Holistic Nutritionist Confessional

When I was just out of high school, I used to work the reception desk part-time at a motor sports dealership, across the street from Tim Hortons. I’d buy a 20-pack of Timbits (the “jam”-filled ones with powdered sugar) and demolish them during my evening shift.  I’d often have an Iced Capp to go with it. And get this: I’d be hungry an hour later. In my mind there was zero correlation between this junk I ate and my crippling IBS attacks (this was before I even knew IBS existed), and the anxiety-bordering-on-panic-attacks from too much caffeine. I used to eat those Welch’s fruit snacks by the box. And fruit juice? I’d drink it by the litre. But I was a skinny-mini, so it must have meant I was invincible. DUH.

Remember when I said I have gut issues that are linked to candida overgrowth? The candida albicans microorganism just LOVES the sugar. And when you have too much candida, you don’t just loves the sugar. You needs the sugar. Concentrated, refined sugar, and lots of it! Fruit juice, fruit snacks, Iced Capps and Timbits are the BEST for candida.  You know what else is good for candida? Beeeeer. Wiiiiine. Ciiiiider.

Candida starts out as a single celled yeast. Given enough fuel, it will reproduce and morph into a multi-cellular fungus; at this point it’s much harder to kill and the associated symptoms get worse. 

You can’t really blame candida. It’s just trying to live it’s life, alright? I happen to have been a fantastic provider to candida for a very long time. I put food on it’s table, I give it a roof over it’s head. I am a warm, moist, welcoming home. Is this getting a little too weird, me sympathizing with the thing that causes me so much misery?  

Last year I attempted an anti-candida diet.  Very low carb and almost no sugar.  I had one apple a day to satisfy my sweet tooth. Sugar withdrawal sucks. Anyone with a sugar addiction who’s tried to cut it out cold turkey knows what I mean. The first week was the toughest. I had one panic attack from the shock of cutting carbs. After that, things started improving. I felt a tiny bit better every day. I didn’t feel so strung out and exhausted. I looked forward to that one apple every day, and it was so delicious! 

All in all, I lasted three weeks before something emotionally traumatic happened and I abandoned my candida diet for vodka and cranberry juice. Am I weak? Some may say so but I find it’s counterproductive to put yourself down when you’re already down. I haven’t attempted the diet since, but I want to give it another shot at some point. 

I should clarify, even if you didn’t have a candida overgrowth, you’d still need sugar to live. Every one of the trillions of cells in your body needs glucose to produce energy to make it go. If your gut bacteria was in balance, you wouldn’t crave carbs in the same insane, irrational way.  You’d likely be content getting your carbs from whole grains like brown rice, quinoa, whole wheat, and pretty much any vegetable. The fibre in these foods helps your body break it down into glucose slowly, versus pure sugar that spikes in your blood and makes you feel like this: 

Alternatively, you could be so burnt out that sugar (and caffeine) just barely brings you up to normal. That’s linked to adrenal fatigue, a topic I will leave for another day.

Physiology and pathogenic yeast aside, there is a deeper reason we reach for doughnuts or chips or whatever.  Stress, loneliness, boredom, sadness.  If you’re reaching for sugar, could it be you are lacking sweetness in other areas of your life? I speak only for myself when I say YES.

orth= correct

(o)rexia=a condition of

The following is an excerpt from an article found on www.nationaleatingdisorders.org:

“Orthorexia starts out as an innocent attempt to eat more healthfully, but orthorexics become fixated on food quality and purity.  They become consumed with what and how much to eat, and how to deal with “slip-ups.”  An iron-clad will is needed to maintain this rigid eating style.  Every day is a chance to eat right, be “good,” rise above others in dietary prowess, and self-punish if temptation wins (usually through stricter eating, fasts and exercise).  Self-esteem becomes wrapped up in the purity of orthorexics’ diet and they sometimes feel superior to others, especially in regard to food intake.”

