Resolution

Surely, Kosmo had his fair share of vampires who’d turned their humanities off. He’d learned about them as a kid, talked to his sisters about them, the statistics of their power and threat-level. He’d fought them many times. Killed them, too, whenever he had to defend others’ lives, or his own for that part. But none of them had ever been someone he’d known before. None of them were someone he’d had such a close connection with. He didn’t know what to do, or think, or feel. His shadowhunter training was telling him to brace himself for any sudden outburst, since, should this vampire feel a quick little urge to feed, he wouldn’t even think twice about making Kosmo his prey. That was also why Kai was so nonchalant and brave with his kisses and touches before. He couldn’t care less, could he? Kosmo could’ve been any other person, and it would’ve been the same. “I have a lot more than that in here that I would like to say–” He said, almost hissed, feeling bad for having anger rise in him. He would never be mad at Kai. And here he was, contemplating if the person in front of him was still even Kai or not. He had so many thoughts, and none of them could he properly put into a sentence. He couldn’t even trust this vampire. Could he now? Kosmo listened to Kai explain the reason behind him turning his humanity off, and he was ready to jump in and interrupt him with a ‘you should’ve come to me!’, but Kai spoke first. One of his hands came up out of the water his eyes squeezed shut, almost in childish disbelief. “No me vengas con tus pendejadas!” He let out a sigh after mumbling on some more swear words in spanish, his hand moving down again and splashing some of the water out in annoyance. “So what? I can handle myself! You’re not alone in this shit, Kai, what the fuck were you thinking?! I could’ve helped! Ay, mierda–” He clasped his hands over his face as he was starting to get lightheaded from the hot air around him, having to wet his skin a little before he pushed his hair back,t aking a deep breath. “You’re going to turn it back on, idiot.” 

Kai  could  have  at  any  point  decided  to  feed  on  Kosmo.  However  he  was  still  a  creature  of  choice  even  if  he  was  lacking  in  the  emotions  department  he  still  had  the  memories  and  understanding  that  Kai  had.  Doing  so  would  mean  his  humanity  would  take  longer  to  come  back.  The  guilt  being  too  much  for  them.  It  would  seem  odd  for  him  to  be  considerate  in  a  mind  that  no  longer  has  cares  but  external  influences  and  his  desire  to  get  back  on  the  guy  that  caused  him  so  much  pain  and  fear.  His  desire  for  revenge  outweighed  a  lot  of  his  other  desires.  Without  emotions  boredom  was  very  much  a  thing.  This  was  one  way  to  cure  it.  Could  have  been  anyone  and  even  though  nothing  was  happening  here.  He  would  find  someone  else  that  would  let  him  have  that  kind  of  fun.  Didn’t  really  matter  who.  “And  I  am  sure  you  are  about  to  say  them  anyway.  So  go  on,”  he  replied  back  moving  his  hand  in  a  way  to  signal  ‘go  on’.  He  still  didn’t  move  when  he  swore  out  at  him  in  Spanish.  By  now  Kosmo  was  probably  already  looking  at  him  in  a  different  light.  To  keep  himself  safe  he  needed  to  not  act  out.  Though  he  did  wonder  how  much  his  personal  feeling  towards  him  would  cloud  those  instincts.  Not  that  he  wanted  to  test  them.  Just  a  curious  thought.  “Not  really  what  I  was  thinking  about  when  lying  in  pain  and  been  drained  almost  to  death.  I  was  suffocated  by  fear  and  pain.  I  wanted  that  to  go  away.  To  no  longer  be  bound  by  that  fear  and  the  person  that  causes  it.  So  here  I  am  without  humanity,”  he  explained.  This  wasn’t  fun  and  games  for  him  to  do  such  an  action.  He  gave  a  dry  laugh  and  shook  his  head.  “My  humanity  has  to  want  to  come  back  first.  In  the  state  they  are  in  there  is  little  I  can  do  to  bring  that  back,”  which  was  the  truth.  His  humanity  was  broken.  Their  will  to  exist  almost  burnt  out.  Kosmo  could  stir  them,  maybe  but  that  would  do  nobody  any  good.  He  wouldn’t  be  functional  and  probably  wouldn’t  be  long  until  he  switched  it  off  again.  Even  when  he  has  done  what  he  needs  to  and  they  feel  safe  enough  to  come  back  there  was  a  long  road  ahead  of  them  to  deal  with  everything  that  has  happened.  No  doubt  more  PTSD  episodes.

So another ex of his was here. There were a lot of questions and he wasn’t sure if this version of Kai would be willing to answer them. He hated what he was seeing this was not the Kai he was used to. The one that told him stories of how it took him a while to be able to use needles with animals because he didn’t want to harm them. The one that enjoyed dancing and loved to laugh. The one that loved listening to him playing the guitar. He was still in there somewhere. Damien had to remember that. Damien shook his head at Kai’s initial response and was about to elaborate and then he spoke again. ❝ I don’t want the too long didn’t listen, I want to know the whole thing, ❞ a vampire with no humanity was capable of anything. This version of Kai’s revenge may be something his human side may forever regret and feel in pain because of it. He also would love to meet his sire and rip out his throat but he wouldn’t say that out loud. The murderous thought was quickly sent away when Kai spoke again. ❝ No they aren’t. They aren’t keen on a lot of things, most are bullshit,❞ he always hated their holier art thou attitude. As did their pack and they obeyed the rules but that did not stop a council member trying to take advantage of them.

