PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@osarzy

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Alpha-nip Stiles is so important to me. The reason Peter didn't kill him… and once Derek becomes an alpha he suddenly can't stop following Stiles around. He breaks into his room and just luxuriates in his scent, breathing in deep. Scott comes over and asks if Derek has been in here and Stiles is like "no, why?" and he says it smells like him very faintly. Stiles thinks he's crazy because why on earth would Derek give him the time of day? (low self esteem Stiles is also important to me)
Eventually it escalates to Derek breaking into his room to watch him sleep because he just has to make sure that Stiles is safe (and also Stiles smells more relaxed when he sleeps and sometimes he has wet dreams that just tempt Derek). At first Derek thought it would be enough but it's just not, he needs to stick his face into Stiles neck. He needs to scent him and make Stiles smells like him. Derek cringes and wants to growl every time he gets too close and smells Scotts scent on him, even if its faint and he can smell that it's friendly and not claiming. It still grates on him. Stiles should belong to him, not his Beta. He could provide for Stiles better than Scott could ever dream of. He's the Alpha for fucks sake.
He didn't feel this way before but ever since he became an Alpha he looks at Stiles and his big brown eyes and long neck and his ripe scent... he wants to lock him up and throw away the key. His Beta putting his scent on Stiles is grating enough but the idea of another Alpha even looking at him.... Seeing that he's unclaimed and unmarked... Derek has to do something or he's going to go insane.
I just love the idea of Derek pranking Stiles, because (at least for a while) he can say all kinds of bullshit with a straight face, and because Stiles isn’t used to Derek joking around, he’ll just look at him wide eyed like “Woah, really??”
Like that time Stiles throws finger guns at him and Derek is like “Oh no, you just challenged me to a fight.”
And Stiles is like “What? No, it was just finger guns.”
And Derek is like “Yeah. That’s werewolf code for ‘I wanna fight you to the death’. I’m sorry, but we have to fight now. It’s just how it is.”
And Stiles slowly backs away like “To the—Woah, woah, woah. Hang on. That’s not exactly a fair fight. And also what the fuck.”
Derek shrugs and moves after him, backing him into a corner. “Should have thought about that before throwing werewolf gang signs at me.”
Stiles gapes at him. The last time he punched Derek, he almost broke his hand. So…yeah. Not a fair fight. No, sir.
“Are you serious right now?”
Derek nods, expression completely flat.
“But since you didn’t know, the rule is that it's over when one of us yields.”
“I yield. I yield so much.”
Derek cocks his head, smirking.
“There’s gotta be at least a little bit of blood.”
Stiles pales. “Oh, dude. What the fuck. I thought we were friends.”
That almost makes Derek crack up, and he has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from laughing.
“Come on, Stiles. You’ve been working out lately, haven’t you? Show me what you’ve got. Let’s see that fist. Get it out there.” He winks. “Don’t be scared.”
For once, Stiles is the murderous-looking one.
“What the actual hell, Derek. That’s so not funny.”
And when Derek’s shoulders start shaking with silent laughter, Stiles smacks him hard in the chest, so hard that Derek actually loses his balance.
“Oh my God. You motherfucker. You’re the worst. Fuck you.” He sighs. “But also…good one.”
I love how some fics are called shit like "They Only Shoot The Birds Who Cannot Sing" and it's like the most insane porn you're ever read and then some fics are called Spit On Me and it's 18,000 words of the most achingly id-scratching prose you've ever read and they're both. They're both so fucking good. thank God for fanfiction.
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Write it badly or it'll never be written
Please keep interacting with this post because when I come to tumblr to procrastinate, this shows up again in my notifications and guilts me into writing again

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"youve already written that trope" yesss. i like it a lots. i will be writing it again. 1000 stories of the same trope over and over again for ten million years
”youve already drawn that character” yesss. i like them a lots. i will be drawing them again. 1000 drawings of the same character over and over again for ten million years
The world… it’s building… 😳
Part 1 - Part 2
After counting to one thousand, Derek started his pursuit. He exited the library and began following the path set by his human.
The Alpha practically bounced with excitement. Instinctively, he activated his preternatural senses and began scanning the environment for his companion’s unique metaphysical signature.
But he stopped himself before he could ruin the fun. Rather than using his superhuman abilities or advanced technology, he opted to track Stiles using old-fashioned techniques. He was a romantic Alpha, after all.
Derek would, however, use his Elevated Resources to document the rest of his night, for the sake of nostalgia.
“Jack, activate live footage capture.”
