OneWriterLives Forever

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

Said my mother in the back.

“I’m done playing this game.

Let’s just say things won’t stay lame.”

Yes, she’s gotta look after her child

She should’ve known that wouldn’t have lasted for awhile.

They say they grow up so fast

Only if you let it pass.

Oh, hell yeah

Tell me that

Disappointment of a child

Who bent her mom’s precious heart out of style.

I’m raising my hand,

Giving away who I truly am.

Oh I was a disappointment to my momma

She said, “Honey, I really love ya

But how could you do me this way

By letting this s**t stay?”

She screamed it in my face of course.

I guess it could be worse

Like when I had my panties ‘round my ankles

And my head full of hair tangles.

“I’m done or having any freedom.” I said.

I held the knife, praying I was dead.

“How bad could it be, I just cut myself and bleed?

It can’t be bad as shattered dreams.”

Yes, he touched me, I’ll have you know.

He degraded me and called me a hoe.

You should’ve done something sooner,

Maybe I wouldn’t be a “loser”.

I’m not apologizing for who I am

You were the one who made me damned.

So if you want to say it’s my fault

Go ahead, as I scream at the walls.

Oh, hell yeah

Tell me that

Disappointment of a child

Who bent her mom’s precious heart out of style.

I’m raising my hand,

Giving away who I truly am.

Oh I was a disappointment to my momma

She said, “Honey, I really love ya

But how could you do me this way

By letting this s**t stay?”

She screamed it in my face of course.

I guess it could be worse

Like when I had my panties ‘round my ankles

And my head full of hair tangles.

Damn I’m a lunatic

Damn she’s full of s**t.

Where the hell was she all these years

As I struggled fighting demons, fears as tears?

Go! Go! Go! Oh, hell yeah

Tell me that

Disappointment of a child

Who bent her mom’s precious heart out of style.

I’m raising my hand,

Giving away who I truly am.

Oh I was a disappointment to my momma

She said, “Honey, I really love ya

But how could you do me this way

He said, “I had a dream.”

Those words echo, as things tear at the seams

Some are looting and rioting

While others are suffering and crying.

Is it necessary for someone to bleed and no longer breathe

For us to reach a dream?

I’m no longer wondering what to believe

As I ponder upon our wants and needs.

The truth is coming out.

Everyone sees it in the crowds.

Look at all the signs

And hear the chants shouted through day and night.

Before he died, he let out so many pleas

Repeatedly saying, “I can’t breathe.”

Now everyone’s fighting for a dream.

The one we all want and need.

They always said, “Liberty and justice for all”.

What about us, as we fall?

I want and need these things, not just for me

But for everyone, like the man who kept saying, “I can’t breathe.”

Life is too precious, hold onto it.

Most of all fight for it.

If you don’t believe me,

Remember “I had a dream”

I like you when you’re down on your knees

Saying “pretty-pretty-please

Don’t tell on me.”

You’re trying to sound tough acting like you would scream.

———————————

In the end you know,

You wish I were the promiscuous hoe

But you started it

So you can’t say shit.

———————————

But I will and say, “You’re my bitch.

The one who’ll end up with stitches

From all the women he called stupid bitches.”

And I’ll show you how much of a witch

I can be when you’re down there crying

Knowing that your lying

Has gotten ya here.

———————————

There ya go acting like nothing ever happened between us

But you know that’s a lie, cuz you sir are f**ked.

———————————

I’ll sing, “Ashes to ashes you’ll fall down.”

Why shouldn’t I? You laughed while I drowned.

My buddy will sing along with me

And ya can’t do nothing but scream.

———————————

Yeah I might go to hell

But I’ll see ya down there too, so for you it won’t end well.

———————————

You’re my bitch.

The one who’ll end up with stitches

From all the women he called stupid bitches.

And I’ll show you how much of a witch

I can be when you’re down there crying

Knowing that your lying

Has gotten ya here.

———————————

Tell them I’m a bad, bad, bad, bad girl.

Trust me I’ll ruin, ruin, ruin your world.