Kai  could  see  Damien’s  reaction  to  him  being  as  he  was.  Though  not  verbal  he  could  see  his  discomfort.  Hard  not  to  miss  such  details  with  his  vision.  He  remembered  the  first  nights  after  the  transition  wishing  he  was  back  with  him,  but  the  thirst  the  constant  plaguing  thirst  made  him  scared  of  what  he  would  do  to  Damien.  Little  did  he  know  Damien  actually  was  a  part  of  this  world.  Instead  Kai  just  stayed  in  the  room  he  was  given  by  the  coven  and  was  given  blood  packs  regularly.  “Okay  well  you’re  going  to  want  to  either  lean  on  a  tree  or  sit.  A  lot  has  happened  since  we  last  spoke,”  he  sighed.  “I  was  attacked  not  long  after  I  left  the  dance  studio  on  my  way  back  to  the  cottage.  It  happened  quickly  but  my  mind  still  remembers  all  the  vivid  details.  I  struggled  against  them.  Which  was  my  biggest  mistake  because  in  my  struggle  I  got  some  of  their  blood  in  me  before  they  drained  me  and  buried  me,”  he  decided  to  leave  out  the  vivid  details  in  which  he   had  nightmares  about.  The  twisting  of  emotions  from  not  wanting  it  to  all  of  a  sudden  desiring  Matthew  to  drink  his  blood.  Even  through  the  pain  the  man  caused  him.  “I  was  lucky  that  a  nearby  coven  was  on  patrols  and  picked  up  my  scent  when  I  came  out  of  the  ground.  Fucking  confused  and  had  a  thirst  like  nothing  I  had  ever  experienced  and  not  one  that  a  caramel  macchiato  can  cure,”  three  times  he  has  experienced  that  thirst  and  twice  because  of  him.  

TRAGIC AS THE STORY WAS ,  kai’s explanation  did  tickle a smirk out of her. it seemed like he had ample reason to be  pissed  —  and she could appreciate the decision to  do something  about it rather than be a doormat to whoever screwed him over.  “ everybody else needs to readjust their priorities, then. if they’ve got a problem with you stepping up to defend yourself, that’s on  them . ”  and as long as he remained  well-behaved  to everyone else, darcy was surely the last person to take issue with a little good-natured  revenge .  ( especially when it came with magical  challenges  to herself. )  the witch briefly skipped through her stack of notebooks on the counter, but they weren’t what she was looking for,  topic-wise  —  she clicked her tongue in annoyance, though none of that was directed at the vampire when she spoke next.  “ everything’s  possible ,  hypothetically, if you can figure out how it works. ”  she let her  simpler  notes be and waved for kai to follow her into the living room, where she perused the shelves upon shelves of varying grimoires, lips pursed in consideration.  “ i’m sure it’s been done before, almost  anything  has ;  i just don’t know if i have a ready-made spell  here .  but i’m pretty confident i can come up with something. ”  a few books selected and stacked into her arms, darcy turned to the low coffee table and spread them out.  “ the  veritas  part of the potion is easy enough, actually, although getting the ingredients might me a bit  …  problematic .  the trouble is making the thing  painful  but not  deadly . ”  at a snap of her fingers, a fresh notebook fell open before her as the witch glanced back at kai.  “ depends  who  you’re targeting  —  species, age, allergies, all that bull. ”  the sentence implied a question ;  and while it was true enough that she needed more  data  for the specifics of the spell, getting a better idea of the person kai wanted to target would give her enough information to judge the potential  long-term  effects on the realm this might have. if  none  of significance, she didn’t see any reason not to help  —  and she  would  so enjoy the opportunity.

“Some  don’t  like  the  new  direction  I  am  taking  to  get  there,  but  there  is  no  way  my  humanity  would  be  able  to  do  something  like  this,”  though  perhaps  they  can  learn  some  lessons.  “I  don’t  want  to  kill,  and  there  is  only  one  specific  person  I  wish  to  harm  and  he  harmed  me  first  so  it’s  not  as  if  I  can  do  a  whole  load  of  damage  especially  with  the  Fae  guards  on  high  alert,”  he  wasn’t  stupid  or  suicidal.    He  just  wasn’t  as  sweet  and  kind  as  he  used  to  be.  The  traits  not  linked  to  emotions  were  still  there.  His  stubborn  nature  mostly.  He  watched  Darcy  move  about  the  kitchen.  He  did  wonder  what  it  was  like  being  someone  that  can  use  magic.  He  wondered  that  a  lot  since  he  found  out  witches  and  warlocks  were  a  thing.  He  was  grateful  she  didn’t  throw  him  out  once  revealing  he  had  turned  off  his  humanity.  He  had  no  desire  to  harm  her  and  he  was  still  getting  fed  off  Vala  so  there  was  no  need  to  feed.  It  wasn’t  just  his  thirst  that  drove  him.  He  found  that  out  quickly  enough.  He  listened  to  her  words  when  she  spoke.  He  nodded  in  acknowledgement  and  smirked  at  the  potential  that  his  potion  could  very  well  be  created.  As  she  summoned  him  Kai  followed  through  and  leaned  on  the  door  frame.  Kai  listened  to  her  further  explain  how  anything  was  possible.  First  thing  came  to  mind  was  necromancy.  Which  made  his  thoughts  go  into  how  him  being  alive  when  he  was  killed  was  some  kind  of  advanced  necromancy?  Fuck  knows  and  to  be  honest  it  wasn’t  really  important.  “As  much  as  I  hate  the  guy  I  don’t  want  him  to  die,”  he  has  a  kid  for  one  thing  and  his  humanity  could  not  deal  with  that.  As  she  asked  about  the  target  he  paused  for  a  moment.  He  doubted  she  would  go  after  him  herself.  “Matthew,  my  sire,”  he  told  her.  “No  idea  his  age  or  allergies  for  that  matter.  Not  something  I  casually  ask  to  someone  I  despise,”  he  shrugged.  “Not  sure  if  allergies  are  still  a  thing  once  we  transition  to  being  blood  sucking  beings,”  he  mused  out.  

Young was starting to get the feeling he was right in this. Matthew was the one that was behind Kai’s actions to switch off his humanity. Though from his recent interaction with him seemed like he couldn’t care for the kid at all. Young would like to know what happened and could compel Kai to tell him but he felt that was very much overkill and that would only break the trust that he was trying to build. ❝ Okay I won’t, ❞ he agreed. Kai might be playing this cautiously. Which was the right way to go about it. He would want Kai to get his own back against who ever caused him to take such a drastic action. Young knew if it were him he would as well.

❝ Who knows, ❞ he replied back but there was no point in looking back at what could have been when there was not way to go back in time. ❝ At a cost, but I guess it would be after having such a rough transition, ❞ he agreed. So a few people to watch out for. He would keep his promise as much as he can spare some time. Everyone would been keeping an eye out on each other anyway during this time. ❝ I’ve gone through it. A few times now, I know switching it off is not something you do easily or for fun, ❞ though those that do usually don’t have much humanity in them in the first place. ❝ I am going to keep you curious, ❞ he smiled cheekily. ❝ No backing out though if you do decide to meet me, ❞ he added. Adrenaline rushes might be the way to keep the kid sane and less murder happy.

