I don't want to move on
not from you guys.
you have been building your lives
don't know where they're heading.
I've been here. But if I settle here, it'll mean moving on
from the dream I've had of being somewhere with you.
Is this the year of heartbreak? It's been two since we've lived in the same place. And it's catching up with me all over again.
My heart is split between places.
On one side, there is you and wanting to hold on. On the other there is me, alone here. And I cannot see how our paths can find each other again, for more than a road crossing.
I do not want to walk alone, but I do not want to walk with anyone else either. It feels like leaving you behind.
I know that in the end I might have to walk the way I have to and that only then might I encounter you again on the way. I know that waiting and chasing might not be the way to get there.
Yet, I feel my heart breaking at the thought of walking either on my own or with someone else.
I can't shake the feeling of betrayal,
I'm scared I'll leave you behind, when you mean the world to me.
Yet again, I can't imagine the hurt if I am on a path and one opens up to you, and I'm left unable to choose.
I am scared of the event arising, of its imagination itself, that I should ever be forced to choose
between my life and my world.
It makes me perceptive, it makes me strong.
But it also makes me scared. I fear that it makes me weak.
Simultaneously, I fear that I am strong enough to make it through, and that it suggests that I didn't care enough.
I do not know how to express that I care.
What else could be the ultimate proof of love?
Because in the end, that is what it is I feel for you.
My fear, pain, strength, drive, happiness,