another ocean of fiction blue

reading fool's fate and its really insane to me that fitz did All That. like. he was ready to sacrifice anything and everything to save beloved and when he realized he couldn't, that beloved had been right all along, he literally begged for forgiveness and still he did not give up hope that beloved was alive until peottre told him otherwise where he almost FAINTED and from then on he was almost dead to the world. burrich, his father in all the ways that mattered, was dying yet he could not grieve bc the fool was already dead. because of him. he went thru the motions, feeling nothing at all, or feeling so much grief it physically drained him. fucking. every single time he even THOUGHT of beloved's dead body he was on the verge of fainting or did faint. but even then he knew he could not and would not go back without burying beloved first bc he never liked the cold he couldn't stay in the ice forever he would hate that. and so he went on and he mourned and mourned and mourned and did not stop and when he found beloved's body he pleaded with everyone to help him, to heal him, what do you mean you couldn't feel him he was there in his arms, fitz was holding him, he was THERE. but they couldn't help him. he wasn't there. and from that point on, fitz was not dead, but something far more dangerous. he was heartbroken. grief stricken. mad with loss. he didn't kill the pale woman bc he didn't want to let go of beloved. he couldn't. and THEN when it was finally time to let him go, he couldn't do it. he said goodbye with the custom of beloved's ppl, naming beloved as fitzchivalry farseer bc he was. he was. his death killed fitzchivalry farseer. let him burn with his beloved. but he could not light the fire. instead he said he would die in place of beloved if only the gods would let him live and when the gods did not help he went into beloved's body, not caring that he might not come back to his own, and fixed him. rebirthed him anew. and they were one. fitz was beloved and beloved was fitz and they did not begin or end. and then he held beloved thru all his nightmares and all his days, missing him even as he was right there. god like why did he do that to me

parents are so crazy because they can say the most fucked up shit to you when your brain is forming and it sets the tone for your whole adult mind set and then they forget about it the next day

Failed my phrenology exam

Skull issue