#reaching out

Audre Lorde, from The Black Unicorn: Poems; “From inside an empty purse”

I think I've made art of Manny and Luz for the anniversary almost every year, so I couldn't miss this year.

The Gilded Apple

Artist: Eleanor Fortescue-Brickdale (British, 1872–1945)

Date: 1899

Medium: Watercolour over pencil

The one who sends the message. The one who checks in. The one who remembers birthdays, starts conversations, asks how everyone is doing, and keeps friendships moving forward. At first, it feels natural. You do it because you care. Because you enjoy talking to people. Because maintaining connections matters to you.

But after a while, you start wondering what would happen if you stopped.

And then one day, maybe because you are tired, overwhelmed, hurt, or simply curious, you do.

You wait. And wait. And wait.

And the silence starts getting louder.

It is difficult not to take that silence personally. It is difficult not to wonder if people actually miss you when you are gone, or if they only think about you when you place yourself in front of them. You start replaying conversations, questioning your importance in other people's lives, looking for signs that you mattered more than the evidence seems to suggest.

The truth is that being forgotten and feeling forgotten are not always the same thing. Some people get caught up in their own lives. Some people are terrible at initiating conversations. Some people assume you are busy, or assume you will reach out when you want to talk.

But even knowing all of that does not erase the hurt.

Because underneath it all is a very human desire: to know that someone would notice your absence. To know that someone would think, "I have not heard from them in a while. I hope they are okay."

If you are carrying that feeling right now, I hope you are gentle with yourself. I hope you do not measure your worth by the number of messages sitting in your inbox. I hope you do not convince yourself that silence is proof that you are unimportant.

You are not forgettable because people failed to reach out. You are not difficult to care about because others were not good at showing it. And you are not asking for too much when you want friendships that feel mutual.

You deserve people who check on you too. You deserve people who think of you when you are not standing directly in front of them. You deserve relationships where care travels in both directions.