Orthorexia is another unofficial condition that I’d wager many a nutrition student has either flirted with, gone on a date with, or went steady with. 

When I learned this wealth of new info about nutrition, I was overcome by the analysis paralysis that can happen when you learn a bunch of contradictory things about food. 

“Don’t consume large amounts of liquid with your meals! It will dilute your digestive juices and slow your digestion!”

Guess I can't eat soup anymore. Dang.

“Calcium and iron compete for absorption in your body.”

Broccoli has calcium, beef has iron... goodbye, Chinese-style stir fry.

“Tap water has chlorine which kills beneficial gut bacteria, and traces of pretty much every pharmaceutical drug anyone has ever peed out, because our water sanitation systems are not designed to filter out particles that small. Enjoy your daily micro-dose of the birth control pill, everyone!”

Awww shit. Is it better to abstain from tap water till I can afford a Berkey?

It’s a weird rite of passage. The self-righteousness of eating perfectly becomes cult-like.  Let me be clear, the school I attended was NOT a cult, nor was it self-righteous. In fact, one of the most important principles of my profession is the pursuit of balance.  Balance with food, with the mind, and with the spirit.  All the things I described to you were self-imposed perceptions. 

By the way, aren’t the “symptoms of orthorexia” basically what you go through when you try a new diet? I try not to generalize, but you get my drift.

This condition reaches far beyond the nutrition student, and one can easily go nutso trying to figure out what’s “right” just by doing research on the internet. My experience of orthorexia caused more issues at a mental level than anything else. I will admit I did go through a period of restricted caloric intake because I was afraid to eat the wrong thing. It’s so true that your mindset affects how well you digest your food.  Eating a perfect diet can still be ruined if you’re stuck in anxious mode.

I don’t know how widespread or severe orthorexia is, but I think it (or perhaps the nagging orthorexic) has the potential to give healthy eating a bad reputation and steer people to the other extreme out of sheer rebellion. (Bacon everything, anyone?)

The journey to balance might involve a short period of orthorexia, or maybe some junk-food binges. And that’s okay.  I guess my point is that being self-aware and learning to be okay with yourself, wherever you’re at in life, is the most important thing.  

On a personal note, I have launched my nutrition consulting practice! I am looking forward to working with clients to find their own balance. If you live in the Calgary area and would like to sign up for a free 30 minute Discovery Session, please visit my Facebook page and contact me! www.facebook.com/harmonizenutrition

Let’s just dive into it, shall we?  

I, like a lot of people, happened upon the natural health world by necessity. I have had sub-optimal health my whole life, starting from when I was just a wee thing. I had chronic constipation as a young child. I was a nightmarishly picky eater and was always very skinny.

I also liked to sing...some things don’t change.

In my mid-teens, I noticed that my belly would bloat up, for no reason! I didn’t realize it happened after pretty much any meal (a good portion of that was sweetened coffee, candy, juice, fried food and packaged food). I half-ate the healthy food that my mom cooked because I was forced to, but my body craved my next fix of the junk. 

At the time, I was ignorant of the cause and effect of what I put into my body. I thought I just had some inherent physical flaw. All my friends ate the same things as me and they were fine! And I was proud of that fact that I could eat whatever I wanted and never gain weight. It was a sick point of pride. Looking back on it, I was simply malnourished. Anyway, I wore baggy clothes to cover up this embarrassing skinny-girl-bloat of unknown origin.  

This period in my life also coincided with a sharp decrease in my zest and drive for school.  I stopped achieving, I stopped doing my homework.  I stopped being creative. 

I moved out of my parents’ house after high school and that’s when things really began to deteriorate.  Now that I was on my own, I could buy whatever I wanted! So I did. 

