Mostly ambivalent

Peter Parker: -on meeting Loki, offers his hand- Hi, I’m Peter!

Loki: -shakes his hand- Loki of Asgard.

Peter: Aren’t you like…a bad guy?

Loki: It varies from moment to moment.

Peter: So like…on a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst evil imaginable, like…killing puppies, and one being I’ll spit on your hotdog…where are you right now?

Loki: …maybe a three?

Peter: Cool. Lemme know if it gets above a six.

It was hard living around these heroic Avengers, hard trying to stay close to Thor. And when he felt his need for mischief rise too high, when he felt exasperation with these Midgardians turn too close to spite, he would casually say “Six.” to the young man, or sometimes “Seven.”

It took some time before a truly bad day came up.

After a difficult battle, the Captain was being particularly sanctimonious, his team following suit. Even Stark made biting comments.

Loki could scream.

“Spider-man,” he said as calmly as he could. The young man glanced up, having been tying up some of their enemies a few yards away.

“Seven.”

“… okay, guys, I’m going to head out with Loki for the rest of the day. Don’t need us for debrief, yeah?”

“Sure,” Stark shrugged, glancing between the two of them oddly. Loki wasn’t entirely sure what the plan was. They went in civilian clothes to a small café.

“I wasn’t paying attention, so whatever was said, I don’t agree,” Peter began. “But that’s not what I’m here for. So. When you teleport, how does that work? Is it harder with longer distances? Or is knowledge of the place more helpful?” Loki blinked, but explained. It led to a discussion of magical theory. Peter (Loki still called him Parker aloud, but the child and even his young friends grew on him in time) was eager and curious, comparing what he knew from Strange and fantasy books to Loki’s knowledge. It was admittedly fascinating to see how many versions of sorcery humans had created by mere imagination. He was definitely amused by the elves and dwarves of Lord of the Rings.

Sometimes Peter tentatively asked about Strange and Maximoff, if they were doing similar things. Never if Loki was at an 8 or above though.

“Strange is like a child prodigy. He’s good, picks the practical parts up well. He even got the jump on me - but he has not had as much time to study as me. He’s a student where I am a master. Maximoff is incredibly powerful and incredibly lucky, but she does not have much training at all.” Sometimes conversation turned to music, animals, current events.

Peter was good. It was odd, how Loki became so sure of the fact so quickly.

After the conversations, often accompanied with food or a walk, he was always down to a 3 or so. Which made Peter an important person.

So the next time Peter was in trouble and the Avengers were indisposed, Loki was not the least bit surprised that he was not the only one ready to tear someone apart for the kid. Two men in red - one with horns, one with guns and swords - a young girl with cat-shaped blasters on her hands, and the Captain’s assassin friend. Loki curled his lips and muttered:

It was just after noon on a Saturday when Loki got a text from Peter, all it said was 

‘8, I’m at home′

Peter had never used their number system for himself before.

Loki had promised the boy’s aunt he would not teleport into their home and while he’d had every intention of honouring that promise, this was definitely an exception.

When Loki materialized in Peter’s room, his friend was pacing, angry and red-faced. Loki had never seen Peter furious before.

Peter began shouting when he saw Loki, ‘Men are scum! Irredeemable, horrible, crappy, scummy scum!’

‘Thank you for telling me, Peter.’ Loki said, sitting down on Peter’s bed. ‘Any particular men inspiring this diatribe?’

Peter grabbed a pillow off his bed and screamed into it, ‘There’s a guy at Aunt May’s work who’s harassing her and she says I need to stay out of it and let Human Resources do their jobs and he’s a creep and he’s making May feel creeped out and… I don’t know what to do.’

Loki blinked. Of all the people Peter could have gone to, he had chose Loki.

‘Thank you, for telling me this. Although I’m not sure how I can be of help.’

Peter flopped down onto the bed next to Loki, ‘You’re my friend and you’re an adult. And I wasn’t sure who else to talk to.’

Loki flopped back next to Peter, it seemed appropriate. ‘If Human Resources doesn’t sort this out to your satisfaction, I can turn this person into a goat.’

