend’s place, and she started screaming things and I didn’t know what she was screaming about. And then she started to accuse me of cheating, when really, we were already broken off. And then somewhere along the lines, I told her that it was none of her business who I was with and that I met someone that I like and I held close so dearly.” Mark explained, and you felt your heart skipped a beat and been stabbed with a knife at the same time.

           “And then what happened?” You asked, your voice sounded so small, you weren’t sure if he heard you.

           “She stormed from my house and I dozed off the rest of the day before I was woken up by her blowing up my phones with texts. She found out about you, and I panicked! She worked in publication, that’s why she was able to make articles like that.”

           “I didn’t know what to do, all I could think of was protecting you, I didn’t want to drag you into this mess. I want to tell my team, but I know it would just cause more publications and media circus, I wanted to tell you, but I know that would mean throwing you into this mess and I know you’d avoid me right away… And I don’t want you to walk away from me, I want you, I want to stay with you.”

           “But I know everything I do would only get worse, so I decided to cut all communications with you, and her even the rest of the boys. I just told the guys that I was feeling under the weather at the time, and Jaebum kept scolding me to answer his texts. I scrolled through your text, I wanted to call and answer every single one of it. But I just want to make sure that everything is safe first.”

           “How did you get out of it?” You asked him again.

           “My ex, came back to my apartment a few days after, with her smile but I wasn’t having it, so I kicked her out, and she threatened to publish the article, and I was on the edge of my seat at that point, I didn’t care what she wanted to do, because whatever it is, it still wouldn’t make me love her even more, and it still wouldn’t change how I feel about you.” He was now standing on his ground, feet touching each other as you didn’t know how to feel about his explanation.

           He could be lying, this could be his get-out-of-jail kind of card. This could be his excuse to just avoid your tantrums. But deep down you wanted to believe him.

           “I don’t know what to believe…” You whispered, just before he took your hand and placed it on his chest where his heart is.

           “You don’t have to believe me the first time I tell you… but I’m never lying to you. I love you, I don’t want anything to hurt you—especially if I’m the one that causing you to hurt.” He started.

           “And I know that I’ve hurt you, I’ve been walking feeling guilty about it, everyday. When you came to that party, two nights ago, I knew that I couldn’t stand not being with you anymore. I just had to talk. I wasn’t surprise at how you reacted when I chased you down, I know you’re disgusted by me, as I was myself. When you drove away that fast, I just couldn’t let you get home in that condition.”

           You looked deep into his eyes, and you knew he wasn’t even lying about it. He followed you home?

           “I followed you home, just to make sure you made it safely.” He answered the question you had in mind.

           “Creep.” You joked, a small smile appeared in both of you.

           “I know, but I just want to make sure you were alright with that alcohol level in your system.” He chuckled, his hands cupping your face.  

           “I love you, and I will do whatever it takes to make you believe that I do.” Mark repeated and you chuckled as he wiped the tear that escaped your eye and you just smiled.

           “Okay?”

           “Okay…” You answered, nodding yoru head before you could wrap your arms around his neck. you felt his arms around your waist and you felt as if your whole body just melt into his. You felt his lips planted on your shoulder before his lips moved to the side of your head.

It has been a month since the last time you saw Chanyeol. And the last time you saw him was before he bolted out from your house with his car, with tears in his eyes. Every step you go, you couldn’t help but to hear Chanyeol’s name getting mentioned. Whether he’s already found another girl or he’s in bad condition. None, you can believe, you don’t know if any of it is true or not, so it was slowly killing your inside. You don’t really see him in campus ground as well, so you don’t know how he is on his end, you can only hear his condition from mouth to mouth.

“Did you hear? Chanyeol has finally broken up with (Y/N).”

“She never treats him right! She was so… quiet, and Chanyeol was the life of the party.”

“Chanyeol’s grades have drop, that’s, unusual.”

“I heard that he’s going out with Yuna now.”

“I mean seriously, what did Chanyeol see in her?”