He  knew  Young  could  look  after  himself.  It  was  more  the  consequence  of  what  would  happen  should  he  start  poking  about.  There  was  a  lot  he  didn’t  know  about  Matthew  and  in  the  unknown  lurked  dangers  that  he  should  know  about  before  engaging  him.  He  just  wondered  if  others  would  have  the  patience  to  let  him  figure  that  out  before  missing  the  old  him  and  try  to  get  him  back.  He  had  to  play  this  close  to  his  chest  and  only  let  those  know  who  need  to  know.  The  ones  that  are  not  likely  to  go  running  to  him  or  try  their  own  thing.  “I’ll  let  you  know  the  answers  as  soon  as  I  am  ready,”  not  mentally  as  in  there  was  an  almost  foolproof  plan  in  place.  

“A  cost  that  was  forced  on  me,  but  yeah,”  he  reminded  him.  Not  like  his  humanity  would  do  much  good  in  this  environment.  What  was  he  going  to  do.  Console  everyone  and  live  in  fear?  He  wouldn’t  be  happy  that  was  for  sure.  So  why  not  be  nothing  for  a  while.  “It  wasn’t  for  fun,  no.  I  was  in  agony  and  suffocating  fear.  The  kind  that  breaks  minds,”  so  it  was  only  natural  for  him  to  step  out.  So  he  can  live  and  eventually  be  free  of  that  fear  that  felt  so  suffocating.  To  feel  safe.  “Good  move,”  he  smirked.  “Alright  I’m  in,”  not  like  the  original  was  planning  to  kill  him.

The  newborn  vampire  was  right,  so  ironically  right.  It  made  Ace  laugh.  “Yeah…  No  fucking  way,  we  don’t  have  our  shit  together,  no  matter  how  old  we  are.  Oh  –  but  we  love  to  pretend,  and  we  love  to  display  our  power,”  well,  sure,  just  like  mundanes  there  were  different  types  of  people,  but  this  was  one  thing  each  species  had  in  common;  thinking  they  were  superior  over  anyone  else.  Getting  rid  of  shoes  and  pants  as  well  in  no  time,  Ace  really  had  practice  in  losing  his  clothes  fast.  It  might  had  to  do  with  some  drinking  games  and  parties.  Ah.  How  much  did  he  miss  parties.  Once  he  knew  more  people  here,  he  would  definitely  throw  one.  “I  can  assure  you,  there  is  nothing  easier  than  get  me  to  undress,”  unlike  other  people,  Ace  did  not  feel  vulnerable  when  he  was  naked.  He  felt…  himself.  And  just  like  that  in  a  span  of  a  few  seconds  Ace  was  completely  naked,  observing  the  other  while  he  did  the  same.  “I  gotta  say,  you  got  convinced  pretty  easily  as  well.”

Kai  scoffed  and  gave  a  dry  laugh.  “Yeah  I’ve  noticed  that  too,”  seemed  to  be  a  popular  trait  in  those  that  had  power.  Using  that  power  to  strike  fear  into  those  that  just  wanted  to  get  on  with  their  lives.  He  was  no  threat  to  anyone.  Still  is  but  now  he  has  a  reason  to  strike  back.  A  reason  to  bite  back.  He  followed  suit  taking  off  his  own  clothes.  “Good  to  know,”  he  smirked.  He  wasn’t  the  type  normally.  In  fact  his  humanity  side  wouldn’t  dream  of  doing  anything  remotely  like  this.  The  thought  almost  made  him  laugh.  He  had  such  a  sheltered  life  and  very  limited  life  experience.  Yet  thrown  into  the  deep  end  of  this  world.  There  was  no  way  he  was  going  to  sink  anymore.  “Not  going  to  lie  if  it  sounds  fun  and  doesn’t  involve  hurting  anyone  else.  I’m  pretty  much  down  for  anything,”  oh  but  there  would  be  some  amusing  consequences  to  this.  “Life  changing  event  changed  my  perspective  on  things,”  he  added  as  he  got  closer  to  the  werwolf  and  admired  him.  “Show  me  what  kind  of  action  you’d  like,”  he  looked  at  him  mischievously.

At  the  comment  of  the  whole  world  being  fucked  ace  could  only  chuckle. “was  this  your  expectation?  the  shadow  world  being  any  better?”  taking  a  swig  from  the  bottle,  before  continuing. “i’ve  seen  so  much  of  both  worlds,  been  everywhere  —  you  can  only  make  the  best  of  it  actually.”  seems  like  he  had  come  to  the  realization  of  such. But  this  conversation  did  seem  to  turn  into  some  sort  of  melancholic  dwelling  and  a  new  self-pity  orgy  —  anything  but  that. By  the  end  of  the  bottle,  this  should  better  turn  out  to  be  some  fun  or  ace  would  piss  off  and  rather  go  to  sleep  than  white  and  complain. But  then…  well,  it  did  look  like  a  few  things  were  about  to  change  right  this  second. He  smirked,  “if  you  want  a  private  show,  all  you  gotta  do  is  ask,”  he  told  the  other,  not  really  waiting  for  an  invite  but  he  got  up,  having  his  shirt  off  in  a  second. “what  about  you?  are  you  going  to  join  me?”

“Honestly  I  had  none.  Until  maybe  three  months  ago  I  thought  only  vampires  existed  and  about  four  months  before  that  I  had  no  fucking  clue  anything  other  than  mundanes  existed.  Though  I  did  think  that  if  beings  can  live  thousands  of  fucking  years  they  would  have  their  shit  together  more.  This  place  definitely  disproves  that,”  he  shrugged.  Not  that  it  mattered  if  they  had  it  together  or  not.  It  had  nothing  to  do  with  what  he  wanted.  He  was  just  bidding  time  right  now  and    finding  the  right  company  to  do  so  with.  He  was  about  to  comment  then  Ace  started  stripping  with  made  him  raise  his  brow  in  an  impressed  manner.  “If  I  knew  it  was  going  to  be  that  easy  I  would  have  cut  straight  to  it,”  he  replied.  As  he  asked  him  Kai  chuckled  he  did  like  what  he  was  seeing.  “Well  I  was  going  to  watch  and  admire,  but  then  I  guess  I  should  join  in  on  the  fun  too,”  he  said  as  he  pulled  the  t-shirt  over  his  head.