Peter giggled, ‘An ugly, stupid goat?’

Peter stood in the threshold of Loki’s quarters, both hands gripping the one arm of his backpack, twisting the padded nylon anxiously. The god of mischief hadn’t been responding to his texts for days, and finally he had pestered Thor into clueing him in.

Loki sat on the floor of his quarters, his pale skin marred by his bloodshot eyes rimmed red. A pile of books circled him, a moat of words keeping others at bay. He refused to look up at Peter, so the teenager squatted down in front of him.

“I know—you’re sad,” Peter said simply.

Loki snorted. “Sad. I am not sad; sad is a weak excuse of an emotion, a school child distraught in a moment’s inconvenience. Sad is—“

“—my parents are dead too, y’know,” Peter cut in. This made the Asgardian look up finally. “Or, maybe you don’t, I guess I don’t talk about it much. They died when I was young.”

Loki seemed caught off guard by the admission. “I… did not know that,” he said. “I suppose I never did ask.”

Peter sat down properly, bringing his knees up and looping his arms loosely around them, mirroring Loki’s position. “I don’t have a lot of memories of my parents. Not, like, specific ones—they all sort of blob together into this big hazy warm fuzzy feeling. But I remember once, when I was real sick, like, vomiting pea soup like the Exorcist sick, my Mom stayed home from work for three days to take care of me. She let me watch Alien for the first time, but I had to promise not to tell Dad, cause he thought I’d be too scared.” Peter let his chin rest on one of his knees, his gaze becoming unfocused and a hint of a melancholy smile gracing his lips. “She’s why I like movies so much, she loved ‘em.”

There was a moment of silence, though not an unpleasant one. Loki slowly unfolded his limbs, sitting cross legged and relaxing his shoulders. “My mother taught me my magic,” he finally said softly. “She tried to teach me her patience, but, alas, it didn’t take.”

Peter’s smile grew warmer. “Did she do that Mom voice whenever she caught you playing tricks on Thor, that whole ‘Ohh, Loki!’ in a totally not surprised, wants to be disappointed but is actually pretty entertained by it sort of way?”

I am an ER nurse and this is the best description of this event that I have ever heard. 

 FEMALE HEART ATTACKS 

 I was aware that female heart attacks are different, but this is description is so incredibly visceral that I feel like I have an entire new understanding of what it feels like to be living the symptoms on the inside. Women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men have… you know, the sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest & dropping to the floor the we see in movies. Here is the story of one woman’s experience with a heart attack: 

 "I had a heart attack at about 10:30 PM with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would suspect might have brought it on. I was sitting all snugly & warm on a cold evening, with my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had sent me, and actually thinking, ‘A-A-h, this is the life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up. A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when you’ve been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel like you’ve swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn’t have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down to the stomach. This was my initial sensation–the only trouble was that I hadn’t taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m. 

After it seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was probably my aorta spasms), gaining speed as they continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses rhythmically when administering CPR). This fascinating process continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws. ‘AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening – we all have read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals of an MI happening, haven’t we? I said aloud to myself and the cat, Dear God, I think I’m having a heart attack! I lowered the foot rest dumping the cat from my lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I thought to myself, If this is a heart attack, I shouldn’t be walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere else… but, on the other hand, if I don’t, nobody will know that I need help, and if I wait any longer I may not be able to get up in a moment. 

I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into the next room and dialed the Paramedics… I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn’t feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts. She said she was sending the Paramedics over immediately, asked if the front door was near to me, and if so, to un-bolt the door and then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came in. I unlocked the door and then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost consciousness, as I don’t remember the medics coming in, their examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their ambulance, or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the way, but I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the radiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like ‘Have you taken any medications?’) but I couldn’t make my mind interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off again, not waking up until the Cardiologist and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my heart where they installed 2 side by side stints to hold open my right coronary artery. 

I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both the fire station and St Jude are only minutes away from my home, and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents. Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail? Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know what I learned first hand. 