It was a torture or you. To walk in campus ground and people are seeing you as the villain. You didn’t bother to correct any of them because you felt like you are the villainand that you’ve hurt Chanyeol’s feelings. You never really care or even bothered by people thoughts’s and what they have to say about you, but this time it does. You started to avoid the crowds more and you’d leave campus ground the second you’ve finished all your classes and volleyball practice. Most of your teammates asked about you and Chanyeol, but you brushed it off, and they seemed pretty annoyed how you respond to it. But you didn’t know what to do. It feels like, ever since you’ve lost Chanyeol, you’ve lost your own common sense in an ordinary conversation with people around you.

           You haven’t been eating well, and certainly not enough sleep because you’re overthinking about everything every single night. You decided you’ll be absent from class today, and also volleyball practice, to get yourself some rest. You’ve spent the day reading the novels you haven’t been touching in a short while. You didn’t have the energy to cook, so you just ordered some food in. During the afternoon, as you were enjoying your fried noodles on the couch, all snuggle comfortable between the pillows and under the blanket, as you were watching a movie, you felt your phone vibrated just under your butt. You pulled it out to read the text, and you felt your social anxiety kicked in.

Nayeon

Hey, are you okay? you weren’t in class.

Are you able to make it to practice?

Hey, can you get down here? coach wants us all here, he has an important announcement.

Be quick!

You texted her back, what is it about, but she didn’t reply, thinking that Nayeon went back on with practice. You let out a heavy, and annoying groan as you got off the couch and turned the TV off. Not even bothered to get changed, you were wearing your shorts and hoodie and to complete the look, you put the hood on over your head, before tightening it around yoru face. You slipped in a pair of slippers before you grabbed your car keys and walked out the house to drive to campus.

           The place you planned to avoid for the day.

You reached campus just before dark out and right on time after practice finished. As you were walking yourself towards the gym, many eyes were darted on you by the students but it didn’t bother you as much.

           “Ah, (Y/N)! I’m glad you can make it! I’m sorry I had to make you drove all the way here while you’re feeling unwell.” Your coach told you, causing eyes to turn to you. You just gave him a small smile before you walked closer to your team.

           “So, I wanted to gather all of you here because I have an important announcement.” He said, putting his board that’s filled with lines and circles aside.

           “(Y/N), I want you to get better as fast as possible, because we’re going to have a tournament starting next week!” He announced excitedly, as your teammates cheered happily getting excited as well while you were just stood there with your hands in your hoodie pocket and your eyes widen. “So, I want you guys to keep your condition healthy, and practice would be twice a week.” He added. Your coach went on and on about practice, and who’s joining the tournament. It was almost like a little briefing before the tournament starts, and you listened to everything he was saying carefully.

           “Alright!” He clapped his hands together as his bright smile appeared on his lips. “I think that’s all I need to tell you guys, get home safely, next practice will on next Tuesday, and I won’t be going easy on any of you guys!” He joked and the girls laughed.

           All of you went into a huddle and did a cheer together before the crown breaks. As you were about to leave the gym, Yuna caught up with you.

           “Hey, have you been feeling okay?” She asked you, and you turned your heels to face her as you nodded your head.

           “Yeah, feeling okay… just needed that time to rest up I think.” You told her, “Is everything okay?”

           “Yeah… everything is okay!” She smiled, but you noticed there was something she was hiding. “Actually, I know you’ve heard about me and Chanyeol right?” She asked you, and you felt your heart sank.

           “Yeah…” You answered.

           “I just want to tell you that… there’s nothing going on with us, we’re just friends and he actually told me a lot and he told me that he didn’t want to be in a relationship at all for the moment, that’s all.” She explained.

           “Why do I need to know this?” You asked, but it came to Yuna as if you’ve snapped.

           “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you… I just thought that maybe you should know…” She said, feeling guilty all of the sudden. You felt guilty yourself because you didn’t mean to snap at her.