THE QUICK ADMISSION GAVE HER PAUSE MOMENTARILY  but after a second of worry, darcy merely tilted her head and shrugged it off. if he’d wanted to  hurt  her, he’d have tried already  —  but the young vampire seemed chill enough to discount  that  possibility, and beyond it, darcy had little problem with the change.  “ good for you, ”  she commented with raised eyebrows, but a small smirk.  ( if only it were  that easy  for the sorry rest of them, too  —  it would certainly ease her own recurring worries she slowly grew tired to  repress . )  despite the general support, though, she kept on her guard  —  the least  this realm currently needed was more trouble for cirilla, and as much as she enjoyed some  chaos ,  she’d appreciate kai not to make things  worse .  “ how come, though? and what, pray tell, are you trying to  achieve  with that? ”

“You  and  Young  are  so  far  the  only  ones  that  haven’t  reacted  negatively  over  me  doing  that,”  he  commented.  He  was  getting  rather  annoyed  by  it. Vala  did  come. to accept  it  after  some  explanation.  Sure  everyone  has  a  choice  but  they  would  not  have  liked  what  the  other  choice  was  either.  There  were  a  lot  of  external  limiters  anyway  on  what  he  can  actually  do.  There  was  also  the  fact  he  was  planning  on  getting  his  humanity  back.  Being  stuck  in  here  bored,  constantly  being  watched  wasn’t  fun.  “I  was  pushed  to  this  point.  The  long  story  short  is  someone  has  been  tormenting  me  since  I  got  here  and  after  the  ball  they  attacked  me.  I’ve  simply  had  enough”  He  shrugged  well  it  was  even  before  then  Matthew  turned  him.  “What  I  want  to  achieve  is  blood  for  blood  and  them  to  leave  me  and  who  I  cared  about  the  fuck  alone,”  he  told  her.  “Which  means  I  have  to  be  well  behaved  to  a  point  until  I  figure  out  a  way  of  doing  that,”  he  added.  He  was  not  an  idiot.  “Which  is  why  I  came  to  you,  is  it  possible  to  create  a  truth  portion  that  hurts  to  resist?”  He  asked.  He  didn't  know  the  limitations  of  magic  or  potions  so  best  to  ask  an  expert.  He  remembered  Darcy  telling  him  he  could  ask  for  help  should  he  need  it.  Which  he  did.  He  definitely  did.

THE PROMPT  ( AND CONCERNING )  ANSWER  had her eyebrows shooting up, but camilla kept up her friendly smile, not wanting to unsettle him. the ease, the lack of his previous anxieties  …  such things weren’t simply  baggage to dump  easily, at least not in her experience.  certainly he couldn’t mean … ?  her expression shifted into a slight frown.  “ getting a little  antsy ,  with everything that’s happening and nowhere to  go ,  but otherwise as alright as you can be, currently, ”  she answered him, coming closer to take a better look at his posture ;  there wasn’t much else she could discern that could  ease  her concerns, so stopped a few feet away and shrugged.  “ not much more to do but wait and see, i suppose. ”  better to simply ask directly instead of considering the  what-if’s ,  but there was a hint of worry in her voice when she continued:  “ so what exactly  do  you plan to  get done ,  now? ”

Was  it  so  obvious?  Kai  could  notice  the  demon’s  shift  from  friendly  to  concerned  and  it  was  rather  quick  as  well.  Though  it  was  almost  as  if  she  hadn’t  quite  confirmed  it  within  herself.  So  what  kind  of  reaction  was  this  going  to  be?  Angry  at  him  for  turning  it  off  not  even  caring  as  to  why  he  would  do  so  in  the  first  place  (which  seemed  to  be  the  majority  of  reactions  truth  be  told)  or  at  least  content  to  leave  it  be.  With  everything  going  on.  Well  yeah  they  were  in  the  middle  of  a  shitshow  and  that  was  putting  it  lightly.  He  honestly  had  his  own  thing  going  on  and  the  whole  lack  of  humanity  couldn’t  bring  him  to  actually  care.  “It’s  a  shitshow  for  sure,”  he  sighed.  It  was  making  things  harder  for  him  as  well  but  then  that  wouldn’t  deter  him.  His  humanity  needed  time  to  recover  from  the  attack  anyway  so  it  was  up  to  him  to  be  functional.  If  he  can  get  Matthew  to  feel  his  pain  and  confess  that  he  will  never  harm  him  or  those  close  to  him  he  can  maybe  get  his  humanity  to  come  back  and  deal  with  the  rest  of  what  was  going  on.  “I  think  you  have  guessed  something’s  different.  Someone  has  pushed  me  over  the  edge  and  I  want  as  the  fae  put  it  ‘blood  for  blood’”  he  told  her.  No  point  in  hiding  it  really.

— vala sighed, “ i know. ” she replied, looking up at him. she knew that if he didn’t have to deal with his sire, things would have been better. she wished that that was how things were. she just wanted him to be happy. she snorted, when he said it was literal in his case, nodding along as he explained what he wanted. “ they deserve it. ” she personally thought they deserved worse, but she didn’t voice that. it wasn’t her vengeance to take, and how kai went about it was his decision.

   “ i’ll protect you and your friends. not much damage a vampire i don’t want near me can do. same for if war breaks out, i’d protect you, ” she replied. part of the reason she didn’t have any qualms about allowing him to drink from her. she grinned, “ sounds like the best type of truth potion, ” she giggled. she hummed, “ well let me know if you want me there for anything. ” she hoped that this wouldn’t turn around on him, especially if he ended up going alone. but at least he couldn’t die right now. she’d just be there after, if things didn’t go as planned. “ and suffer they shall. ”

   “ doesn’t excuse it. i have never claimed to be good, but at least when i torment someone, it’s because i actually have a reason, ” she grumbled. even if the reason wasn’t really the best reason. she knew that not everyone was like that though. she knew that. and normally, she didn’t care. but kai’s sire was hurting her friend. she nodded, when he asked to feed, lifting a hand to move her hair out of the way. “ yes, go ahead, ” she said, shifting her position so it would be easier for him. 

