roasted sharran

I opened and rummaged through the cobweb-laiden chest I keep in the attic of my heart and all these things fell out. Best labeled as (mostly) popular media that speaks to me, whether as a distant echo eternally reverberating in pleasant ways or a passionately crazed voice continuously demanding an audience with me while I keep trying to reject it and entertain life’s charming mundanities instead.

I mean, uh... here are my fandoms ig.

The growing prices of computer components (GPU, RAM, SSD, HDD...), as well as large companies announcing they will halt new orders of items I was planning on buying - I need them for my job - surfaced a dread that is more destabilising than I had anticipated. Because, after all, if the general culture could agree to spend more time in spaces and our bodies, relating to each other through sensing and tactility, finding joy in psysical crafts, imperfect but charming, and so on, that would be better than creating perpetually obsolete technologies, discarded into the environment as if its space and familiar properties are infinite and everlasting, right? (Don't at me about the crudeness of my example or the complexities of why things are as they are. I am aware, but unwilling to write out my awareness.)

And yet, the threat of moving technologies to clouds and servers, to having my personal collection of technological tools become old stock, unreplenishable once it breaks, feels... not like an assault, as those are swift and dramatic, but like something reaching inside one's essence and plucking a part of it out, the rest of the being consequentially beginning to wilt or rearrange itself in a profoundly different way.

I don't like smartphones. I've never been a tablet user. Never touched a mobile game, nor was tempted to. Social media was interesting at the start, but I wasn't consistent with it. I remember a world without mobile phones and digital IDs with a complete history of your doctor appointments since the system went online. I remember good hotel rooms without TVs. I remember large hotel keychains with an engraved room number, dangling off a key - no key cards that you need to slot in to turn on the lights or charge your devices. I remember many a non-technological situations not listed here.

But I also remember always being drawn to screens and gadgets, and the worlds they offer, while others were still hiking without dreaming about playing a handheld (what's a handheld?) and finding dolls and paper crafts perfectly satisfying, fun activities, without knowing what a console mascot is, or what is a gaming console to begin with. I chose computer technologies before others did, when it was an outlier in my social environment. In that context, even as I detest a lot of technology - its designs and imposed speed of use distress me - the trepidation I feel oughtn't be surprising.

But between accepting smartphones as primary tools (that has happened in society), "AI" as a common tool (in progress) and personal and professional computing moving to servers you pay access to (hasn't happened yet), versus giving it all up and de-prioritising technology in my life, personally, professionally... I think I'd rather, I don't know, groom dogs than have Nvidia snoop through my material as it renders and exports on their spy machines.

If I'm allowed this final bit of indulgent self-reflection, perhaps the stress comes from this: Technology, the internet, fictional worlds somewhat solved a problem I haven't been able to solve through other means. In other words, if I ever leave it behind, I'll be starting over, confronting some old, previously defeated foes anew.

クソ I used to draw.

"She's a paladin. Ever forward-facing, action-focused, and too practical and busy to doubt or rumminate. And here are the names of the parents, as asked, but they have an impersonal relationship."

"Paragraphs and paragraphs detailing the psychologies of each character, informed by the society they live in, as well as details from their personal lives. This includes characters that are no longer with them. An unsent but crafted logic to all of their names, taking into consideration culture, ethnicity, meaning, symbolism, how the name feels to say and fits into the story, etc. I mean, yeah, still wouldn't focus on the parents, but now you know why."

It's the same goddamn coin – just a difference in presentation.

Is there a way to signal my continuous presence without posting? Who knows! So here's a post.

Aylin-Isobel Week (Feb 27th – Mar 2nd) on my mind. Aylin and Isobel on my mind (always).

Currently brainstorming name ideas for my first DnD tabletop character. I couldn't resist a paladin aasimar. There's no need to resist anything. The sessions will be in person, even!

Shadowheart really wants to talk theology with the Selûnite cleric that's busy with The Mission (the mission is finishing a BG3 playthrough and building a collection of save files before important story moments). Just kidding – I love the lore dumps, but please, Shart, stop being so approving!

The "what if my computer keyboard was themed" side quest went off the rails, no surprise there, and for someone who really doesn't want to be a mechanical keyboard "hobbyist"... quack quack.

The internet is on fire, and at this point I'd rather entertain home visitations than send another message over this surveillance hellscape, but I recently registered a nice little "fannish" domain, with intent to use it. Self-hosting and crude interfaces in my heart (this could actually be the digital equivalent of a home visitation, now that I think about it. Neat).

I don't have any special feelings of loyalty towards Larian Studios. They probably do some things very well and some things less well. They managed to make a good game through it all – despite any flaws it has – without some disproportionate amount of misery as a crucial ingredient, that I am aware of.