           “Yuna—”

           “Oh, shoot, I should go pack! My boyfriend’s going to be mad if I’m not ready! We’ll talk later okay?” She smiled brightly before she lets go of your hand, taking steps back before turning around to get her bag. You turned your heels to walk out of the gym, feeling guilty of how the way you talked to Yuna.

           You walked towards your car, and you noticed the car that was parked right next to yours.

Chanyeol’s.

The last time you saw his car was a month ago. Bolting out from your drive way real fast, screeching the corner. You looked around and you saw there was nobody. You unlocked your car and as you opened the door, about to go in, you heard a familiar voice.

           “(Y/N)?”

           You looked up to see Chanyeol with books in his hands. He was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans with his reading glasses on. He pushed his hair back, showing the muscles in his arm.

           “I heard you didn’t come in to class today, were you okay?” He asked.

           You felt your heart flutters, but yet breaks at the same time. Knowing that you’re not together but he still cares about you.

           “Yeah, I just need a time off from things… I want to rest.” You told him, as he walked closer to you.

           “Well, what’s wrong with Saturday and Sunday? Don’t you rest on those days?” He asked picking a joke, and you chuckled.

           “Well, two days isn’t enough for me, so I had to take the extra day.” You said, giving him a small smile.

           There was a bit of a silence between you two and you didn’t know what else to say.

           “So, what are you doing here?” Cahnyeol asked.

           “Sorry?” You apologized, for not hearing him.

           “What were you doing here?” He repeated.

           “Oh, coach wanted me to come… he just announced that, we’re going to have a tournament in a week.”

           “Oh, that’s fun, be sure you’re healthy for the tournament!” He smiled, before there was another moment of silent.

           “Will you be there to watch?” You asked him, feeling your cheeks flushed in embarrassment as you asked.

           “Of course… I’ll be there.” He smiled.

           You smiled back at him before you noticed there were troubledness in his face.

            “You should get going, Sehun is probably waiting for you.” You told him.

           “Yeah, right… Oh, and uh, (Y/N)?” He stopped on his tracks as you stopped yourself from getting into the car.

           “Can we… I don’t know, talk sometimes?” He asked.

           You felt your heart flutters, and your eyes welling up. But, managed to hold back your tears and gave him a small smile.

           “I would love to chat.” You told him. You saw his troubledness fade and he smiled.

           “Great! I’ll see you around.” He then walked towards his car as you got into yours and turning the engine on.

           You pulled your car out from the parking lot, as Chanyeol gave you a wave of a hand before you waved back at him and drove away from campus ground.

-

Between classes, volleyball practice and your own mental thoughts, it was hard to keep up. You would come home completely exhausted from everything. People were still talking about you, even though the break-up was already old news. They would still get those judging looks, from top to bottom and then you’d still hear those whispers—even when you’re at home you could still hear those words ghosting around your house. You never stayed in campus, even though your teammates wanted you to join a meal together after practice. You turned it down because you told them you were too tired to even do anything else, when your real reason was you didn’t want to be in that social group. You’ve crossed path with Chanyeol a few times, and he’s starting to talk to you more each day.

Today, practice was done before the sun could go down, due tomorrow is rest day and the tournament starts the next day. There was a long briefing after practice before your coach could break the circle so that everyone could go home. You packed your stuffs before you walked out of the gym as you were pulling your hairband. You didn’t bring your car today because you didn’t feel like driving. You just want to sit back and rest.

           As you were turning the corner, you bumped into someone and fell back onto the ground.

           “Oh shit, (Y/N), I’m so sorry!” You heard Chanyeol’s voice.

           You looked up and he was already extending his hand to you. You took his hand before he helped you to get back on your feet. You bend down to grab your bag and patted your butt and the back part of your thigh.

           “You okay?” He asked concern in his voice. You quickly nodded your head, giving him a weak, small smile before pushing your hair back.

