hithtory and other such

Okay so. The Romans think that sex doesn't count as real sex unless Someone Is Getting Penetrated By A Dick Or Dick-Adjacent Object. Very sort of dick-centric system.

So Latin has six words for "to fuck", divided into three pairs: one pair for each of the possible Holes (ass, mouth, pussy). In each pair there is a word for topping and a word for bottoming.

Most people who know a little about Latin fuck verbs know 'pedicare' and 'irrumare' from the first line of Catullus 16 (Pēdīcābō ego vōs et irrumābō), which is a poem about saying "absolutely shut the fuck up and piss all the way off" to fandom antis and purity police who are making repulsive accusations about you personally, based on things they're reading into your work from a bad-faith perspective. Catullus was so real for that and it's incredibly endearing to me that he was dealing with the same thing we are still dealing with. I got a hater in my askbox doing this about The Wisdom of Emperors just the other day, but I took the high road and, unlike Catullus, did not tell them "I will assfuck you and I will facefuck you" So here sort of a chart about the verbs: Topping | Bottoming Mouth: irrumare | fellare Ass: pedicare | cevere Cunt: futuere | crisare

Another fun fact related to the fuck verbs was that the Romans didn't think about sexual orientation in terms of who you're attracted to, they thought about it in terms of "which is your favorite hole and what do you like to do with it." So you'll get graffiti (ancient roman subtweeting) about things like "Marcus is a fututor [cunt-fucker] and a pedico [ass-fucker] but omg girlies I also heard he's a fellator [cock-sucker] 👀👀👀👀" In the modern day we'd just call him bisexual, but in Ancient Rome it is not enough to know if someone is bisexual (they think it's kind of perverted if a man only fucks women, like do you have some kind of freaky pussy fetish???? you've never once even fucked a twink??? dat's gay, bro. gay to not be bi), you also have to know if he's being bisexual in a respectable sort of way

You will notice that pussy-eating is not on this list, because those words do not mean "to fuck", they translate more directly to just "pussy-licking" (cunnilingus), and because the Romans are sexist as all hell and think that's gross and filthy anyway. This is not ONLY because of pussy terror, it's also that the mouth is the most sacred part of the body -- so eating pussy or sucking a dick is actually considered slightly more "shameful" than getting fucked in the ass. (Please note as well that the fuck verbs are gender neutral -- if you're a roman man and your girlfriend owns a strap-on, she can [pedicare] you. but be careful because your sworn enemy in the forum will have a fucking FIELD DAY if he hears about that and will write a Mean Poem about you or subtweet you on a public wall)

Hi hello! Why of course I'm always happy to say more about 15.000 year old depiction of lesbian oral sex - it is from a series of carved slabs of limestone found in La Marche cave in France. It is one of 1.500 such slabs in fact, which all look very cool and have animals and human figures depicted clothed or naked or, in this case, well. The fact that it is a depiction of lesbian oral sex is not "confirmed" because it is almost impossible to ascribe meaning to paleolithic art, and also because it might have been carved in two parts, one figure then the other, rather than both at the same time and meant to be read as a couple interacting. But also maybe the second figure was carved on top of the other one in order to infer that interaction when it wasn't present with the first carving? very hard to say. I personally, with no authority on the matter whatsoever and no paleontology degree, declare it's a woman giving head from behind to another woman and that makes me happy.

Ritual Knife

The ivory handle of this superbly crafted knife includes a thumb rest for a right-handed user. Carved rows of minuscule animals - including elephants, lions, a giraffe, and sheep - cover both surfaces of the handle. An artisan polished the flint blade on one side and delicately flaked the other to make a cutting edge.

Predynastic Period, Naqada III Period, ca. 3300-3100 BC.

TFW I'm an early hominid and a rival walks up to me and attempts to snap my penis bone clean in half but I don't even have one

Mrs. Helen Moyer holding large model of an eel. 1947