*on a date* so. um. i don't watch tv. seen anything weird in your dreams lately?

my friend was testing perfumes out at the store and she sniffed a bottle and anounced "ngl this bitch kind of sucks" The girl at the counter suddenly looked really sad, and my friend was like "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you." And the girl looked up and said "No don't worry, I didn't think that, but I just crushed a ladybug with my shoe" We both took a peak over the counter. she'd stepped on a red m&m

Hey bro would you do me a platonic solid

Sorry, best I can do is a great icosahedron.

Bro. That's. That's a platonic solid, bro.

Nah, that shape fucks.

Find me any other website with interactions like these

i have never been more instantly influenced by media than when i was a kid in middle school or maybe freshman of hs and witnessed that scene in adventure time where finn eats a sandwich and drinks a whole glass of milk or orange juice i forget which and immediately takes a nap on the couch while smiling. i remember pausing the tv, going to the kitchen, fixing myself up with that exact setup and then falling asleep. completely drone-like in its execution. i’ve never been hypnotized like that by anything before or since

its gettin warm in our room & this girl comes in sweatin & goes “im hot as a burger” like it was a saying

oh to be a bored prince who keeps rejecting marriage proposals due to being secretly in love with the cute gardener boy

oh to be a cute gardener boy who secretely places roses in the prince’s room because he is in love with him

Oh to be the palace guard who discreetly helps to boost the cute gardener boy up the wall for his secret deliveries in the middle of the night

Oh to be the prince’s best friend witnessing the two fools dance around each other while knowing damn well that the two like each other.

Oh to be the noble suitor from another royal family who comes to know of their love instantly and plans an entire plan to get them their happy ending

oh to be a medieval peasant who knows nothing about the prince’s personal life and who dies of dysentry at age 23

americans be eating cheesed burger

Oh boy can't wait to see that .gif of Phoebe from Friends saying "It's Christmas Eve Eve!" like 27 times today