           “Yeah, I’m fine… just tired.” You told him, as you felt your legs jiggle from jumping half a day. You noticed the crowd far behind Chanyeol started to whisper to each other as you tighten your grip onto your gym bag strap.

           “Well, I guess I’ll be heading off then.” You said nervo usly, walking past Chanyeol and past the crowd.

           Chanyeol’s eyes followed you, and he overheard what the crowds were saying.

           “I bet she’s finally getting that medicine on treating Chanyeol like a crap!” One girl giggled before the others followed.

           And you stopped on you tracks.

           “She’s such a weirdo! Why did she even agree on going out with Chanyeol in the first place anyway? Clearly she doesn’t love him.”

           “What does Chanyeol even see in her? I don’t—"

           You continued to walk, but this time faster. Chanyeol turned his heels and jogged himself to catch you. As you were walking, with your eyes well up with tears, you legs suddenly felt numb and you stumbled forward.

           “(Y/N)!” Chanyeol rushed to you and you were surprise when you turned around he was already close to you before he kneeled down beside you.

           “Are you okay?” He asked.

           You shook your head, forcing a smile. “Yeah, my legs suddenly just felt numb.” You told him, but he knew that you were in pain.

           “Come here.” He then moved himself in front of you. you were confused at first but you raised your eyebrow.

           “Just get on my back (Y/N), please.” Chanyeol said. You couldn’t see his espression, but his tone was stern. It came out more like a command than asking.

           You slowly got on his back, wrapping your arms around his neck, as he placed his hands around your thigh. He counted, one, two, three to himself before he could get up from the ground. He jumped once as you helped him to shift your position, before he could start walking towards, go knows where.

           “Did you bring your car?” Chanyeol asked, and you shook you head.

           “No, I took the bus today.” You told him in a small voice.

           “Well you’re lucky that I’m still here, I’ll take you home.” He said, and you made a face.

           “No, it’s fine, just drop me of by the gates!”

           “(Y/N), I’m not going to let you get home by yourself, standing in the bus with you jelly legs.” He pointed out, and you stayed silent.

           Chanyeol walked towards the parking lot and you saw his car parked nicely. But somehow, Chanyeol walked past his car.

           “Um… where are we going?” You asked him.

           “I need to pick up a few stuff from the library.” He answered you.

           “But, do you really need to carry me everywhere you go? You could’ve just drop me in your car while I wait for you.” You told him

           He stopped on his tracks and turned around. “Oh yeah, you’re right.” He walked towards his car, before he could gently place your feet back onto the ground. He still had his hand placed around your waist, and you still holding yourself to him. He fished his car keys from his pocket before you quickly struggle to walk towards the passenger front seat.

           “Promise me you won’t take off?” Chanyeol asked, opening the door to the driver’s seat.

           “Yes… I promise.” You told him, and a small smile appeared on his face before she could turn his car engine on. He placed his sling bag and also your gym bag in the back of the car.

           “Stay here, I won’t be long.” He said, shutting the door before rushing away towards the library.

           You were now alone in Chanyeol’s car, with only the sound of the air conditioner and distant voices from out of the car. You turned on the radio so that you don’t feel like you’re going crazy. As you were scrolling through your phone, you heard a knock on the car window and you jumped before you see one of your classmate looking through. You pushed the button, rolling the window down and she was in shock.          

           “It really is you! what are you doing here?” She asked.

           “Um… Chanyeol wanted to take me home, but he needed to pick up a few stuff from the library.” you explained.

           “Really? Right after everything you’ve put him through?” She asked and your heart sank.

“After you made him feel like shit? After you’re not appreciating him? After having himself getting hurt because of you? he’s is still putting up with you?” She asked again but you stayed silent.

           “Wow, he really does have a heart of gold…” She commented making a face.

           “And you’re saying yes because… what? You regret it? You’re going to beg to him to take you back?” She asked, scoffing hard.

