Tori 💋

Me to my friend: hey man you wanna hang out?

Friend: yeah…. but hey can you do me a favor first

Me: sure what’s up

Friend: I need some bugs dude

Me: w..wha

Friend: you got that new carpet?

Me: no not yet but-

“Seventeen! Puke on those fucking guards!“ 

 "I would like to buy your hair for a hundred gold pieces.“ 

 "You can’t walk off in the middle of hide-and-seek again! I’ve been in a barrel for an hour, I fell asleep in there!" 

 "I am a little evil magnet." 

 "Do you want to do a reach-around and see if you get a handful of wooden boob?" 

 "I show him my ass and I leave." 

 "I once saw him kill a man with his taint." 

 "I covered my hand in ink and, yeah…" 

 "My name is Burt Reynolds and that offends me." 

 "Your hands are just covered in piss now." 

 "I bury my shame." 

 "Don’t worry, I still have my lips." 

 "You realize that I was born to shove things in holes…" 

 "Vomit on those bitches." 

 "I’m the most wicked narwhal of all time!" 

 "Some people have no sense of FUCKING HONOR." 

 "You’ll leave when Burt Reynolds tells you to leave." 

 "Remember that time you killed a kid?" 

 "Turn around 180 degrees then run as fast as you can." 

 "I’m just sitting in the corner going HAHAHAHAHAA!" 

"The butt flap is down." 

 "It’s not sexual at all, I’m not attracted to you! Like literally if it happened I would be ill." 

 "Alright, I’ll whip it out again." 

 "Hey, _____. How much XP would _____ get for drowning an entire cargo hold of slave children?" 

 "What’s the term for when your penis is inverted?" 

 "Roses are red, violets are blue. We’re both gnomes and you are sooooo foxy.”

 "He smells of sandalwood. And dismissiveness.“ 

 "And my thoughts are still fuck you, no way, bye-bye." 

 "You’re right! He is no hollaback gnome." 

 "We don’t do anything with dignity!”

 ”_____’s lifeless corpse has a pool of urine around it.“ 

 "Nobody sweating more than is…you know necessary when being threatened by a big fuck-off dragon.“ 

 "Hit him in the arse!" 

 "Most of what I do is long and hard." 

 "I just got one of those terrible ideas I get on occasion." 

 "I died as I lived. Hard." 

 "I’m gonna dominate the guy in front." 

 "YOUR SOUL IS FORFEIT." 

 "Fancy fancy mustache that you cannot wipe off your face!" 

 "Hey, look! I found a hole!" 

 "Oh! I got hit with his dick!" 

 "I’ll just punch him in his dragon face." 

 "I’m going to stand over here and fail to stay in character." 

 "Nothing can go wrong. This is a great idea!" 

 "He was trying to corrupt my soul or whatever…but good luck with that." 

 "You were like a dick in a box." 

 "This probably isn’t a good idea but…whatever."