Bronze Age

SR Bane - East vs West Skit Showdown!? [part 1]

Bane: Ow! Aw, shit Bane: I pricked my finger with the needle again. I thought I could fix my own jersey at least, but… Bane: After all, I'm shit at doing fiddly work like this Davide: Bane-san, rather than sewing the torn cloth, you've been sewing your hand for a while now Davide: If you're gonna use it right, I think you needle little enthusiasm… pfft! ["hari wo harikitte tsukau" lit. "have some energy while you use your needle"] Bane: Shut up, Davide! Davide: Woah! Bane-san, time out! Davide: If you're getting that upset at it, it'll be even harder Bane: Huff… I guess that's true. Getting irritated at it won't help Davide: That's sew sew true, sewing …pfft! ["sousou, sewing", lit: "that's right. Sewing"] Bane: …If you don't shut up, I'll be sewing your mouth shut, next! /////// Bane: ---Alright, it's done! Bane: Ahh, I'm hungry after all that hard work… Davide: Me too. Let's go to the restaurant and get some dinner. Bane: Sure. Let's go /////// Bane: Mmm… the clams they have here are pretty good, but… After all, Chiba's clams are the best Davide: Yeah. Especially the clams we gathered together with everyone were the most delicious Bane: Ahh… the ones we got when we went Clam Gathering together with everyone, huh? That takes me back… Bane: Because Icchan cooks them up while they're at their freshest, I may have become an unreasonably picky eater when it comes to clams Davide: I know, right. …I wonder if everyone's doing okay back home Bane: They've got Sae, I'm sure they're all fine Davide: Well, Ojii's there as well. Bane: Rather, I bet Ojii's worrying about us, too… Davide: I wanna do something with everyone again, Bane-san. I mean, Clam Gathering season is over now, so… Davide: Maybe we should go fishing. As soon as we get back to Chiba, we should go. Bane: That sounds good, I'm looking forward to it Bane: …Hahhh, but somehow, talkin' like his makes me feel kinda lonely Davide: Before I met up with Bane-san again, I was alone, too Davide: I was only doing so-so when I was solo… pfft! ["bocchi de bochibochi yatteta" lit. "I was bearing up while I was alone".] Bane: That was terrible. Bane: I'm worried about the gang at Rokkaku and stuff, but I also hope my dogs are doin' okay back home Shishido: What's this? Are you talkin' about dogs? Ootori: Hello Bane: What's up, listenin' to our conversation, huh? Shishido: I wasn't eavesdropping or whatever, but, I could hear you talking a little Shishido: 'It's totally lame to miss them'… is what I'd like to say, but, I have a dog, too, so I know how you feel Ootori: I have a cat at home, so I understand your feelings, too. You just start to miss them suddenly, don't you. Davide: Oh? So Ootori has a cat, too? So do I. Bane: I feel ya… After all, when you've got a pet, but you're separated from them, you start to miss 'em Shishido: Of course. You don't get to hear that bark, after all… Bane: Yeah, I get ya Davide: Bane-san's pocket money basically disappears because of the cost of dog food, even, so yeah Ootori: They must be really precious to you. If only there were some way we could meet them… Bane: Yeah. It's been ages since I last took 'em for a walk, as well Bane: When I left my house, they were still sleepin' in their doghouse so I didn't even get to make a fuss of 'em... Davide: Teehee, that's because it's the doghouse I made for them. It's no wonder they slept so comfortably in it. Shishido: What, you made a doghouse! Ootori: Amazing, you must be very handy! Bane: Yeah. Well, this guy prides himself on his carpentry skills. He's made some pretty cool stuff Davide: Making furniture fit for dogs was kind of a new experience for me Shishido: Uhh, you said you have a cat, right? So aren't you worried about him, too? Davide: Yeah, I'm worried… Davide: I mean I hope my cat's not just lion in bed all day… pfft! ["neko ga nekondenai", lit. "I hope my cat's not just staying in bed"] Bane: That's not funny at all, Davide! [To Be Continued]