           “I’m not, I-I-I’m just—”

           “Be smart (Y/N)… you’re just not worth his time! You’re just going to waste him and dump him again like you did! Youj just don’t appreciate him—”

           “Knock it off Ye-Eun.” You heard Chanyeol suddenly. You turned your head to see only part of Chanyeol’s torso from the diver side window. Before you quickly look back down.

           “Chanyeol, you’re seriously not putting up with her again, are you?” She asked, pulling her head up, guessing that she’s looking towards Chanyeol.

           “Just leave her alone, Ye-Eun… You don’t know her.”

           You heard her scoff again, followed by a mocking laugh. “Come on! The whole campus knows what she put you through! You skipped classes, you’re failing your grades, you were caught drinking, and ALMOST—mind my language—you almost got into a car accident because you were drunk driving!” As you heard it, your eyes widen, eyes started to sting as your eyes welled up with tears.

           “We’re leaving, if you’re going to stay and still say crap about things, be my guest, but we’re leaving.” Chanyeol said, as you herd the driver seat door being open and Chanyeol’s presence were by your side.

           Chanyeol pressed a button that rolled your window up before he could pull his car out from the parking lot and sped away from campus grounds.

The drive was quiet, either you nor Chanyeol said a word. When Chanyeol got into a red light, he came into a stop and the suspense between you two were starting to murder your insides.

           “Is it okay if stop and get something to eat first?” Chanyeol asked finally breaking the ice, turning his attention to you.

           You turn to him and he could clearly see your bloodshot eyes, your eyebags started to get puffy. You pressed your lips together into a line before turning your attention back to the road and you shrugged.

           “Okay.” You answered him in a small voice.

           “If you don’t want to it’s fine I could just—”

           GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE. You felt you face burned turning red, letting your face drop as Chanyeol chuckled.

           “I think a meal sound great now.” You recovered, with a small smile before you both ended up chuckling.

Chanyeol ended up taking you to this small sushi place, and as an addition, it was the first time you’re back here since your first date with Chanyeol.

           “Wow… not much has change in this place.” You said, looking around the place as you both seated onto the booth.

           “Yeah, I haven’t been here since the last time we were both here.” Chanyeol told you, and you just smiled, knowing that it’s his first time back here since your first date with him.

           The waitress took your order and Chanyeol’s before she could take your drinks out beforehand.

           You enjoyed your unsweetened tea while you’re on your phone as Chanyeol watched you.

           He knew how private you are, he knew that you’re not the type of person that can talk easily about your personal feelings. Even when he was still in a relationship with you, some people would talk crap about and you know it. It bothers you, but you never told him. You would always keep those feelings to yourself because you never want to make ‘a big deal’ out of it.  He knew that yourself and Chanyeol are the big talk in campus right now. It’s clear that you’ve heard all it, and he knows so well that it’s hurting you and yet here you are, sitting in front of him, bottling everything up to yourself.

           “(Y/N)?” Chanyeol finally broke the ice between you two. You looked up from your, with the straw between your lips.

           “Are you okay?” He asked you.

           “Are you asking about my legs or…” You trailed of and Chanyeol chuckled.

           “Both.” He answered between chuckle, before his expression turned serious.

           You placed your phone aside, pulling your drink closer to you.

           “Legs are still feeling like jelly… I’ll just run a warm bath at home, it’ll get better after.” You explained to him, and he smiled.

           “And how are you feeling?” He asked, and you stayed quiet for a brief moment.

           Your lips parted with the plastic straw before you could lean your back against your seat.

           “Doing fine.” You forced a smile and Chanyeol sighed, leaning his arms against the table as he pushed himself forward.

           “(Y/N), I know you… you don’t have to lie about your feelings. Everything you’re feeling is valid, so don’t try to hide it.” Chanyeol said, only to make you feel like an invincible hand had slapped your face.

           You looked Down, playing with your thumbs before you look back up.

           “I don’t know what to feel Yeol…”

           “Talk to me then.” Chanyeol started, reaching his hand out to you, “It seems like you always forgot that you have me to lean on. You have me as someone who listens and understands you.” He said, and you could feel your heart racing, ready to cry again.

