Can I trade my diabetes for something else now?

Meryl Streep in Mamma Mia really was living the best life- owned a hotel on a beautiful Greek island, singing sweet ABBA bops, had a history of dicking down so many hot dudes she wasn’t sure which handsome, tone-deaf, middle-aged man was her kid’s dad. 

PetSmart Fish Lady:  You have to be very careful not to jostle the goldfish, then let him sit in the bag in the tank for an hour to let his temperature adjust to your tank, and then carefully pour it into the water.

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes

when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia

When Russia sends you nudes