SR Bane - East vs West Skit Showdown!? [part 2] Bane: Fuaa, mornin' already… huh? My bed feels kinda cramped for some reason… ???:  ..Uuun~<3 Bane: ---Wooooah!? Yuuji: …Eh!? W-what's going on?! An ambush!? Davide: A surprise attack first thing in the morning? But I ambushed… pfft! ["kishuu de kishou suru", lit. "waking up to an ambush"] Yuuji: …You think that's funny? Davide: Ah! As expected of a comedy tennis player from the west. You're a higher level… Koharu: Geez~… Koharu: Could you quit wailing at me like you just saw a ghost! Bane: W, Why're ya sleepin' in my bed though! Koharu: Well, isn't it obvious? We're. Sleeping. Together <3 Yuuji: W-what was that!? Are ya cheating on me!? Do you wanna die!! Koharu: Well, I heard that yesterday, he was saying he was lonely because he misses his pet, so I just… <3 Bane: It's true, I did say that... but how in the heck does that lead to us sleeping together? Koharu: Gosh, you're such a dumb boy! Koharu: I thought you must be lonely, so of course I wanted to give you a cuddle in bed? Yuuji: S, sleeping together with Koharu...! Do you… even know what an honour that is! Bane: More like a forfeit, you mean. Yuuji: Grr~! I never thought there'd be a rival in my own room! I'll never forgive this! Yuuji: That's it, it's on now! You and me are gonna have a showdown with Koharu on the line! Bane: What? No, wait, I don't really… Koharu: Oh nooo, please don't go fighting over me… <3 Yuuji: Koharu... please don't try to stop me… This is an unavoidable battle now… Yuuji: That's right, you and me are having a skit showdown! Bane: It's not even tennis!? Davide: If it's going to be a skit, does that mean you're going to do it in pairs? And if so, does that mean I can join? Yuuji: Exactly. Us vs you guys, we'll have a skit showdown as our respective duos. Yuuji: ---The East vs West Skit Showdown, accept the challenge! Bane: Hey now… calm down, okay? I'm not really a skit ki-- Yuuji: What's that? Running away? Bane: Running away! Bring it on, asshole! Davide: Bane-san, you're so simple… But that's very like you, too Yuuji: So from now on we're gonna go make our routines and in the evening, we throw down! You'd better be prepared! /////// Bane: Hmm, I guess that's about it for the routine. Next we need to decide the order for Davide's puns. Davide: Ending the routine with well-crafted puns, for an excellent finish… pfft! ["dekita dajare, iideki da", lit. "the puns I've made are good craftmanship"] Bane: Nah, I can't help but worry… Bane: But I guess, if we mix it with a strong tsukkomi, we might be able to get by on the impact, right…? Davide: Ah, Bane-san. Look who's over there… Yuuji: Ahaha, Koharuu~ Koharu: Ufu, oh Yuu-kun <3 Bane: Oh hey, guys. Did you already finish making up your routines? Yuuji: Oh, it's you guys! I'm sorry but, we don't have to do the showdown after all Bane: Huh? Whaddya mean? Koharu: Because… Whether he wins or loses this showdown, Yuu-kun is my one and only partner <3 Yuuji: In other words! Battling with Koharu's heart on the line is meaningless now! Sorry, man Bane: Well, I mean, that's fine… Davide: We went to all that trouble of coming up with a routine, but I guess it was pointless after all, huh, Bane-san… Koharu: Were you already done? If that's the case, we'd love to see it, wouldn't we, Yuu-kun? Yuuji: Absolutely! Show us what Kantou skits are made of! Bane: Alright then, for one time only, we're gonna hit you with it! Davide: Let's do it. Shall we move to a room with a bit more space? /////// Bane:  ---Hello, we are Davide and Bane Yuuji: Yesss! I've been waiting for this! Koharu: Kyaaa, you're so cool! <3 Davide: We're gonna hit you with a skit so electric, you'll be frazzled! You're gonna laugh so hard you'll be all outta gas! …pfft! ["warai korogete hirou sasete hodo no manzai wo hirou shimasu" lit. "We will now perform a skit that will make you convulse with laughter so hard, you'll be exhausted by the end of it."] Bane: Shut up, Davide! Don't go putting in adlibs that weren't in the script! Davide: Bane-san, time out!! Yuuji: Ohh! That's some sharp tsukkomi. …Nicely done Bane: Oh, this is going over surprisingly well…!  ---Alright, Davide, we got this, it's all downhill from here!