He  wouldn’t  sink  completely  to  his  level.  He  could  do  much  worse  he  knew  how  to  as  well  but  his  humanity  wouldn’t  be  able  to  face  it.  He  had  to  operate  in  the  boundaries  or  there  was  no  getting  it  back  and  he  would  be  stuck  in  this  place  bored  out  of  his  mind  while  stuff  goes  on  around  him  that  he  himself  couldn’t  care  about.  Not  while  news  of  his  lack  of  humanity  was  spreading  and  more  eyes  were  starting  to  look  at  him.  “Yeah,  they  do,”  he  commented.  He  had  a  good  life,  he  was  happy  in  that  life  and  Matthew  robbed  him  of  that.  Didn’t  matter  the  reason.  There  was  no  point  in  wallowing  in  missed  opportunities  but  he  would  get  him  for  turning  him  the  way  he  did  and  for  the  draining.  

He  didn’t  know  much  about  Matthew  truth  be  told  he  only  just  figured  out  he  was  a  father.  He  just  sensed  danger  every  time  he  was  around  him.  But  Vala  was  strong  and  could  if  need  be  change  into  a  fire  breathing  dragon.  She  did  have  that  going  for  her.  More  than  he  could  say  for  himself.  HIs  skills  were  dancing  and  veterinary  medicine.  He  should  really  learn  how  to  defend  himself.  Something  to  consider  asking  Kosmo  when  this  was  over.  If  Kosmo  could  face  him  that  was.  “I  think  so  too,”  he  smirked.  If  he  didn’t  resist  he  would  be  fine  he  would  only  have  himself  to  blame  if  he  does  resist  the  effects.  “I’m  still  figuring  things  out.  Some  parts  come  easily  like  what  to  do,  but  the  actual  execution  is  not  going  to  be  easy  I  think,”  he  confessed.  

“Their  reason  was  because  I  blurted  out  they  were  my  maker  to  the  partner  they  have  a  child  with.  A  good  friend  of  mine,”  would  she  be  on  Matthew’s  side  or  his.  Hard  to  go  against  the  father  of  your  own  child.  He  was  not  ready  to  approach  her  yet  either.  Olivia  would  not  take  this  well  at  all  and  he  didn’t  want  or  need  that  right  now.  His  first  priority  was  getting  those  his  humanity  cared  about  protected.  Powerful  allies  so  that  if  the  plan  fell  through  it  was  not  going  to  go  against  those  he  cared  about.  That  if  death  becomes  a  thing  and  it  ends  up  that  he  dies  from  this  that  he’ll  be  avenged.  “Thanks,”  he  drew  his  fangs  and  bit  into  Vala  his  body  thankful  for  the  blood.

It was all going so well. Too well. And Kosmo knew his luck wasn’t exactly the best lately. And he was proven right, just after that last stolen little kiss. Kosmo’s hands were sliding down the vampire’s chest, feeling each and every bump of muscle up as he lsitened to his speak. He hummed softly, indicating that he was still there, although barely, as his thoughts wanted to take the two of them much, much further, but it those images were soon cut short. His expression changed, almost in slow motion, and every little emotion could be seen on his face. Surprise, confusion, betrayal, anger, sadness. It was all there. “Es…pera, ‘pera, ‘pera–” He said quickly, slowly leaning away from the other, his eyebrows knitted together. “Wh– you switched your humanity off?” How? When? Why? What happened in such a short timespan. The other night, he seemed to be doing just fine. The sweet aftertaste of his kisses turned bitter in the matter of seconds. Everything about Kai’s actions just a few moments ago started to make sense. “…Kai, what the fuck?” He felt like such an idiot for feeling so hot just minutes ago, to  whom he thought he someone he held so dear, but it was just… a hollow vessel of who Kai was. He got off of the other’s lap, brushing his fingers through his hair. “How could– what the fuck?!” 

As  soon  as  Kosmo’s  features  changed  he  internally  scolded  his  Humanity  ‘you  wanted  this’.  He  stayed  silent  and  watched  Kosmo  go  through  the  stages  of  realisation.  He  couldn’t  take  it  back  now,  but  Kai  knew  this  was  probably  for  the  best.  So  Kosmo  can  keep  his  distance  and  he  can  get  what  he  needs  done  without  threat  of  his  broken  humanity  deciding  they've  changed  their  mind.  At  least  he  was  not  getting  restrained  this  time.  Kai  did  expect  this  reaction  from  the  other.  When  Kosmo  got  off  his  lap  Kai  moved  back  and  leaned  on  the  edge  of  the  hot  spring.  Keeping  his  distance  as  to  not  be  percieved  as  a  threat.  He  kind  of  hoped  Kosmo  would  realise  that  if  he  wanted  to  attack  him  he  already  had  ample  opportunity.  However  it  was  best  not  to  make  that  assumption.  “Are  we  done  with  the  what  the  fucks?  I  feel  you  have  one  more  in  there.  Might  want  to  let  it  out,”  he  rolled  his  eyes.  “Si  lo  apagué,”  he  confirmed  the  first  question.  “As  for  what  I  assume  is  how  could  I  switch  it  off?  My  humanity  side  switched  it  off  because  they  couldn’t  handle  any  more  and  wanted  me  to  get  back  at  the  bastard  that  caused  them  so  much  distress.  So  I’m  in  control.  I  want  the  bastard  that  has  tormented  me  since  turning  me  to  understand  I  won’t  take  anymore  from  them.  That  their  actions  have  consequences,”  and  he  was  that  consequence.  “And  here’s  the  next  kicker.  That  same  bastard  knows  you’re  my  weakness,”  he  knew  he  didn’t  want  to  be  like  this  in  this  hostile  environment.  So  either  way  he  looked  at  it  Kosmo  was  his  biggest  weakness  right  now.  In  many  ways.

As Kai made the comment he noticed his behaviour was vastly different. Colder, much colder. ❝ What do you mean by that? ❞ Damien asked wondering if Kai would elaborate. The only person that came to mind was Kai’s ex Kosmo. Kai was still a little tied about about their break up when they first started dating. Which was fine Damien decided he wanted to take it slow anyway. As he spoke more Damien carefully listened. ❝ Kai what the hell happened? What do you mean let you deal with it? ❞ He asked barely containing the growl in his voice. He has lost his humanity from the looks of it. How long had it been off? Was the turning that brutal? Did something happen after? Damien felt so much guilt wishing he searched harder. His anger was getting wound up until Kai asked about him. ❝ Yeah I was always a werewolf. I may have eventually told you if we became serious, ❞ maybe even given him the choice to change and stay with him. He would have given him a choice and that has been robbed from him.