Do I think they should be using generative AI for prototyping and "exploring ideas"? No. Absolutely not. To give time to imagine, to fantasize, to go "what if we could do this..." and think on paper, through drawings and writing and human consideration, is a fundamental part of the creative process. To shorten, streamline and optimize this part with "AI" is to get one step closer to merely and cynically creating a product, rather than art.

They're not the only ones doing it – they're the ones with poor timing. But that's still not an endorsement, because unless those really rich companies fail to build those promised "AI" servers, Larian and others won't keep the "AI" use contained to this part of game development. The initial failure to refrain from using it confirms it.

Rigorous job application processes, which I see being mentioned too... is a bit ehh. It's not a moral failure to insist on a certain standard of quality, and sometimes the way to increase the odds it happens isn't pleasant. Not trying to discredit anyone, but it seems like one more thing to toss into the criticism pile, as it's currently a good look to do it and the previous frustration about it wasn't resolved, and is now trying to find an outlet, or vindication.

The outrage cycle dynamic is maintained, and continues to spin.

First, the disproportionate praise and love for making Baldur'a Gate 3. Identifying with their game and what it made one feel. Simultaneously, the irritation of others who liked it a regular amount, or who didn't care for it, or simply didn't play and don't understand why it is so much of a Best Thing Ever that people need to be that obnoxious about it.

Then, the shattering of the bubble and standard that could not be met. Everyone is here – the lovers, the haters, the (former) employees(?). Yes, even those that like Larian. Because after all, one can't be disappointed over something one doesn't care about. People who worked or applied to work at Larian, regardless of Larian's difficult application process, wanted to be there in some capacity. Those that never cared can be very self-satisfied now while saying "see? I knew this was garbage from the start and I was better than you all along". It's all very... no, and I find people's motivation suspicious and ill-timed, if resolving the issues / improvement is the goal.

Personally, participation feels like a trick. And the barrage of criticism drains my enthusiasm entirely, similarly as disproportionate praise once did (people, it's just a well-made game, it was never going to save anything). Because the outrage cycle guarantees that regardless of what is happening, it will always be contentious. And everyone and everything will always be a problem, unless one is invisible in the crowd, until the barrage ends and everyone collectively "forgets" there was ever a mob to be a part of.

I can't wait for the future "think pieces" about how Larian actually didn't warrant this and people went a little too far (again). Or how it warranted criticism, but the real problem is something else, and this was a red herring. Or maybe it was a canary and the worst is yet to come. Or how it won't matter at all, because the same people participating in the current tomato throwing won't be able to resist the hype of a new Larian game once it comes out. Or whatever may happen, but none of it born out of any sort of constructive discussion or consideration. Or whatever the fuck.

fandom spaces don't seem very progressive. If they cannot pass the bare minimum criteria of not blatantly and majorly approaching women characters as inherently less interesting, well-written, worth anyone's time and so on, and the inclusion or prioritisation of them as some sort of terrible oppression, inconvenience or nagging from a select few weirdos (hint: the non-biased response to that suggestion would be "let me think how could I do this", "could be a change of pace", "maybe I could include them in an interesting way around my main thing and see what happens, because women are naturally a part of the world"), then fandom spaces are failing in a big and spectacularly disgraceful way.

I've seen more genuine interest towards women characters from the whitest and straightest of heterosexual men than some supposedly queer fandom spaces (and I don't mean in the "hurr durr hot chick" way). I'd be worried if I were a participant in this.

And that's just not being able to care about a type of character that shares a trait with half of the world's population.

Fandom doesn't seem to actually be equipped to live or talk about any sort of truly transgressive and queer content, as a whole, if it cannot do this simple thing. Some people in fandom may have never heard this before, so I'll go ahead and say it, but women are amazing. And they're also terrible. They're nuanced, each one different, with rich and complex internal worlds and, finally – now that they can somewhat participate in public society in certain parts of the world – rich and varied external lives, shaping society and generously including others in their experiences. Sharing everything they are – their differences, similarities, uniqueness, heaviness, problems, their "non-standard" bodies (whether it's genetics, disability, transness, body modification, eating habits, workout habits, etc.) and non-binary identities... To shut out women characters out of your creative considerations would be to rob yourself of half the world. And I think that's a shame, and a disservice.

I'm not here to be anyone's judge, jury and executioner, but the idea fandom spaces are inclusive, progressive, unbiased, queer, etc. is a fucking joke, and I'm becoming slightly irritated by how easily biases of general society are being replicated in them and then even defended. People participating in this process may wrap themselves in rationalisations, defensively unwilling to engage with any sort of serious discussion around this, but that doesn't change the reality of statistics (link, link) and the way the fandom represents its opinions and tastes (link).