[STORY END]

Bane 1

Davide: This Valentine's, I want to be singled-out… pfft! [orig. valentine ni erabitain, lit. "I want to be picked as your valentine"] Bane: What's this all of a sudden? Davide: I got a good topic for puns from Kentaroh. The theme is Valentine's. Bane: Ahhh, it's that time of year, huh. Now that you mention it, the girls in my class were talkin' about it, too. Davide: Bane-san, you're very subdued about this, huh Davide: Kentaroh literally can't think about anything else but Valentine's right now. Bane: Well, I guess I've thought about it a little, but thinking about it isn't gonna change anything, is it? Davide: I guess not Bane: …If I've gotta think about it, I'll think about it when I actually get any chocolate

Bane 2

Bane: That reminds me, Icchan got a recipe for chocolate snacks off the girls Davide: When you say chocolate snacks, what kind of recipe was it? Bane: I have a feelin' he said it was a brownie… Bane: I only heard a bit, but it sounded hard. It's tough makin' home made Valentine's, huh Davide: Bane-san, what do you know about brownies? Bane: It's that, right? Those little chocolate cake-like things, right? Davide: Chocolate means good times already, but brownies? That takes the cake! Pfft! [orig. choco cake [keiki] …chou koukeiki, lit. "Chocolate cake… super good times!"] Bane: Why you, Davide!! Davide: Uwah!? Bane-san, time out!

Bane 3 [voiced]

Bane: Eh,  you're giving me chocolate? …Why me? Well, whatever the reason, I appreciate it. I'll make sure to enjoy 'em. Thanks

Bane 4

Bane: Oh, are these… handmade…? …I bet you had to look up how to make these and put your all into 'em In that case, I'd better appreciate getting to eat them, huh

Note: Davide in the parts where he said Bane’s “subdued” and interrogating him about brownies? He was pulling an angry face... he may have been a little jealous/suspicious that Bane wasn’t worried bc he knew for sure he was getting something off a girl/had received a brownie in the past from a girl??? lol But bane’s reaction is... as you can see. He seemed a bit sorry that you put in the effort lmao

//////

Davi 1

Davide: I heard from the girls in my class that Sae-san likes sweets. Bane: Why's that? Davide: Probably Valentine's. I think they're planning to give him something. Bane: Ahh, I see. Did you hear them planning anything for you, Davide?* Davide: Not really. What about you, Bane-san? Bane: I haven't heard anythin', but… Davide: Bane: Bane: E, Even if we've not heard anythin', there's still a chance we could get somethin'!

*he literally said, "Davide, did you hear anything?" but he kind of means "any rumours about you or I getting chocolate?"

Davi 2

Davide: …Bane-san, do you want to get chocolates? Bane: What's this all of a sudden? Davide: Since everyone's been talking about Valentine's. I was just wondering. Bane: Well if I could get some, then I want some Bane: What about you, Davide? Want some? Davide: …….. Bane: What's up, why've you gone so quiet suddenly?* Davide: Chocolate… huh Davide: I'm gonna get my chocolates right now! Chocks away! …pfft! [orig. choco wo chokkou de morai ni iku, lit. "I'm gonna go straight there to receive the chocolate"]

*Davide’s fear/bad at is getting gifts from girls, which is probably why he hesitates. Looks like he’s bearing up to get chocolate tho lol

Davi 3 [voiced]

Davide: This chocolate, is it for me? Thank you… I'm so surprised, I can't think of a pun I'm gonna eat this and think up a good pun for you.

Davi 4

"Sshh, you're gonna wake up my neighbours!" Bane said, totally trying not to laugh as he scraped his key against the lock to his apartment building.

