inklings

my 7th grade social studies/8th grade science teacher (he did both classes. Somehow…) had a snake lovingly named Hisser. Hisser would occasionally be taken out to crawl and he was held by kids and when there were fire alarms Hisser was taken along, usually to his chagrin. 

This was one of those days where we had in class work time and most of us were just chilling and so Mr. A got Hisser out and started passing him around.

Every girl student that he came to, he would immediately snuggle up to, wrap around their arms, and get cozy. With boy students, he would just sort of sit in the coiled lump that he’d been handed in. This was true with just about every single student, and Mr. A said that Hisser likes girls a lot better than guys and this has been thoroughly proven by Hisser’s attitude.

Then Hisser was handed to me. He was a loveable cold scaley rope as you would expect, but he didn’t coil around my arms. He didn’t get cozy. He just sat there. And Mr. Anderson said, “Huh. That’s weird. He usually likes girls.” 

I passed the snake to my friend and surely enough, Hisser wrapped around her arms and got cozy. 

I came out as a trans guy about 7-8 years later, and just recently realized that Hisser was right about me not being a girl all along. 

1. Science is done in a coat. So you will need one of those. If you are doing evil science you will probably be meddling with the fabric, so your coat can have things on, like stains and legs and holes into space. Good science requires a coat which is clean, white and that somebody has used an iron on. If you do not have an iron or the inclination to use one then your only option is evil science, sorry. This is just one of the many barriers to Science.

2. Top Sciencers have stuff that goes through tubes and also bubbles. Your stuff will need to be in a range of primary colours. Observe it through your glasses but not too closely, you can make measurements with your eyes because you are a Sciencer. Also because occasionally your things will blow up the building, but not if those kids get there first.

3. But not all Science is done in a coat. Some of it is done in a brain. It is harder to purchase a brain than a coat but Sciencers are people of great ingenuity and will probably find a way. If you are this sort of Sciencer, you will need to write equations on things. Walls, windows and cake are all examples of things.

4. Have you sewed a head onto a body? It’s not rocket science. This is a mistake that too many people make. In fact it is the reason that the International Space Station has to have extra shielding. However if you can sew on a head without blasting it into space then you have probably made it in Science, well done.

5. Alternatively, you can follow a quirkier path. For example, try having a vole in a trap or maybe something else that explodes that is not a primary colour or a vole. You cannot Science unless something is at least a little bit explodey. Or at least you can try, but your Science will have no piquancy or zing.

6. Modern Science requires public presence and engagement with the general brain-soup. If you have a vole and it has not yet detonated then it can do tweeting for you. Otherwise, try holding the world to ransom with a technology doomsday device. This should bring attention to your chosen field.