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@ohthisisgonnasuck
WHAT AM I DOING?
◻️ Minding my own business
✅ Whatever I want
✅ Your mom

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A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk
Originally posted by disneyasastrology
BWAHAHAHAHAH.
the way i learned this, it was always told through spoken word. And you’d do the door thing for ages. AGES. literally just making up any old material. ‘behind the foam door is a door made of spinach’ that kind of shit. Go on until whoever is listening has already begged you to stop and has now gone on to pleading, clutching your shirt on their knees pleading. And when you finally said the last line? People went fucking nuts Like there was a good chance of just getting the teeth knocked out of you after telling that joke.
A friend of mine did that shit for 30 minutes on a camp once. The entire fucking bus just exploded in anger when she finished. It was a fucking massacre.
it's natural for US senators to keep dying it's like a hobby for them
They should practice retiring. Unlike their constituents, they can afford to die on their own time.
pocket pussy made of antimatter call that free bottom surgery
who up annihilating they shit
I’m gonna do some really stupid math gimme a sec
Turns out nobody really measures average penis weight (science has failed me) so I went the route of “treat the object as a standard shape.” In this case, a right cylinder.
Sources: Wikipedia for average length and circumference, https://bionumbers.hms.harvard.edu/files/Density%20and%20mass%20of%20each%20organ-tissue.pdf for the density of muscle tissue (it was the same for all kinds of muscle)
ANYWAYS yeah matter/anti-matter reactions create energy based on the Mass-Energy relation (E=M C^2). If you did this you’re blowin’ your shit smooth off (plus anything in you’re immediate vicinity)
Side note: the final number might be double? I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to count the corresponding mass of anti-matter as well but I didn’t. Either way you’re setting off the equivalent of a small nuclear bomb.
awesome
That's not a small bomb. 6 megatons would put that at around the 19th most powerful nuclear explosion, right after the Castle Union test.
[getting defensive] n-no it's a really small bomb actually...
i feel like there is a sleep in me that needs to be slept but each time i sleep i don't sleep that sleep

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On a slightly relevant note, I really don't vibe with how some people (on either side of the discourse) reframe the conversation on trans sexual assault statistics as "[it is said that] trans men are most sexually assaulted".
It's nonbinary people. Most specifically, nonbinary people who were assigned female at birth. According to most reports, nonbinariness adds a very prominent factor to victimization rates, not only sexual victimization.
I understand how that conflation happens, people are grouping nonbinary people afab under "transmasculine", but we really should not be doing that.
There's also a less benign explanation, where binary trans people tend to think of nonbinary ones as cis lite, incapable of being properly affected by transphobia.
One of my aunties was hella strict on the boys (not really a thing on that side of the family); if she was scolded by the parent of said boy, it was like an old tape:
She'd grumble, "gotta teach girls to be careful & tell boys to be boys. [[Curses]-- even the devil would blush at] ...them boys shouldn't be running wild & it just ain't right the resta-us gotta pay the price."
She passed a few years ago, and we found out that her late husband was the mother of both of their children.... And to be delicate, her husband was awarded money by the local jail for his troubles.
~
Don't ever forget these are not NEW PROBLEMS!
The easiest thing to do is shame this behaviour & the worst you can do is nothing.
Mutiny McConnell and Grindr Graham back-to-back?
I mean, their average age is deceased, already....?
Lmao, my buddy just sent me a Walter White clip & idk how I didn't catch this before, but Arroyo Negro [his street] basically means "a black gully" ; " this place will flood with poisoned water, when the rain comes"
What a fuckin trip, ey?
I'm always so fascinated by other people's dreams & I think it's fucking stupid that most people roll their eyes when someone says "I had this crazy dream last night!" Because I'm always RAPT immediately.
I wanna know what your brain gossips about, when no one else is looking.
I barely trust someone in their 60s with a fucking desktop computer and we've got 80yo mfkrs running our entire government.

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Fantasy word, but mortals have outrageous names [Rockblast Stonedancer] and the higher beings all have names like Ashley & Steven.
This might be something: companies are buying up flood-plane land...
Like who would want shit that's 2ft below sea level in a place that spits out thousands of gallons of fresh water....? 🙄
If I keep practicing I might even be a person soon
Subtropical 8pm:
And the sun starts to glint at 6am.
Lovely.
THE WEEK May 29, 2026
Love the irony of the DC march being thwarted by climate change and having to sit in a black history museum.

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Rage is such a comforting emotion, imo.
Being perpetually suicidal is really hard when you wanna take some mfkrs with you before you go.
Some fake things that aren't real are low key really importsnt
Like paper with numbers on them.... Like paper... Like numbers... Like society in general?