"Hey hey Bane-san… what do you call two horses living in the stables next to each other?" Davide wobbled on the spot and put his hand out for the side of the door, as Bane finally plugged the key and turned it. "NEIGHbours… pfft!" Bane grabbed Davide by the back of his coat's collar and flung him inside the hall. Davide slipped, and, even more amused by this than the joke, shook with laughter so hard he had to cling to the stair rail to keep himself off the floor.

"Ho-lee shit, your jokes are so fucking stupid," Bane was trying not to wheeze out his words, but Davide laughed to see him trying not to laugh, and slipped down another step onto the floor in fits of giggles, and Bane's face was red from trying to hold his breath. He couldn't. His cackles rang out over the stairwell, and Davide pointed up at him and giggled back, until they both gasped and wiped their eyes.

Bane put his hand out to help Davide to his feet. "Go on, get up there, I'm only on the first floor, c'mon," and he shoved the small of Davide's back up the stairs, "we really need to get you in bed!"

And Davide said, "Harukaze, you'd better gale-force me up these stairs, because I'm three sheets to the wind right now… pfft! Sheets! Like bed sheets!" And Davide stopped mid climb to crumple up with laughter, and he swayed on the spot.

"What the fuck are you sayin'," Bane laughed, "Are you asking me to blow you? Dude you are so drunk right now!" and then Davide slipped.

The stairs were slow-motion for a moment, and then, the world stopped spinning. Davide felt his dizzy head against Bane's chest, felt Bane's strong arm around his shoulder. And Bane said, "Shit, that was close! Are ya okay?" And Davide could smell Bane-san's smell, it was that familiar scent that always calmed him down, oh yeah, and he could feel how warm Bane was… and. Rapid, but slowing, his heartbeat. Davide closed his eyes and listened to it. The sound of Bane-san living. The sound of Bane-san's every muscle reacting as it held Davide close. And he heard Bane speaking and his voice vibrating through his chest at the same time, "Davi, we'd better get you to bed, I can't believe how-- drunk-- you-- are--!" and by now he was laughing again, and Davide loved him.

He looked up, looked into Bane-san's eyes. I love you, I've always loved you, you know that, don't you? Don't you? And Bane's chuckles calmed down, and his face smoothed out into a little concerned face. And he said, "Davi?" and Davide realised he'd been holding Bane, too, tight around the chest. And that Bane had let go of him some time ago.

"I need to go to bed," Davide said, and he carefully pulled his arms away, carefully turned himself away and started to make his way up the stairs to Bane's apartment. "I'm, I'm so drunk, sorry, I'm, I'm just so drunk right now, sorry Bane-san…"

They made it to the first floor landing, and Bane, catching up at the top of the stairs, rested a heavy arm on Davide's shoulder, shepherding him towards the apartment door. "Heeeere we are," he said, and Davide shuddered and huddled his shoulders when Bane fished for his keys again in his pocket. Bane pushed the door and it yawned open in front of them. For a moment, they both stood in the hall, looking in. "Well? Go get inside! Get warm, dumbass!" Bane said, shoving Davide in by a strike on his shoulder blades.

Davide had barely recovered his balance by the time he heard the door shutting behind them. And he felt Bane's steadying hands on his back, smoothing up towards his shoulders where they rested, waiting for him to turn. So Davide turned. In the still-brightening economy light of the apartment, Bane's face looked quite red, from drink probably, or laughter maybe, or--

"Davide, I'm, I'm pretty drunk right now--" and Davide's sluggish apology from the stairs was working to sober him more and more by the second, and he moved to maybe give Bane some space, but Bane's finger pressed quick against Davide's lips, "Shhh, I'm pretty drunk, shh, we're drunk, right?" He slurred his words more than usual. He slurred them, it seemed, more than he had 5 minutes ago. But he dropped his finger away and took Davide by the shoulders, like he was about to shake him for answers, so Davide nodded, and Bane sighed his relief.