1. Be aware that something very different is happening in your body, not the usual men’s symptoms but inexplicable things happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act). It is said that many more women than men die of their first (and last) MI because they didn’t know they were having one and commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other anti-heartburn preparation and go to bed, hoping they’ll feel better in the morning when they wake up… which doesn’t happen. My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine, so I advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly happening that you’ve not felt before. It is better to have a ‘false alarm’ visitation than to risk your life guessing what it might be! 2. Note that I said ‘Call the Paramedics.’ And if you can take an aspirin. Ladies, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER - you are a hazard to others on the road. Do NOT have your panicked husband who will be speeding and looking anxiously at what’s happening with you instead of the road. Do NOT call your doctor – he doesn’t know where you live and if it’s at night you won’t reach him anyway, and if it’s daytime, his assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the Paramedics. He doesn’t carry the equipment in his car that you need to be saved! The Paramedics do, principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later. 3. Don’t assume it couldn’t be a heart attack because you have a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI (unless it’s unbelievably high and/or accompanied by high blood pressure). MIs are usually caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body, which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge things up in there. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let’s be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive to tell the tale.“

I don’t know why ya’ll keep trying to play this game, but fine, let’s play:

From left to right

Jasmine- Got tired of her palace life and took control by disguising herself and running away to spend a day in the markets. Openly expressed her contempt for the idea being married off without her consent. Was initially disinterested in Aladdin because she thought he was just another arrogant prince. Fell in love with him for his heart to the point that his pauper origins didn’t matter to her.

Rapunzel- Wanted celebrate to her birthday by not being imprisoned for once, nothing to do with a man. In fact when a man broke into her home she swiftly knocked him out and tied him up. That man ended up loving her so much he was willing to die for her and her passionate love brought him back to life.

Snow White- Was a young girl being chased around by crazy old lady who was angry that she was pretty. Ended up negotiating her safety with some dwarves by offering her services as a cook and housekeeper in exchange for room and board. Was only “waiting“ for a man in that she was literally unconscious after being poisoned by a witch and a kiss was the only thing they could save her.

Mulan- Are you fucking serious? What about her story is her waiting for a man to save her? She literally saved her father, her love interest, and then her whole damn country. You could not have watched two seconds of that film and come away thinking she was waiting for man to save her.

Aurora- She was a 16-year-old girl forced to live in seclusion her whole life. Sue her for daydreaming a bit about romance. She still showed kindness to animals and loved her adoptive caregivers and was fairly content with her life. Definitely not pining away for a man every second.

Cinderella- Cinderella probably gets the the worst of being dragged through the mud by Edgy™ feminists trying to make a point. Literally she never asked for a prince to save her. She didn’t even really complain much about being forced into slavery by her evil family. She just wanted one damn night off and meeting the prince was ancillary. And in fact the person who first shows her kindness and empowers her to achieve her goals is another woman.

Pocahontas- Again now you’re just making shit up. She was not waiting for prince, in fact she was bored at the prospect of living an ordinary home life and disinterested in marrying the handsome warrior her father had set up for her. She ends up striking up a friendship with someone her entire tribe hates and distrusts, up to and including saving HIM from being murdered.

Tiana- You are not ABOUT to do my girl Tiana dirty like this. She worked her ass off to achieve her dream of being an independent restaurant owner, something practically unheard of for a young black woman in the 20s. Romance was the absolute LAST thing on her mind and again, her actions were fundamental in saving the life of the prince.

Belle- Again, she wasn’t interested in the big strong handsome man that everyone was saying she should be interested in. Because she saw past looks and recognized that he was a sexist and generally unpleasant person. It was her willingness to see past the exterior that saved Prince Adam.

Ariel- She wanted to be a human before she knew about Eric. She saved him from drowning. She defied her father the KING in a fight for her own independence. But sure she was waiting around for man.

Merida- Merida didn’t even have a love interest and the entire film was built around a rejection of that premise. This one is barely worth the time to acknowledge.