Kai  looked  at  him  and  shrugged,  “I  met  Kosmo  here  and  discovered  he’s  a  shadowhunter.”  Kai  has  only  dated  a  small  number  of  people  in  his  life.  Two  during  his  school  years  Kosmo  during  his  university  and  Damien  more  recently.  His  school  relationships  were  a  mess  trying  to  figure  out  his  sexuality.  He  just  hoped  they  wouldn’t  get  pulled  in  here  as  well.  He  didn’t  need  another  angry  voice  asking  him  what  the  hell  or  what  the  fuck.  Maybe  he  should  have  asked  the  faes  to  do  a  gossip  blast  so  he  could  get  them  all  over  and  done  with.  “Well  the  first  part  is  obvious  I  got  turned  into  a  vampire,”  he  scoffed.  He  knew  he  meant  in-between  that  and  now.  ”A  lot  happened  but  the  too  long  didn’t  listen  story  is  my  sire  is  a  dickhead  that  has  pushed  me  one  too  many  times  and  I  decided  I  want  to  bite  back,”  He  could  see  the  guilt  in  Damien.  He  did  enjoy  hanging  out  with  him  when  he  was  a  mundane.  Listening  him  play  the  guitar  and  helping  him  with  his  technical  issues.  He  found  comfort  in  him  showing  him  his  dance  moves  in  the  studio.  Seems  like  a  literal  lifetime  ago.  “Yeah  I  heard  that  shadowhunters  aren’t  keen  on  Mundanes  knowing  about  the  shadow  world,”  he  commented  so  he  could  understand  why  he  kept  it  from  him.  In  all  honesty  he  would  have  not  been  able  to  take  it  in  really.  Who  knows  though  that  version  of  the  future  wasn’t  going  to  happen.  Just  something  else  that  could  have  been  but  didn't.  

Young smirked and shook his head. ❝ I’m not giving you ideas but if you do want to know after you get your humanity back then I’ll tell you then.❞ Unlike Kai who seems to understand the external restraints on him and seems to understand what consequences are for his humanity side. Young had none of that. He started wars because he could. Had body counts that has made it into history books should you care to look. His vindictive nature amplified in a horrific way. Not against a particular person but usually their species. However he was brought up as a hunter Kai was brought up in a more nurturing and open one so maybe that had something to do with it.❝ If it’s your sire I would like to know, ❞ since Matthew did allow him to take Kai off his hands. Though they might not get on Young couldn’t disregard that it might be someone else.

❝ I should have taken you in sooner, ❞ he sighed. However he didn’t know if that would have helped any. He was kind of feeling this would have been the end result anyway and this just needs to play out. ❝ No you wouldn’t be,❞ he agreed. As Kai listed the names he knew two of them in some capacity. Vasilkaera can look after herself he could tell that much. Kosmo Reyes he din’t know but he guessed he was related to Francis, potentially his son. If that was the case he would be protected but as Kai said an extra pair of eyes wouldn’t do any harm. ❝I’ll keep an eye out, ❞ he reassured him. ❝ Look I am here for the both of you. Your existence is just as valid without emotions as it is with. There are healthier ways to sate that boredom that’s not going to make your humanity have a massive guilt trip when they come back. I will also help you any way I can that is within the rules of the realm, ❞ he told him.  

Kai  shrugged.  “I’ll  ask  you  after  then.  No  big  deal  when  I  find  it  out,”  would  have  been  cool  though.  He  still  couldn’t  really  imagine  it  but  then  he  has  only  known  the  original  for  a  short  time.  He  doesn’t  even  know  any  of  his  background.  Not  like  it  would  help  him  with  getting  Matthew  anyway.  Though  to  have  no  restraints  like  there  were  here.  That  would  be  nice.  His  humanity  may  disagree  though.  “You’ll  know  when  I  am  ready  to  tell  you.  I  am  serious  I  don’t  want  anyone  acting  on  my  behalf.  I  also  don’t  want  them  knowing,”  he  told  him.  “So  don’t  say  anything  to  my  sire  or  try  and  see  if  it  is  him,”  he  added.  

“Not  sure  that  would  have  made  much  of  a  difference,”  he  shook  his  head.  Matthew  didn’t  seem  the  type  to  care  that  he  would  be  crossing  the  original.  “Besides  it’s  nice  not  having  my  brain  occupied  by  incessant  overthinking  and  worries  for  a  bit,”  he  commented.  He  could  focus  and  see  things  as  they  are  and  not  how  he  internally  perceived  them.  Perhaps  his  humanity  can  learn  something  from  this.  “Please  do,”  he  nodded.  Young’s  next  comment  threw  him.  “Huh,  thanks  I  guess.  Also  thanks  for  not  going  on  the  whole.  ‘You  shouldn’t  have  done  that’.  High  horse.  I  might  take  you  up  on  your  offer,”  he  smirked.  “What  are  you  thinking  exactly  out  of  curiosity?”  He  had  to  ask.

Even though he thought it would be the most difficult thing to do, Kai was taking up all of Kosmo’s mind. There wasn’t one worrisome thought in his head. And it was such a relief, to have something to look forward to, for his anxious heart to have a little break, that Kosmo wanting it to stay forever. So when those fangs were drawn out, the boyish chuckle that escaped wasn’t even surprising. “No! No, I don’t miss them!” He didn’t know whether it was the control or the confidence Kai had that made him so hot for him. Maybe both. Yeah, it was probably both. He could see those eyes that he wanted something much more than talking, which was something he’d rarely seen before. It wasn’t anything bad. It was just… unusual, from Kai. “Yeah? Any other advice the original gave?” Kosmo leaned in again, hovering over the other’s lips and enjoying his closeness, not in hurry for anything to happen just yet. He knew Kai wouldn’t be against taking things slow, either. Or would he? 