Orange flashing lights, and a person leaning over. Who? He had a full helmet on, and the flashes were to brief to shine through the glass of the visor. And Ryoma was too sleepy for this, and his head was heavy, so he let it thunk back down to the -- oh, the impact was soft and a little far away. And his nose itched. He reached a heavy hand towards his face and found his finger sharply rejected by a hard smooth surface. Oh yeah. Helmets. And the person above was saying "above abover? Had dit bear, vary a--" and then there was a sharp crack right in Ryoma's ear, and again his hand was repelled from trying to close his ears "--lmost back to the sh--" cut off by a stinging whine. Ryoma growled and bashed his fists against the side of his helmet, and the person next to him gently pressed around where his collar was until the sound stopped.

Oh, fuck this.

Ryoma closed his eyes, and opened them again on a hover-gurney. Eiji was gripping the side and peering at him, and he faintly heard An saying, "He's opened his eyes! Oh my God, Echizen?" and then Ryoma closed his eyes again. The next time he opened them he was in a dark room, with white linen curtains all around him. He looked down and saw he was in bed. Not his bunk, but a bed. And not that other bed, either. And there was something in his arm? Ryoma felt a surge of something rushing up his throat when he looked at it, in his arm, not that he remembered being afraid of needles -- and some monitor pinged beside his head, and Oishi pulled back the curtain with break-neck speed and pushed a bowl into his lap, then reached out to prop him up in bead, steadying his back with a gentle but firm hand.

"It's alright, Echizen, let it out now," Oishi said, without wincing at seeing the contents of Ryoma's stomach. "You're alright. They recovered your shuttle, and your injuries are honestly minor. It's more the exposure we're dealing with here. You did good to stay tough out on that planet for five whole days."

Ryoma blew the liquid from his lips, and then looked up at Oishi, raising one eyebrow. Oishi gave him a tissue.

"…You do remember what happened, Echizen?"

Ryoma looked at the bandages on his arm, and when he moved he felt something on his chest, a heaviness, and it hurt to stretch too far. And clearly, he tried not to look too hard at the bowl in his lap, clearly something wasn't quite all right with him. But he said, "How long am I looking at, Doc?" and Oishi chuckled lightly.

"We'll need you here resting up for a good few days! We need to do obs, tests… no, I'm afraid you won't be going anywhere for uh, a good while."

Ryoma stared at the curtain ahead of him. And memory loss would earn him, what? Another week? Month? But Oishi went on,

"I could do with a few details, actually, about what happened on the surface." And then there was a pause. Oishi cleared his throat and added, "It'll, uh, it'll help direct your treatment if you could tell us how you survived? What you ate, drank? Anything will help, Echizen." And there was a perfunctory click of a digital pen (they clicked now only for aesthetic, but Oishi seemed to be a pen-clicker through-and-through), and Ryoma could see Oishi had his digital tablet ready to make notes.

Great.

"Doc… who saved me?" Ryoma said, staring hard at the curtain. And Oishi burst into his warm little chuckle.

"Oh, you won't believe it! The pilots scoured every inch of that surface for you. Inui was up all night reading the scans, Fuji was non-stop on all comms systems, trying to get any word from nearby ships or the planet's government workers. Nobody had any clue where you were. But he found you." There was a whirr, the sound of a door opening nearby, and Ryoma's ears focused on the footsteps approaching them as Oishi went on, "I mean he's retired! Supposed to be! And you'd better believe I scolded him for getting into Red One without saying so much as a WORD--" and the curtain drew back.

It was the Captain.

"Oh, Captain Tezuka! Speak of the devil!" Oishi said, but Ryoma was looking only at Tezuka's face, and Tezuka was staring straight at him. And then Oishi said, "I'm… gonna go and grab you some water, Echizen. Take it easy." and with the scrape of the curtain rail, he was gone.

Tezuka stood at the end of the bed, silent, and the dark of the room gave nothing away. Ryoma leaned his head back a little, trying to suss him out.