           You slowly shook your head, “I’m not good with telling my feelings.” You told him, with a smile and he sighed.

           “I know, but you have to know that I was—and until this day, will always be there for you, to listen to you. Through good and bad.” He pointed out and you nod your head.

           Chanyeol let out a heavy sigh before he could pull himself back, leaning against his seat.

           “I heard what people are saying about us—about you.” Chanyeol pressed and you pressed you lips tight together.

           “Aren’t you… hurt by that?” He asked again.

           “I am.”

           “Then say something.” Chanyeol quickly said, moving forward. “I’m worried about you, you know.” He added, but you just stayed quiet.

           Chanyeol shook his head as he leaned back against his seat. He knew that he was only getting frustrated with himself. Pushing you further won’t even get him anywhere near you to talk.

           Throughout the meal, Chanyel didn’t say anything else. He actually talked about classes and other things that doesn’t involved any campus gossips or social events. Chanyeol paid for the meal, even though you wanted to pay yours, he didn’t let you. And the drive back to your place, Chanyeol didn’t start any conversation, because he didn’t know what else to talk about.

           “Here we are.” He said, as he pulled into a stop in front of yoru house.

           “Thanks for taking me home.” You thanked him, and Chanyeol gave you his signature warm smile.

           “It’s not a problem at all.” He said before you could smile back at him. He grabbed your bag from the backseat before passing it to you and you took it.

           “Well, I’ll see you at the game?” You asked before chanyeol nodded his head.

           “You bet you will!” He said.

           You got out from the car, waved him a goodbye before you could walk straight into your house, without looking over your shoulder.

-

You stripped yourself from your clothes before you could dip yourself into the tub, filled with warm water and bath salt. After a long week (what feels like eternity) you decided that you deserve a nice, relaxing warm bath. With a can of soda on the stool and a speaker playing your favorite song. You leaned your back against the tub as you took a deep breath. With your eyes closed, you could feel those muscles relaxed before you heard your phone vibrated against the stool. You looked over to your phone before you could dry your hand with a towel and picked it up.

           “Hello?” You answered.

           “Hey, mind if I come over later?” You heard Chanyeol’s voice. You could hear the thumping music in the background as well, you’re guessing that he’s at a party.

           “Umm… yeah, what time will you be here?” You asked him.

           “Umm… around 20 minutes?”

           “Can you make it 30?” You asked him and you could feel the confusion in the silence between you and Chanyeol.

           “Umm… Okay, sure, I’ll be there in 30 minutes.” He said, before you hund up the phone.

           You placed your phone back onto the stool, leaning back before exhaling a heavy breath. You closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself down before sinking yourself into the warm water.

You put on a pair of shorts and an oversized grey t-shirt before you could dry your hair with a towel. You walked down the stairs to pour yourself a glass of orange juice before you heard Chanyeol’s roaring engine outside. You looked out through your window to see Chanyeol, coming out from his car before walking up to your door. You opened the door for Chanyeol and you were caught off guard as his arms were suddenly wrapped around you. Your hands were up in the air for a few seconds before you could place your palms on his back.

           “Yeol, what happened?” You asked him, getting worried. You tried to pull yourself away, but he just hugged you tighter, only to hide his face from you.

           “Yeol…” You whimpered, and you felt him shaking his head.

           “Yeol, at least let’s get inside first.” You told him, before he finally pulled himself away from you.

           “Okay.” You saw his red puffy eyes hiding behind his falling hair. He stepped inside before you could close the door behind you. You watched him as he kicked his shoes off and sat himself on the steps of the stairs, burying his face on his hands. You walked closer to him, kneeling yourself in front of him before you could slowly hold his hands.

           “Yeol, did something happen?” You asked him.

           “They keep talking crap.” He sniffed, but you didn’t seem to get where and what he was talking about. So you stayed quiet, to let him talk.