I’m a bad, bad, bad, bad girl.

I’m gonna ruin, ruin, ruin your world.

———————————

Get the hell out of here cuz I’m never gonna leave you alone.

Hide somewhere else than your redneck home.

The writing’s gonna be on the wall

You’re name’s gonna be in red all over these halls.

I love being a bad motherf**ker

Everyone will talk about us, then tell your wife, “Yeah he kissed her.”

———————————

I want to tell you

That you are screwed

You messed with the wrong girl

Cuz I’m gonna f**k up your world

Like what ya did to me

And I’m gonna love hearing your scream.

———————————

Now I can say, “You’re my bitch.

The one who’ll ended up with stitches

From all the women he called stupid bitches.

Now you how much of a witch

I can be since you’re down there crying

Knowing that your lying

Has gotten ya there.

———————————

Tell them I’m a bad, bad, bad, bad girl.

Tell them I’ll ruin, ruin, ruin their world.

Tell them I’m a mad, mad, mad, mad girl

Doll, what are ya doing here?

Your pretty face won’t be the same when you get the case of fear.

Are ya sure this is where you want to be?

I’d hate it if you’d end up like me.

—————————————

Doll, you’re cute and lovable.

You might be sweet but you’re not untouchable.

If I could, I would hold your hand

If only you’d make me your man.

—————————————

Doll, be careful what you ask for,

It might leave your sugary heart torn.

Why do you think I’ve got these scars?

If you want, we’ll have a house and call it ours

So you won’t have to fall,

My little doll.

—————————————

Doll, you’re gonna be fed lies.

If you do, see through it with your pretty little eyes.

You’re smart, I know, that’s the truth

And you might be even better than Mary Sue.

—————————————

Doll, just look at me,

And tell me what you see.

You see a rugged, broken man

With destroyed dreams and empty plans.

—————————————

Doll, if you could give me one chance to shatter your walls

I’ll do it and catch you in your fall

Just give me a chance,

I promise I’ll be your perfect man.

—————————————

Doll, let me protect you.

I’ll never lie and I’ll always tell you the truth

You’ll be so better with me, I’ll never let you go

So if you can, love, just pull me out of woe.

—————————————

Doll, doll, doll,

Let’s stay in a house of brick walls

You would be safe

Life would be great

His daughter was born on the seventeenth,

He had tears in his eyes, knowing he just accomplished a dream.

But that’s in the past now.

He needed to get all the bills paid somehow.

————————————

Yesterday she learned how to walk

Now she’s learning how to talk.

Yesterday she was the light of his life,

Today he lives for work at day, and sleep at night.

————————————

She wonders what he does whenever he’s gone.

He’s praying that he’s not doing anything wrong.

There’s so much money he has to earn

Yet lost time that can never return.

She asked, “When are gonna do something together, Dad?”

He said, “When I don’t have a lot on my hands.”

————————————

She had her 11th birthday not too long ago,

She said, “Dad will watch me sing at that show?”

He said, “I won’t make it honey, I hope you understand.”

She said, “I do. I still love you and always will, Dad.”

————————————

When she was 17 she made him mad on Christmas night

After he cussed at her and her mom in the middle of a fight.

He asked, “Why do you have to be like her?”

She said, “You’re never here and you always leave me hurt.”

————————————

She wonders what he does whenever he’s gone.

He’s praying that things don’t keep going wrong

There’s so much he’s done that left her hurt

Now she’s wondering how much she’s really worth.

She asked, “Do you really love me, Dad?”

He said, “I do and I always will” as he held her hand.

————————————

She came home from college after her 21st birthday

Her dad asked if she could stay.

She said, “No, Dad. I got things I need to do,

Now I know what it’s like to be just like you.”

————————————

Yesterday she wanted time with her dad

Now she wants to live all on her plan.

Yesterday she loved him like a god

Now she thinks everything he did in his life was wrong.

————————————

He wonders what she does now that she’s gone

He’s praying that she doesn’t do a whole lot of wrong.