“Activated,” his virtual assistant, Jack sounded bored. His tone vibrated unpleasantly in Derek’s mind.
This is what I get for purchasing a mind-slave from a discount retailer..
“I heard that, Master.”
“I am sorry, Jack. I meant no offense,” he assured the disembodied voice. “Admittedly, I am a little bit nervous. I want the rest of the night to go perfectly. I believe tonight will set the tone for my lifelong companionship with Stiles.”
“Sure, whatever. May be I excused, Master? This isn’t really my thing.”
How did I get stuck with such a bitchy assistant?
“I heard that, Master! Bitchy? First of all, I’m not bitchy. You’re just an asshole. And for the millionth time, I LIVE inside your mind and can hear your stupid little thoughts, which SUCKS MAJOR BALLS…and NOT in a good way.”
“Jack, calm yourself—”
“I’m not finished! With all due respect, Master, your ‘sweet little human’ clearly thinks you’re a lunatic! AND I AGREE WITH H-”
“Silent mode.” Derek huffed, looking around to make sure nobody witnessed the embarrassing exchange—even though half of it happened in his head.
He was quite fond of Jack, believe it or not. Bitchiness and all. Jack was his only friend, aside from his uncle…and his new companion.
But Derek’s reputation as an Alpha would suffer if anyone observed the unconventional dynamic he shared with his bratty mind-slave.
“I am sorry, Jack. But it is your own fault I had to enable silent mode.” Derek said earnestly. “Your bitchiness was ruining my vibe. I will unmute you once you have sufficiently unbitchified yourself.”
Derek steadied his nerves. It was time to track down his companion.
“The time of day is 1:34 AM,” Derek dictated. He tried his best to sound steady and confident, like a proper Alpha. “I am engaging in a traditional game of chase with my new companion. His given name is Stiles. However he has indicated interest in acquiring a new given name, in addition to a new last name, Hale, obviously. Which is my last name. Anyways, I digress. I will now begin my pursuit of Stiles.”
Derek kneeled down, examining the ground for indications of Stiles’ whereabouts.
***
Unfortunately, Derek located Stiles in a matter of minutes. He was hiding behind a shrub, breathing heavily.
“It appears my meek little human is winded after sprinting a few yards,” Derek offered his commentary. “Though he displayed a few impressive instincts, his inferior human body could not rise to the demands of the challenge.”
It was quite disappointing actually. Sure, Derek was the best hunter in his colony and he did not anticipate any difficulty pursuing a common human. But five minutes? It was the quickest hunt of his life. “I will definitely be enhancing my companion’s physiology in the near future”
Derek had wanted to indulge the chase, savor the thrill, commit the experience to memory so he could recreate the sensations in the bedroom with his earthling, over and over again.
A five-minute endeavor had no place in his bedroom.
“Although I have found my companion with ease, I will take my time before subduing him,” Derek said.“Judging by his earlier actions in the library—such as evading my questions and resisting my touch—the human clearly wants to be pursued. I believe the Earthlings call this approach ‘playing hard to get.’”
The Alpha opted to observe from afar to see what the clever little human would do after regaining his strength. Somehow, Derek could sense Stiles was formulating a plan.
Whatever plan he might have been concocting was interrupted by an unexpected newcomer. His protective instincts surged as he noticed a pair of headlights approaching his boy. As the driver came into view, he noticed a man wearing a tacky costume. Based on Derek’s prior research about Earthling societies, he recognized the attire as a cheap imitation of the uniforms typically worn by law enforcement officers. Perhaps this man is an impostor with dubious intentions.
“Jack, who is that?”
Silence.
“Jack, deactivate silent mode.”
“I’m busy, Master.”
“Jack, amplify the audio.”
“Ugh. Fine.”
Guy: “Stillinski? What’s going on?”
Stiles: “Officer. Security guy. Whatever. Jordan. Hi. Thank goodness. My hero.” HE IS NOT YOUR HERO. I AM YOUR HERO. “Crazy library man. Tried to kidnap…my sweet ass.” TALKING TO ANOTHER MAN ABOUT HIS SWEET ASS?
Guy: “Slow down, buddy. Take a breath.” OBEYING ANOTHER MAN’S ORDERS?? “Now take a sip of water.” The imposter offered his bottle to Stiles.
“OH FUCK THE HELL NO!!!” Derek snarled, abandoning all restraint. He sprinted at full speed with a single-minded drive to protect the love of his life from the nefarious imposter.
He could no longer hear the surveillance audio over the sound of his own heartbeat.
To his horror, the impostor’s small vehicle roared to life and accelerated away at a surprisingly formidable speed.
