Yay! Solicited for prostitution again! It had been a while; I was beginning to get a complex. For your contribution to my blog, I award you the Fedora of Shame!

I'll go out with you, providing you give me some of the drugs you're on.

I assure you, you don't want me to show up at your door in just a trench coat and heels.

"Hey you" is the best way to address a lady. It is known.

My inbox this morning.

...asked a white guy.

I've had time to decompress from that horrifying last entry. Let the games continue!

Wow. I just... wow. I think we've reached the end of the universe, folks. The Universe of Shameless Shitbags. I need to go dip my phone in Lysol now.

Man, even Fabio is embarrassed for you with that line.

Whenever I see "hope you can keep up," I immediately assume that the writer is one of those guys driving a tricked-out Honda Civic who revs his engine at the stoplight.

HELLO WHY ARE WE SHOUTING IS IT BECAUSE YOU CANNOT CONTROL THE VOLUME OF YOUR VOICE (I'm being a complete hypocrite. I love abusing capslock too.)

Straight guys are not the only ones who can be jerks. Her opening line was "I loved your profile;" the rest of her form-spam was glaring proof that she read nothing of it.

Sorry, but it's part of my prerogative as a doddering, wizened septagenerian to demand head without reciprocating.

I'm doing Ron Weasley Archie & Prince Harry lolololol ololol

Anyone who thinks there is no hope in the world should rejoice. A person who thinks a woman is going to want to have sex based on nothing but an age and location is as full of hope as it gets.

That diploma looks like a joint, doesn't it? It totally looks like a joint.

"However, if you weren't hot, I would not bother to even inform you of this. Women who don't register at least a 7 on my radar are not deserving of kindness or decency."