There’s so much she’s done that can leave her hurt.

Now he wonders if her love can be re-earned.

He said on the voicemail, “When are you gonna come home, sweetheart?”

I’m in the ER again

Hoping that this pain will end.

This is my fourth time.

My husband’s only got one dime.

——————————————

He kept going to the vending machine while we waited for the news.

When we got it we didn’t want it to be true.

“You got ovarian cancer,” The doctor said,

And that was the end.

——————————————

I’m telling my folks now,

I don’t want to cry but I don’t know how.

How are they gonna take it?

I wish this is something I could skip

——————————————

I’ve been tough for awhile

This will be like walking another mile

In my little life.

It can’t be this bad right?

——————————————

Don’t cry for me

Don’t treat me differently

It’s gonna be hard, but I’m asking you to be strong.

And to God and all my family and friends I’m sorry for everything I ever did wrong.

——————————————

We’ve been through a lot together

But we should’ve known I wouldn’t be here forever.

We weren’t always on good terms

As far as I’m concerned

I always love you

—————————-

Perfect I’ve never been.

Flawed I am because I’m full of sins.

I’ve had too many drinks and cigarettes

But I’ve done worse things that I don’t want to confess.

—————————-

So judge me if you’re supposedly better

Just wait until you’re under pressure in worse weather

Like I was before.

Now I’m here on the other side of the door.

If you were me you’re understand

—————————-

Flawless I want to be

Below average has always been me

Darling I’m not good as your mother

Or strong as your brother.

—————————-

Imperfect I’ve always been

I want to be forgiven of everything I did.

But everyone holds a grudge

So I don’t give a f**k.

—————————-

Now I hope you understand

Why I’m not the man

Can I tell you a secret?

Will ya promise to keep it

To no one but yourself

So don’t share it with anyone else.

————————————

For awhile now I’ve told lie after lie

Saying that I’ve been fine

But if you and everyone else were in my shoes

You would know the whole truth.

————————————

All I’ve been doing is suffering

While my demons are doubling.

I feel like it’s me against everyone

The people who make me feel useless and dumb

————————————

So I lie

To hide

That I’m not fine.

At least everyone else is alright.

————————————

I’ve got skeletons in my closet

Will you promise to help me keep them locked in it?

Don’t give anyone the key

Or release them for everyone to see.

————————————

For years I’ve been telling lie after lie

Saying that I’ve been fine

But if you and everyone else were in my shoes

You would know the whole truth.

————————————

All I’ve been doing is suffering

While my life’s been troubling

I feel like it’s me against everyone

Who make me feel useless and dumb

————————————

So I always lie

To forever hide

That I’m not and never will be fine.

At least everyone else is doing alright.

————————————

Smiles may look real

But they can be deceiving especially when the smiler’s ill.

Tears can be too

Unless my shattered conscious can feel the truth.

————————————

So just like me, others lie

To hide

That they’re fine

So every-f**king-one else can be alright

————————————

I hate this world I hate its people

Everyone and everything is evil

Cuz demons aren’t given arrows

Lips are like a drug

Once yours touch another you’re all set and done.

Got my first kiss today

And I’m sure if I’m ok.

————————————

So if I go crazy

Like I have been lately

Ask if I’m ok and if I say maybe

Take me to the hospital baby.

————————————

I got hit by a kisser,

He was a damn good-looking mister

Who could make any girl fall for him, even my sister.

But ladies, you all better be good listeners

Cuz I’m telling ya now that you can’t have him.

————————————

Who knew sex

Ain’t nothin’ but a hot mess?

Must’ve been me

Cuz I’ve been a virgin forever can’t you see?

————————————

So if I go crazy

Like I have been lately

Ask if I’m ok and if I say maybe

Take me to the hospital baby.

————————————

I got hit by a kisser,

He was a damn good-looking mister

Who could make any girl fall for him, even my sister.

But ladies, you all better be good listeners

Cuz I’m telling ya now that you can’t have him.

————————————

Please don’t take my man

I had a lot of plans

With just the two of us

And I can’t afford to get f**ked.