“NOT AS FORMIDABLE AS MY LOVE FOR—”
SHWOOOOOOOP.
Mid-stride, Derek was enveloped in a beam of bright light and pulled into the sky.
He blinked a few times and took in his familiar surroundings. He was in his uncle’s teleportation room.
“Peter! What have you done!? Send me back immediately!”
“What have I done?” Derek’s uncle responded calmly. “What have you done?”
“Peter this is an emergency! My companion is in danger!”
“No he’s not.” Peter rubbed his temples. “You should be thanking me. Actually, you should be thanking Jackson for intervening. If it weren’t for him, you would have incited another interstellar incident.”
A holographic projection of mind-slave appeared next to Peter, arms folded with a smug expression.
“Jack. You are a traitor. And a bitch.”
“Yeah, yeah…You’re welcome, Master.” His assistant rolled his eyes, somewhat fondly.
“Alright,” Peter rubbed his hands together. “Let’s see if we can clean up this mess. Jackson, please collect the two earthlings and deposit them into Enclosures 3 and 4.”
“Yessir, right away.”
Surprised by his uncle’s words, Derek rushed out of the room and sprinted around the corner toward the Captivity Quarters.
With perfect timing, he entered the room just as brilliant white started to dissipate to reveal two disoriented earthlings encased in glass cages.
One of which was the love of his life.
This is a hole can of mess on fire hahahahaha I LOV IT
Aw yeah, guess who now has a functioning heartbeat? This bitch!
I went to Perth and they restarted my heart, and now I'm soaking up those sweet sweet normal sinus rhythms! Which means I can get back to writing the next Goose Run book!
Side note--@thisdiscontentedwinter and I are also part of a fun summer romance series featuring elves, magic and a marriage market!
you can check the series out here:
Visit Amazon's Marriage Market Misadventures Page and shop for all Marriage Market Misadventures books. Check out pictures, author informati
And our book out here:
Romancing the Throne by Lisa Henry, Sarah Honey
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This thread lives rent free in my brain. And randomly came across my FB feed so of course I had to dig it up out of my Tumblr to share what fb shared.
I like this one
everyone rejoice, Ao3 is back

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It took Stiles all of five seconds to fall in love.
He had found true love, everlasting, fated, soulmates, happily ever af-
“Stiles, stop staring at the seniors or you’re gonna get punched,” Scott said, nudging him with his elbow right out of the lovely daydream he’d been having where he was frolicking through a field of wildflowers with the love of his life.
“Ow.” He rubbed his arm like Scott had actually hurt him. Scott rolled his eyes and continued getting his books out of his locker.
“For your information!” Stiles began and Scott immediately sighed and dropped his head down. “You just interrupted what could have been the very first time I locked eyes with my future spouse.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Wait, but, okay, maaaybe now I can actually plan our first meeting! Like, we’re casually strolling down the hall in opposite directions and just as we both round a corner we accidentally bump into each other. Boom! Love at first sight.”
Scott mumbles, “Delusion at first sight.”
“Or! I’ll find out where he hangs out, like, at a diner or coffee shop and then I get a job there and it’ll be like a barista meet-cute.”
“More like a meet your stalker.”
“Or! I could totally-”
A throat cleared behind them. Stiles turned around to find the most gorgeous eyes staring straight at him. Green but also kinda hazel and with flecks of gold and- oh god he’s speaking.
“...and get my books if that’s okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll totally carry your books!”
The awkward silence that followed let Stiles know he might have misinterpreted what Mr. Gorgeous had said.
“I’m sorry about him, he’s not hard of hearing, he’s just an idiot. We’ll move so you can get your books from your locker next to ours.”
Oh. So that’s what he’d said.
“Um, yeah, thanks,” Mr. Gorgeous said as Scott dragged him away by the elbow.
“But… I didn’t even get my books.”
“Why do I put up with you?” Stiles didn’t reply because he was busy thinking about his five year plan to get Mr. Gorgeous to go out with him. High school was gonna be fun.
I think I've finally figured out why most BAMF Stiles fics don't do it for me and it's because Stiles being good at something or being capable is usually portrayed as being a surprise to the others and that's just... Not what I'm looking for.
I'm looking for fics where the pack has Stiles on a tight leash but they know that he'll eventually slip out of it like the crafty little shithead that he is, and that when he does. SOMEONE is going to die. They cannot stop him and at this point, it's just expected to happen at least three times a week.
how i sleep knowing i write shitty fiction but at least don’t use chatgpt
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ao3 authors are something else…
return soon, beloved