Desiree.

I’m consistently asked the very annoying and dreaded question “Is he sleeping through the night?”

If I’m honest, I quickly say “yes”, because it’s easier that way... I don’t have to feel like I need to defend my baby boys sleeping habits. That’s right, he’s a baby... and no, he doesn’t always sleep through the night. He has rough nights of sleep, just like you or I, except he’s a baby. I believe it’s developmental. I was doing some research and reading up on babies ‘sleeping through the night’ and it makes sense why they don’t all the time, because they are in ‘lesser’ cycles of deep sleep. One reason that comes to mind is what if their face was positioned in a way that wasn’t safe while sleeping? If they were in such a deep sleep state, they wouldn’t be alert enough to move. It’s that deep sleep that I’m talking about... I feel like they have that reflex when they are little to keep them safe. Anyway, I am writing about this because Aden seems to be going through a sort of sleep regression. He hardly ever naps & if he does I’m either holding him or feeding him, or I place him in his rock n play. Momin’ ain’t easy, that’s for sure... 😫 I also have this app called wonder weeks, and it has been so helpful with predicting his “fussy phases” and when he is going through growth spurts & sleep regressions. I believe ALL of this is developmental. I get discouraged sometimes because I’m apart of these Mom groups and children sleep groups and every child and their sleep habits are SO different, that it can get really discouraging and then I try to “predict” how his sleep is going to be and the it’s just this continuous cycle... ugh. I’m hoping it gets better.

I am learning to love my lines; my lines which are my scars/stretch marks. Below is a picture of my baby boy when he was only 9 days old - laying next to the place he called home for the first 9 months of his development. That in and of itself should be something that I continue to love my body for.

This body was his home. His home looks lived in & no matter how messy I thought and still sometimes think it looks like on the outside... this body formed him and kept him safe.

I have many of these lines on my body & they are not going away anytime soon. Even if I were to lose all of the “baby weight”, the lines are a permanent part of my body now. Screw societies “norms”, my body is beautiful.

“My mother was my first country, the first place I lived.” - Nayyirah Waheed

The month is May - it is mental health month.  I have to continue to remind myself that it is okay to not be okay and that I do not always have to be “put together”.  It does not help to repress the sadness inside just because certain people continue to think just because your problems are in your head means they’re not valid.  I have to continue to remember that they are valid.  They are valid.  

I need to continue to take care of myself and not forget to do things that I enjoy doing and also things that calm me down.

Epsom salt and a nice warm bath has been pretty great in calming my nerves.

Journaling is also something that I do to release and relax my mind.

Acrylic and Water Color painting are fun as well.