————————————

Lips are like a drug

When yours touch another you’re all set and done.

I know, cuz when I got my first kiss that day

I wasn’t sure if I was ok.

————————————

So if I was crazy

I’m so sorry baby

But that kisser must’ve kissed me so hard

That my sanity went to damn far.

————————————

I got hit by a kisser,

And a f**king mister

Who could make any girl fall for him, even my sister.

But ladies, you all better be good listeners

Cuz I’m telling ya now that ya shouldn’t have him.

————————————

He’s got no class

So he hides it by kissing everyone’s ass

Like he did to every girls’ lips.

Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this

Leave me alone, ignore me and go back to sleep.

I would follow but I can’t right now, even though my eyes are weak

Brew the coffee for me

Then remind me to breathe.

——————————————-

I’ll close my eyes and play my favorite song again

Then I’ll try not to remember the things I always dread.

I can’t make any promises to you

Because it’s hard to forget it all. You know that’s the truth.

——————————————-

Now ignore my pain

Cuz I don’t want it to be something you gain

It’s too much

I only share it with people I trust.

——————————————-

No, I couldn’t share it even to my wife

Sweetie, I’ve been through a lot in my life

I’ve got the scars and tags to prove it

Sorry if my words start to trip

——————————————-

There’s just so much I want you to know.

If you see me in woe

Hold my hand while I shake

I promise my panic attacks aren’t fake.

——————————————-

Don’t take me to the emergency room

Take me too my bedroom

So I can sleep

And you won’t weep.

——————————————-

Don’t be scared, I just have something no one can feel

But me, almost like a knife in my heart I wield

So I’m sorry if I scare you,

I just want you to know the truth

Well you’re being a crazy b***h again

Hoping to make my reign of happiness end.

But open up your hypocritical ears and eyes

Cuz for once I’m not filled with bulls**t or lies.

—————————-

Instead I’ll give you verbal knives,

To ruin the lives

Of the other people you hate the most

So if they croak,

Don’t drag me in it

Cuz you started all the s**t

I only followed along so you would just shut up.

—————————-

My religious family members hate me so

Just cuz they think I’m such an aggravating atheist hoe

But they should look in the mirror

To see their nasty characters a little bit clearer.

—————————-

The preacher somehow likes me

I know things aren’t like it seems

But it’s scary he likes me the most

Cuz I literally do almost nothing except lie around and choke

—————————-

On your verbal knives

The ones I lent to you till ya got me from behind

The you lied

When you cried

Saying it wasn’t your fault

But don’t think you’re lie won’t be tucked away in an underground vault.

—————————-

I’ll get you with my verbal knife

And at last I’ll use my little white lies

To get you back

Exchanging glances, smiling at one another

Copying numbers, meeting the mothers,

The fathers giving deadly stares,

Writing texts and calling to show how much you care.

————————————————-

Fell in love so hard

After all those rides in your car

We were once scared to touch

So we didn’t hush

About our growing love,

A thing we didn’t think we could’ve done ————————————————-

Little date nights, memories of horrible fights,

Dreams and sins lingering in our lives.

Laughter and crying mixed in one,

Singing all the songs everyone else has sung, ————————————————-

Buying the ring,

Praying to reach a dream,

Getting down on one knee,

Asking, “Will you marry me?”

————————————————-

Setting the wedding,

Getting ready for where life is heading,

Holding my dad’s hand while I walk down here

With not much to fear.

I have you after all

So I’m not afraid to fall. ————————————————-

We fell in love so hard

After getting married under the stars.

At last, we touched

Gained each others’ trust

To nurture this love,

A thing we promised to never treat like crud. ————————————————

Sleeping together for the first time,

Getting for a new life

As parents to a baby on the way

Preparing to be called “Mommy” and “Daddy” that day.

————————————————-

Getting the news,

Asking the doctor, “Is it true?”

Our little unnamed baby

Is now another shattered dream.

————————————————-

Making the best out of the worst

Praying to overcome this curse

How could this happen to us?

