"You need to relax"
Best I can do is dissociate
Iām reading a book on biofeedback trainings right now and they talk about this. The words ātryā or āneedā add pressure to stuff. Sometimes switching from āI need to calm downā or āIām trying to slow my breathingā to āIām allowing myself to calm down a little more with each exhaleā or āIām giving myself permission to slow my breathingā can be more helpful. Thereās a difference between ātry to relax the muscleā and āallow the muscle to softenā that is significant enough that for some people it can totally change the outcome of a relaxation exercise.
For other tips and tricks, instead of asking āwhyā you canāt change a thought/feeling (why being an offensive question, meaning it forces you to respond defensively - in this case defending the emotion you donāt like) you can ask āis there any leeway or wiggle room with this feeling/thought/belief for something else?ā Oftentimes we know multiple things at once, and by allowing for a small amount of ambiguity we can start to accept the situation more fully.
