My Rats

This last one struck us as very funny because, while the toilet seat one is a reasonable reminder for those richie riches out there with new toilet seat money and a fear of lingering butt germs, we do not have that option, because our 125 year old house came equipped with a toilet so technologically advanced that we have a separate toilet adjacent wall panel to control all the options.

This toilet has features I have never even seen before, much less experienced. When you sit down on it, it makes a comforting little beep, as if to say “hello friend, i’ve missed you!” It then begins to run just the tiniest bit of water to ensure that the built in bidet with full independent control over direction, intensity, and temperature will be prepared whether you opt for cold, lukewarm, or hot. Then, there is the air dry button, with its own temperature and intensity controls. It will literally both wash and dry your butt, and you will be in the utmost comfort while doing so. There is an anti-odor button, and I cannot fathom what technology THAT one deploys. There is still more.

Like, it’s very kind to leave a roll of toilet paper behind. He left six, neatly arranged so we couldn’t miss them. He had it alllllll set up for us. This dude had a PASSION, and he wanted to recruit us to the cause.

This is an $899 toilet seat.

This toilet seat cost more than our brand new washing machine.

This toilet seat costs more than many weeklong cruises.

This house has no AC, a furnace that can charitably be described as an antique with four thermostats inexplicably installed to control it given that there’s only one zone, baseboard heating, a crack between the foundation blocks that you can very literally see the backyard through, 1970s wood paneling on the entire second floor with the ugliest (very stained) bright red polyester carpet you’ve ever seen, 1000 outlets so loose that you can’t plug anything into them, 14 spiders per room, and an $899 toilet seat.

I need to sit down.

Oh yes @kalikatze, I will simply SELL MY PREOWNED INCREDIBLY ELABORATE TOILET SEAT. Like I will just HOP ONTO FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE AND

“Hey Perverts!

Once in a lifetime opportunity for someone who wants this preused, already installed and also somehow fixed into a separate wall toilet seat! Can guarantee that at least seven people I know of have rested their bare buttcheeks upon this multifaceted,multifunctional beauty! Probably way more because they used to run an entire insurance agency out of this house and when we first visited with our realtor the sunroom out front had literally four desks in it and an OSHA poster and then we discovered three more work stations and a wholeass office and there is one (1) bathroom on this floor, so. Will not fit standard toilets. This is so I can afford to kill all these spiders and furnace if I have leftovers. Seeking $898 OBO!

P.S. Must uninstall yourself because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THEY DID THIS BUT IT IS PART OF THE WALLS AND POSSIBLY LOAD BEARING. Also please leave a functioning toilet in the gaping socket you have extracted my Butt Buddy from.

So the kids are 6 and 4 right? They’re little. And the toilet features only activate with that friendly little beep when you sit down, which engages I have to imagine like a pressure plate and a 3D butt LIDAR scan to make sure that you’re permitted to sit on such a lofty perch.

But again, they’re little. If they sit alllll the way back it works, but if they lean even a little forward the weight sensor lifts up and it deactivates. But they WANT to use all the insane features of the fun toilet, so they’ll shift back again. But they’re little and it’s probably uncomfortable to be so far back so they’ll immediately get distracted and lean forward

and in practice how this works is there will be a kid abruptly sprinting past me while i’m in the kitchen yelling “GOTTA GO POTTYYYYYYYYY”

and then all i will hear for the next few minutes in the adjacent room is

The store is open again! 🥳💛

Keeping it open for a couple of weeks before I need to close Alison for Stockholm Comic Con 💛💛

while carolina moves on to live a life of rest & luxury in the retirement kennels, her role is being passed on to her successor, tamasha. she is 2 years old & was named after the grandmother of one of her handlers.

(with her handler priscus)

here is a description of tamasha:

"Tamasha is also quite playful! She enjoys jumping, climbing, and sometimes does a joyful little dance when placed in the TB evaluation enclosure – as if celebrating her enthusiasm for the work ahead. She’s also a big fan of avocado, her favorite treat for a job well done."

im conducting an experiment, so if everyone could please reblog with their romance choices for both games

Dragon Age Origins: Alistair

Dragon Age 2: Fenris

Dragon Age Inquisition: Cullen