“That’s  a  shame,”  he  chucked.  “But  yeah  I  have  better  control  over  them  now,”  he  added  with  a  little  pride  in  his  voice.  He  could  tell  the  question  was  to  entice  more  conversation  from  him.  Kosmo  was  stirring  his  humanity  and  he  couldn’t  have  that.  Not  yet  not  while  his  humanity  was  in  shambles.  Luckily  all  it  took  was  gentle  reminder  of  why  he  was  out.  An  image  of  his  sire.  The  stirring  of  his  humanity  reminded  him  that  his  humanity  would  feel  as  if  this  was  tricking  Kosmo.  Not  telling  him  that  he  wasn’t  exactly  him.  Internally  he  growled  at  his  mind,  but  he  had  to  remind  himself  he  would  eventually  be  that  weak  again  once  Matthew  was  dealt  with.  That  these  actions  though  with  no  emotions  now  would  bear  a  hellish  guilt  trip.  “A  few  things,”  he  purred  and  decided  to  steal  a  short  kiss.  If  he  wasn’t  going  to  have  fun  he  wanted  a  little  something  at  least  before  he  was  probably  going  to  ruin  both  their  nights.  He  broke  off  and  looked  at  him  properly  for  a  moment  admiring  him  before  this  was  going  to  take  a  turn.  “Remember  that  night  we  first  met  here,”  he  decided  to  bring  it  up.  “How  I  said  if  I  lost  my  humanity  I  want  you  to  try  and  get  it  back?”  His  voice  lacked  his  usual  warmth,  it  was  cold  but  there  was  no  threat.  He  relaxed  so  that  if  Kosmo  wanted  to  bail  he  could  easily.  “I  don’t  want  you  to  do  that,  at  least  not  yet.  I’ve  switched  it  off  until  I  get  some  things  in  order,”  well  that  was  the  night  most  likely  ruined.

KAI WAS LIKE A MOUSE HE COULD TOY WITH. matthew’s antics at the saint and sinners ball were just for fun — he had no desire then to actually do anything to him ( for laura’s sake ) . but now the boy did something that did not sit well with the witch-vampire , something that required punishment from his sire . so he waited where the boy stayed , his eyes closed as he stood in the darkness of his room , silent and taking in slow breathes . even when kai entered and turned the light on , he did not turn yet to face him. “ hello kai , ” his greeting calm yet … threatening . ( closed starter for @nwbrnfangs​ ).

It    had  been  a  draining  night.  So  many  highs  and  lows.  However  for  now  he  was  still  himself.  He’d  probably  take  a  long  walk  tomorrow  and  approach  Olivia  after  a  day  just  to  give  her  time.  He  got  into  the  cottage  and  took  off  his  shoes.  He  just  didn’t  understand  how  she  could  get  entangled  with  that  asshole.  Did  Matthew  do  this  to  him  because  of  Olivia?  Even  so  it  was  Matthew’s  actions.  Matthew  did  this.  His  motivations  whatever  they  were  did  not  excuse  the  act.  He  was  so  distracted  in  his  thoughts  he  hadn’t  noticed  Matthew’s  scent  was  all  over  his  place.  He  was  pretty  drained  from  his  PTSD  episode.  He  went  towards  his  own  room  and  opened  the  door  and  turned  on  the  light.  As  the  other  spoke  Kai  froze.  Could  this  fucking  night  just  give  him  a  break  please?!  He  wanted  to  shout  at  him  to  tell  him  to  go  fuck  himself  and  that  this  was  because  of  his  actions.  He  had  a  child  for  fuck  sake.  Why  the  hell  can’t  he  just  leave  him  the  fuck  alone  and  focus  on  her?  The  fear  in  him  stole  that  voice.  The  sinking  feeling  in  his  gut  was  keeping  his  tongue  still  and  he  was  hating  it.

*// Closed starter :: Kai @nwbrnfangs​

It was late at night and Damien wasn’t quite ready to finish exploring. There was a lake nearby and perhaps he could dump his clothes and go for a run in his wolf form. Explore more quicker that way. As he got closer to the lake though he smelled a familiar scent but with mixed vampirism. Damien made his way towards the scent and sure enough it was him. He was actually alive, but now a vampire. Damien knew by now Kai would have sensed him so it wasn’t as if he could just back out and he would also know what he was. ❝ Kai… I-I thought…I thought you were killed ❞ he was so shocked and then the anger came with it. ❝ Who did this to you? Are they here? ❞ he asked his eyes glowing. Fucking vampires. Kai wouldn’t have been turned willingly though they had only been together for three months he knew that much. He was different from the guy he knew from the beginning of the year, but it was still Kai.

Kai  could  hear  someone  approaching  and  decided  to  stay  where  he  was.  Even  in  this  state  he  enjoyed  staring  at  the  lake.  He  was  imagining  in  his  head  how  he  was  going  to  get  to  get  back  at  Matthew.  Who  else  could  he  get  involved  but  won’t  take  away  the  fun  from  it.  The  other  was  clearly  curious  about  him  and  still  very  much  on  the  approach.  He  smelt  them  first  a  werewolf  then  mixed  with  a  scent  he  knew  from  literally  before  he  turned  into  this  mess.  He  quickly  got  up  and  faced  them.  Damien.  So  the  tall  handsome  barista  he  was  dating  before  the  shit  hit  the  fan  was  a  werewolf.  Though  he  had  heard  werewolves  can  be  turned  like  vampires.  This  could  be  a  recent  development.  “Guess  I  have  a  thing  for  the  supernatural  without  realising,”  he  commented  going  on  the  assumption  that  he  was  always  a  werewolf.  “Not  dead,  no.  Not  a  ghost,”  he  smirked.  “A  different  kind  of  monster,”  he  chimed.  “They  are  here  but  let  me  deal  with  that,”  Kai  told  him  it  wouldn’t  do  his  humanity  any  favours  if  Damien  went  against  Matthew  blinded  by  rage.  “So  you’re  a  werewolf  was  that  always  a  thing  or..?”  he  asked  as  he  observed  him  properly.  Those  handsome  features  made  him  crush  so  hard.  He  still  had  the  embarrassing  memories  from  when  he  just  met  Damien.  Spending  more  money  than  he  should  have  because  he  had  a  crush.  It  was  worth  it  though  at  the  time.  