           “I was at Jongdae’s party, and people were just talking shit about us…” He started, as he looked up to you, and you quickly knew that it was mostly about you they were talking about. “I mean, most of them know you… they know you’re a closed book kind of person, but they still agree on what the other girls are saying.” He added. “The more I stayed, the more I want to punch someone in the face and just tell them that they don’t know anything—they don’t know you like I do!” He stated, only to tear up a bit more.

           You frowned as you watched him cry some more. You felt your eyes burning, you never thought that it bothers him that much. He’s the most precious person you’ve ever met in your life. You knew he would do anything to keep you away from getting hurt, from making you cry—he just wants you to be okay. But you didn’t realize it until now that he’s hurting. And you’re hurting him. You couldn’t contain your own tears from falling before you wrapped your around his neck. You buried your face on his shoulder before he could wrapped his arms around yours tightly. He shifted your weight so that you were sitting on his lap as you cried your heart out.

           “(Y/N)—”

           “Chanyeol I’m sorry…” You managed to say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that I’m being selfish—I thought that… Maybe you would be happier with someone else, and what people saying are true... you deserve someone better than me!” You finally burst. “I know I should’ve been more open with you—I know I should have tell you everything, but I just didn’t want to burden you. I want you to enjoy your time with your friends, get into that study group, laugh and hang out with your friends all you want, I just didn’t want to disturb all of those moments with my problems.” You explained. “It’s not that I don’t care about you—I do care.I care about you—I love you, so much, but It seems like it came across to everybody like… like I don’t, but I actually do, but I just can’t really express those feelings for you… I’m sorry…” You cried as Chanyeol pulled you closer against his body as he hushed.

           “No, no, you don’t have to apologize…” Chanyeol whispered, as you felt his lips pressed against your temple. “I feel like I have to…” You whimpered, pulling you face away from his shoulder before you wipe the tears away with the palms of your hand. Chanyeol gently removed your hands from your face before he could wipe away your tears with his thumb.

           “I’m sorry some of the times I can’t express my feelings to you… I just didn’t want you to feel burden.” You told him, and Chanyeol shook his head.

           “It’s okay… I too, have to apologize, because I was being a bit clingy, and when I asked for the relationship to be over, I didn’t know what I was thinking—”

           “I should’ve stopped you.” You argued.

           “Did you want me to stay?” He asked.

           “I never wanted you to leave in the first place.” You confessed as a small smile appeared on his face. He planted a kiss on your forehead before he could embrace you in his arms and you let out a sigh.

           “I love you…” You whispered and you felt him nodding his head.

           “I know you do… I love you.” He said in a low voice, but clear enough to loosen your body, leaning into his arms even more.

           As you both were all cuddled in each other’s arms, you heard Chanyeol’s phone ringing before he groaned and pulled away from you to fish his phone from his pocket.

           “Yeah… No, no I’m back at my place… No, I don’t think I’ll be coming back there…” Then he chuckled, shaking his head, “Well, have fun without me, I’m staying in for the night… yeah, keep talking crap about her and I’m not coming back to that party forever!” Cahnyeol joked, and you knew that he was talking about you. “Alright… bye, see you tomorrow.” Chanyeol then hung up his phone. You looked at him as if asking who it was and what was he talking about.

           “It was Jongdae, he asked if I’m coming back to his place and that most of the people are taking part in truth or dare… and apparently some of the girls were looking for me as well.” He explained. When he didn’t saw your expression changed, he placed his hands on your face with a smile. “I told him I’m not coming back… I was hoping I could stay in with you tonight, you know, maybe just talk?”

           You nodded your head, leaning yoru head back against his shoulder.

           “Yes, you can stay here.” You told him as he hugged you tight.

           “Alright…” He kissed the top of your head as he slipped his arms under you before he could lift your whole weight. You yelped out an excitement as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

           “Let’s move to the couch, where we can cuddle comfortably.” He smiled.

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