I’d have a blueberry bagel (those weren’t really blueberries, by the way) with a shit-ton of cream cheese for breakfast. Then I’d wash it down with a double-double (that’s 2 cream, 2 sugar for you non-Canadians) black tea.  I bought a lot of snacky-type things in shiny foil wrappers. And I began to have more abdominal pain, alternating constipation and diarrhea, fatigue and general feelings of blah. This, along with some circumstances I will go into at a later date, contributed to the depression I told you about. 

Some of you probably know where this is going.  I had the classic signs and symptoms of gut bacteria imbalance, even as a little kid. You may have heard the term “candida” or “candidiasis”. As of yet it is not a clinical diagnosis, but a name to describe a seemingly unrelated set of symptoms. It is very common among customers I talk with, and is something I have lived with for pretty much my whole life. 

It is my normal to be in this state of constant discomfort, always being bloated and gassy (even when I eat healthy!) and always tired. I’ve recently noticed pain under my right rib cage and intermittent nausea associated with an inflamed pancreas. I’ll be having it ultra-sounded. Emotional eating is definitely a thing for me and for lots of you, and I want to explore that here at some point.

My future posts will document my journey toward a healthier body, mind and spirit. I’ll fall off the wagon, but I will always get back on.  

P.S. I had Pizza 73 tonight. But I drank lots of water!  

This is far more nerve-racking than I thought it would be. 

I’m Magda, and I’m a newly graduated holistic nutritionist. I am passionate about serving others and teaching healthy lifestyle through food, exercise and supplements. I also manage a little health food store.  To my customers, I am lean, my skin is clear, and I’m usually smiling.  I’m told I look healthy. However flattering that is, I definitely don’t feel healthy.  Here’s confession number one: I went to KFC today.

WHAT?! Are you outraged? How could someone who’s supposed to represent healthy living eat f**king garbage? GMOs, factory farms, trans fats, general shittiness all around!  

In fact, all through my nutrition program I hid my shame from most of my classmates. I would hit the McDonald’s drive-thru on my way to school and wolf it down on the ride there, making sure to hide the wrappers in case anyone were to peer into my car. Then in class we would learn how deep-fried foods are as damaging to your body as smoking is. Some days I’d bring a green smoothie to school, or some homemade healthy snack. Those days I felt like I fit in. But I also felt like a hypocrite. 

More often than not, at nights I would binge drink because it was the easiest, fastest way to relieve stress.  Stress over what? 

I had just gone through a painful break-up, instigated by me.  Being alone and cut off from my then ex was enough for me to want to numb the pain. Then there was school. My first three attempts at post-secondary education ended up with me quitting because I got overwhelmed easily.  It was usually a scholarly paper that got me so anxious that I’d rather drop the course than write the damn paper.  I was also working two part time jobs while in school, and felt like I never had enough time to study. I did have the time. I just chose to drink instead.

Maybe I should back this up and give you a little more context.  

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder 7 years ago, 5 of which I took Effexor. After a few years on it, I felt it didn’t really do much more than dull my emotions.  I was still depressed. So I weaned off. Three times.  I won’t go into the nightmare that was Effexor withdrawal... perhaps a story for another post!

I’ve been anti-depressant-free for nearly two years now. But I self-medicate with alcohol, Benadryl and junk food (formerly weed too, but I can’t use it anymore without getting anxious). The use tends to happen in spurts. I’m well aware of what I’m doing to myself! I feel horrible about it all, which contributes to the downward spiral. 

Anyhoo! I’m not writing this to elicit sympathy or be a sob story.  I’m doing this because the world needs to know that I’m not perfect, and that I’m trying, and that we’re all trying. I’m learning to be kinder to myself, as if I were my own nutrition client. I also want to be accountable to you, my audience.  I’m likely not the only nutritionist who binge drinks and goes to McDonald’s too often. But through my searches I haven’t found one who’s gone public on the interwebs about it.  If you are out there, my brethren, join me in freeing your conscience!

Time to wrap this up (like the spicy chicken wrap I had at KFC...) *nervous laughter*

-M