“Well,  it’s  so  much  easier  in  wolf  form,  I  can  tell  you  that.”  He  explained,  huffing.  “Of  course,  it  was  an  old  man’s  contest  and  all  the  options  were  terrible.  But  we’re  trying  to give  the  other  terrible  a  chance  to  see  how  much  they  can  fuck  up.  If  it  doesn’t  work  out  good  the  option  to  drain  them  is  always  on  the  table.  Though,  I  am  not  sure  if  that’s  gonna  be  any  tasty.”  That’s  what  this  looked  like  for  him,  honestly.  “Well,  we  got  to  send  her  a  letter  that  tells  her  that  her  realm  is  no  fucking  fun  at  all.”  A  Huff,  “My  idea  of  fun?  Parties,  sex,  nudity  —  and  everything  that  comes  to  your  mind  when  you  think  of  these  things,  actually.”  Ace  explained.  “What’s  it  for  you?”  Probably  can’t  just  be  getting  drunk  on  a  rooftop  with  a  stranger,  but  it  was  one  of  the  best  options  that  this  place  offered.  “Man,  how  bad  would  it  be  if  I  just  stripped  in  this  lame  ass  bar  to  get  some  action  inside?  I  don’t  know  –  would  that  help  any?”

Kai  nodded  at  his  comment.  He  was  still  learning  so  much  about  other  species  while  he  was  till  figuring  himself  out.  Kai  chuckled.  “Nah  probably  not.  I  imagine  somewhat  stale,”  he  stuck  his  tongue  out  for  dramatic  effect.  “This  whole  world  is  fucked.  At  least  the  mundane  side  is.  Though  I  am  also  coming  to  realise  as  is  the  shadow  world  side  too,”  the  recent  events  taught  him  as  much  but  he  couldn’t  really  give  two  shits  right  now  about  that.  His  old  self  would  have  been  blushing  and  flustered  but  that  sounded  fun  to  him.    “Well  it  was  dancing,  walking,  wallowing  in  self  pity.  Did  that  a  lot  until  I  got  a  bit  of  a  wake  up  call.  Now  honestly  I’m  into  whatever  sounds  fun  and  that  does  sound  like  a  good  night,”  he  smirked.  He  laughed  at  his  suggestion.  “You  don’t  need  to  go  onto  that  lame  ass  bar  if  you’re  looking  for  some  action,”  he  told  him  eyeing  him  up  slightly.  

— “ i understand. i know what it feels to be forced into a new world alone after someone does something horrible. ” she said. if she could have simply turned off her emotions, she would have when she’d been younger. viktor had always been better with change, and having him with her hadn’t taken away the fear or the loneliness or the devastation she’d felt. but she was still concerned about whether kai would be okay once his humanity was back. she didn’t want this to be too much. she nodded. “ yes, blood for blood. ” something she’d always agreed with, despite others in her life telling her otherwise. her mother’s death had been that, although she’d tried to talk first. 

   “ use me as a threat. ” she hummed. “ i would protect the people your humanity cares about, and i’m strong enough on my own that i can make that promise, ” she said. she would protect whoever he wanted her to. she knew she was capable. “ we’ll just have to make sure they won’t go after anyone in retaliation. ” she offered a wry smile, “ well good. wouldn’t want you to go and get yourself killed. and what do you have planned ? ” she was curious. but she was concerned. a newborn going up against any of the older beings put the odds against him. but she would follow through on threats he made in her name.

   the way kai was describing his sire, it almost sounded like her, although she’d never claimed not to have done the things she did. anything she’d blamed on others, well, she did believe it was them not her. “ he should have left you alone, ” the words came out growled. “ come on, then. we can plot in the other room. i don’t really feel like standing in the entree during it. ” she turned to head through the kitchen, grabbing her apple off of the counter as she walked. she let herself fall back onto the couch in the next room, taking a bite of her apple before looking up at kai expectantly. 

Kai  nodded.  “If  I  had  to  deal  with  this  alone  without  that  dickhead  I  would  have  been  fine,”  he  told  her.  Even  with  the  PTSD  episodes  he  had  ways  to  cope.  It  wasn’t  perfect  and  there  were  times  it  was  tempting  to  just  switch  them  off  but  he  was  stubborn  enough  to  know  that  it  wasn’t  a  good  enough  reason.  This  was.  “Kind  of  literal  in  my  case.  I  want  to  drain  them  like  they  did  me.  I  want  them  to  know  that  hunger  and  the  pain.  I  also  want  them  to  know  I  am  no  longer  going  to  back  the  fuck  down  from  their  games,”  though  he  was  supposed  to  be  emotionless  and  uncaring  the  echos  of  this  particular  feeling  were  strong.  It  was  his  driving  force  and  the  reason  he  was  allowed  out.

“They  are  the  type  that  would  go  for  them,”  he  can  picture  it  well.  Thing  was  it  wasn’t  the  smartest  to  do  it  that  way.  It  would  only  make  his  humanity  retreat  even  more.  Which  suited  him  just  fine,  but  he  was  doing  this  for  his  humanity.  “I’m  going  to  Darcy’s  to  get  a  truth  potion  made  one  that  hurts  to  resist.  My  sire  seems  the  type  to  torment  others  and  I  want  to  see  if  it  is  the  case  or  just  something  I  told  myself  to  give  myself  comfort.  Someone  with  me  there  of  course  so  nobody  can  say  I  am  making  things  up.  If  it’s  just  me  I  drain  him.  If  someone  else  is  involved  I  want  them  to  have  a  say  in  what  happens  to  them  too.  They  needs  to  learn  karma  is  not  the  only  thing  that  can  get  back  at  them.  I  don’t  want  to  kill  them  I  want  them  to  suffer,”  something  his  humanity  side  had  been  wanting.  Adding  in  the  part  that  the  truth  potion  hurts  to  resist  was  his.  

“This  side  of  me  understands  why.  Easy  target  that  won’t  speak  out,”  until  he  revealed  to  Olivia  that  Matthew  had  sired  him.  However  surely  he  would  have  known  if  they  were  friends  that  would  eventually  happen?  As  Vala  suggested  they  move  he  took  off  his  shoes  and  followed.  Though  he  didn’t  care  it  was  more  of  a  habit  at  this  point.  He  joined  Vala  on  the  sofa.  “Before  we  go  any  further  I  need  to  feed  so  I  can  think  more  clearly  so  mind  if  I?”  he  asked.  Sure  he  could  just  get  on  with  it  but  he  needed  to  have  allies  not  push  people  away.