We laughed and kissed before we never fussed

Like this before. ————————————————-

Fell in love so hard

That it even left scars.

We can’t fix ourselves now that the baby’s gone,

This is all wrong,

We should’ve been happy forever,

Now like all things, it’s starting to weather. ————————————————-

Survived the arguments,

Fell in love so hard again reading those compliments

You wrote in the card,

For me after we were scarred.

Feared that thing, divorce,

Daughter, you know I love you so

I’d never hurt you but there’s something I need for you to know.

I’ve got something wrong with me

It might be hard for you to believe.

———————————————

Daughter I might die

So do not cry

If I do,

Cuz then I will too.

———————————————

God will get us through

Please be strong like I taught you

And never forget all of life’s truth

Even if they’re not sweet as fruit.

———————————————

Daughter, the tumor came out of the blue

I don’t want to die I got to much to lose

Like you, my child

The one who made my life so worthwhile.

———————————————

Daughter, I tried working things out with your dad

I got tired of always seeing him mad

Maybe it was wrong

I just hope I make things right with you before I could be gone.

———————————————

If this kills me,

I love you sweetie

I always did even before you were born.

———————————————

Daughter, I love you so,

Heart beating out of my chest

Stomach tingling, mind lingering on this mess.

Releasing vomit from my mouth

Praying for an escape right now

———————————————-

911 I need help

5/03 save me from myself.

———————————————-

Anxiety you’re crippling me

In my head, I’m letting out scream after scream

Anxiety make me believe

That I can attain my dreams.

———————————————-

I know you always scare me

I know you make it hard to breathe

Anxiety just help me overcome myself

Like you’ve probably done to somebody else.

———————————————-

Clinging to the trash can,

Wishing I didn’t give a damn

About everything happening in my life,

Even though it’s cutting me like a knife.

———————————————-

911 help me already

5/03 release me.

———————————————-

Anxiety you’re crippling me

In my head, I’m letting out scream after scream

Anxiety make me believe

That I can attain my dreams.

———————————————-

Killing my body with worry

Wanting to get over this in a hurry

———————————————-

Anxiety you crippled me

In my head, I let out scream after scream

Anxiety you made me believe

That I can attain my dreams

By getting rid of you completely.

———————————————-

Anxiety I’m over you

Trust me, we’re through.

I can’t deal with you anymore

You fractured me at my core

But that’s ok cuz I’m showing you the door

Anna, my love, you’re broken again.

You think this is the end,

It’s not, what you think.

Anna, my love, have a drink.

———————————————

Calm down, calm down,

You’ll get over this somehow

You don’t know how much faith I have in you

That you’ll never lose.

———————————————

Anna, my love, don’t cry.

You’re making yourself believe this lie

And now, it’s killing you

Anna, my love, accept the truth.

———————————————

Calm down, calm down

You’re gonna conquer this now.

This I know cuz I have faith in you.

That you’ll never lose.

———————————————

Nobody’s perfect

But you’re so worth it

To love and to hold for eternity

When you hide your emotions externally

I’m the first to see through your ways

Cuz for you, I have nothing but good words I always want to say.

———————————————

Anna, my love, calm down, calm down.

You don’t have anything to worry about now.

Don’t look at me. If you can, just turn away

This is where I’ll forever stay

In my dress and pearls,

Not as ashes in some urn.

—————————————-

Comfort my friends fiends and family for me

I’m already out of agony,

Yet, gone forever, stuck inside this box

So I don’t want all my folks to fuss

Cuz to don’t have anything they would want.

—————————————-

Close the lid, cuz I hate when people stare.

When I was alive, they didn’t even care

About seeing me at all

Now they only care cuz I’m gone.

—————————————-

Dont think of me when they play that sad song

Reminding yourself that I’m dead would be wrong.

You only got one life to live

So don’t blow it like I did.

—————————————-

When they bury me today

You better have good words to say

To my family and friends, cuz now they only have you.

Just remember that from me, you guys don’t have anything to lose.