Sometimes, being challenged is good, actually. Consider.

(mild spoilers, kept it surprisingly general)

I don't consider myself a particularly mechanically adept player, but just like the original game, Hades II's system makes it fun, makes me improve and want to keep going, with a feeling of progression and satisfaction. Compared to the original game, Hades II manages to (riskily) offer the same format, but deepen it to a point where it feels different and distinct enough not to play like a rehash of the first game. Whenever I start a run, there's something to surprise you, both as a new player and one who played the first game. The runs are so fun, in fact, I would play them outside the narrative they're set in.

The Hades II story, however, is a mess. For all the polish and depth the mechanics got, the story didn't.

The setup is good, the characters are compelling and the protagonist's personality sets her up as different from Zagreus, promising an equivalent story, but one where the same solutions cannot apply.

And somehow, as it stands (Nov 4th 2025), I was wrong about that.

What I saw: A serious, task-focused woman determined to release her biological family she has a relationship with only through stories and through technically, but not culturally, belonging to this godly, Underworld royal family. She has been estranged from this family from the very start. All the while circumstances have made the Silver Sisters and the Unseen Melinoë's de facto family, emotionally and socially. Her enemy is an embittered family member who's solution to his dissatisfaction is to imprison everyone and shape the world to his vision with no agency and consult from anyone else. Melinoë's greeting, "Death to Chronos", sets up the expectations and a promise to what the game will be about. Narratively, with such a clear point, a good resolution would be to either see it through (safe) or give a solution that is unexpected, but somehow better than what you're expecting and have been working towards (risky).

What actually happened: The protagonist of the first game is crucial to the resolution of this game's conflict (whether he does it with or without Melinoë's agreement), and the solution is much like the first game – stubbornly appealing to familial bonds and wearing down the discordant family member into accepting being understood... which is quite possibly the worst way to try and tie in a sequel to the original, because my question then is – why do we even need this sequel? Did you even have something you wanted to tell in the sequel that you didn't in the first game?

More than that, I'm not even sure what Hades II's narrative points are. Blood family is forever and very important? It's important to not give up on understanding and give opportunities even after being served with the most atrocious of circumstances, dismissing that a point of no return exists? Or, with the newest patched in reading of Chronos' lines, Melinoë is in the wrong from the very start and comes on way too aggressively, because she cannot read the hurt behind Chronos' voice, who is just begging for a conversation Melinoë refuses to offer him. What is going on?!

And don't even get me started on the strain the game goes through to justify continuing the game mechanics after you've gotten the (first) ending. The more they try to explain it, the worse it is. You don't need to explain it. Or, like, IDK, do a Star Trek and say triggering Chronos' defeat or surrender created a time loop Melinoe and the other characters are now trapped in and keep resolving over and over, waiting for when one will stick, Groundhog Day style, and put in an incantation that activates once you've gotten all the dialogues and content this game offers. Or twenty different other solutions.

This lack of story polish manifests all over the game in details and side plots, which would have still worked if they were leaning on a good main plot. And while I don't want to get into this too much, because I would need to first dissect out my personal biases to get to what is narratively questionable, there is something strange in making both of the male romance interests, in what is then a m/f coupling, easy, safe and comparatively conflict-free – leaning towards an achetypical romance ideal – while the women in a then f/f coupling are... really difficult. Don't get me wrong, Eris is 10/10, no notes from me, an easy favourite, I would personally hang out with her to my own detriment and enjoy the strife because she has a unique talent to always make the misery at least a little funny, but I don't understand whether Nemesis likes you at all from start to finish (btw, the solution wouldn't be to defang her and make her soft, but to readjust how her personality lands in this relationship) (Also, for retribution incarnate, we don't see her be very fair in any situation, and not even in a 'the concept of retribution is questionable in itself' way).

Still here, just the longer it has been since the last post, the harder it is to break the silent streak.

I've been Hades II-ing, which is actually a great way to practice for raiding in Guild Wars 2, but we still know who has permanent residence in my mind.

Not sure about the general etiquette, but I'll be writing about my impressions about Hades II and wanted to give a heads up due to spoilers, because I don't necessarily want to use the read more.

So, if one wants to avoid spoilers generally, filter "spoilers" and "(thing name) spoilers" for anything specific. So it's "hades ii spoilers" in this particular case. I want to be able to write about things on here without jump-scaring people with content that they didn't want to see (yet). How stories and things are made, and how they resonate after the fact, and why, is a genuine interest of mine.

So stay tuned for more.

Which includes that one tattooed lady and her winged champion.