oops all spiders

I FUCKING FOUND IT

jesus christ

hey guys, just a reminder,

i dont “have ptsd” that’s all just the wizard’s curse

the wizard is my mother but that's not relevant

sometimes when my mom gets drunk she goes into Liberated Women Mode, and one time she was real tipsy and while talking about her friend’s divorce, she very earnestly told me and my sister (both adults) that regardless of preference or relationship, she hoped we would both reach a point in our lives where we were having really good sex with really good people. and my sister said, “i do that now except the good people part” and i said, “sex is real?” and my mom didn’t love either of those answers

ur mom sounds hot is she single

my mom is in fact single, and if you are so determined then it’s not my fault when you find out why

You can’t be funnier then me on my own posts, I’m in tears from laughter

complained to my brother about Underworld referring to all the players by name rather than by position in the baseball section. He said it's just something you've got to deal with, like when you're reading Gravity's Rainbow and looking up World War II chemistry on Wikipedia. And I said no because I already know everything about WWII chemistry

This is a dude who claims that his principles align with "effective altruism" too, by the way

I like when someone invents a new and disturbing way to Decorate Wrong

You learn something every day: apparently “pharaoh” translates literally to “great house,” and it was originally used in reference to Thutmose III in the way that we’ll say “the White House” in reference to the president and his administration. For example, it’s not “Pharaoh Bob ordered…” it’s “the Pharaoh ordered…,” in the same way we would say “the White House opposed…”

Shoutout to the nun who had other nuns tie her up and pour hot wax on her as she confessed her sins

The hardest I’ve ever made my supervisor laugh was when I ordered a really fancy cocktail that I didn’t realize came in a novelty glass at a lab dinner and I turned to her and said “I just really needed some attention”