"…Sup?" he said, at length. And Tezuka came around to the side of the bed, and pushed his lips up against Ryoma's so his glasses dug into Ryoma's cheek. And then, he pulled away. "Uh, sorry, I uh," and Oishi bustled in again with a glass of water. He glanced from Tezuka, turned slightly away, and Ryoma, licking his lips, and back again, and then he put the glass on the trolley just beside Ryoma's bed.

"Here's your water, Echizen, I'm going to, uhh, I've got tests, to uhh…" and then without finishing his excuse, he left again.

"Sorry captain I just threw up… could you… could you taste it?" Ryoma reached for the glass of water and gargled it.

"You're alive," Tezuka said. And Ryoma nodded.

"I heard I have you to thank for that," he said, and Tezuka turned to look at him. Ryoma's hand still felt heavy as he lifted it to beckon Tezuka with a wave of his hand. Tezuka silently complied. And this time, Tezuka's warm hand brushed the side of Ryoma's cheek, tilting it gently, gently, up to meet his lips. Ryoma could feel Tezuka breathing in a shaky way, but Ryoma moved his mouth, moved his tongue to invite him in. It still hurt one heck of a lot to move his back too much, but Ryoma reached for Tezuka's hair, too, and for one quiet moment, they were reunited. And Tezuka drew away, just enough so he was nose-to-nose with Ryoma, and Ryoma said, "If we go too far, my monitor might bleep. Doc's probably monitoring me for… stimulants," he said, with a chuckle.

"You seem fine," Tezuka said, now drawing himself up to his full, formal height. "I have to go and finish the paperwork for this mission." and he turned to go, but he stopped with his hand on the privacy curtain. "I will call again tomorrow," and with this he shot Ryoma a significant look over his shoulder. And Ryoma smirked back at him.

SSR Davide - Cutting Down 100 Men With Puns [part 1]

Davi: Today's practice is PRACTically over… pfft [lit: "Today's practice is over" "kyou no renshuu mo shuuryo"] Yuushi: Hey now… what are you saying? Choutaroh: What's wrong? Yuushi: That pun he just told. Doesn't it make you want to tsukkomi it? Choutaroh: What…? A pun? Davide: Today's practice is practically over [tn: he's saying it again] Choutaroh: Ohh! I get it! It's the 'pract' part, right? [tn: he says "it's the 'shuu' part"] Davide: …….. Choutaroh: Huh, was I wrong? Davide: No, that was the joke, but… Yuushi: That's no good, Ootori… If it's a pun you've either got to laugh or tsukkomi it Davide: Well if you're not going to tsukkomi me, I won't tell any puns Choutaroh: Sorry… I didn't realise... Yuushi: I'll show you an example, so watch closely. Like this Yuushi: What are you saying?! Davide: Ohh! Choutaroh: That's Oshitari-san for you! His Kansai background isn't just for show! Yuushi: My glasses are just for show though Choutaroh: Ahaha, you said it before I could! Davide: It's CLEAR GLASSES like that won't help you see CLEARLY… pfft! [lit: "Even fake glasses are glasses",  "datemegane datte, megane damon… pfft"] Choutaroh: That one had a good ring to it Davide: ……….. Choutaroh: Huh…? But I thought it was funny…? Davide: It's not enough… Choutaroh: Um, did you want me to laugh more? Davide: That's not it… Davide: It's lonely telling my puns without Bane-san's tsukkomi… Choutaroh: You and he were the only two middle schoolers selected from Rokkaku, weren't you? Davide: Yeah, and then Bane-san lost to me and had to leave the camp. Choutaroh: …I'm sure he's putting his heart and soul into tennis practice right now Choutaroh: That's why, as the ones who won and got to stay, as the representatives, we have to keep on doing the best we can… Davide: I'm gonna do my best-- Davide: --To make everyone here in the camp laugh Choutaroh: Ehh!? Isn't that a different goal!? Davide: I'm going to return to Rokkaku having become strong in both tennis AND puns Davide: It's a SIDEline SCHTICK in SIDE-splitting slapSTICK… pfft [lit: "It's witty pun mass production", "shareta dajare wo tairyouseisan"] Yuushi: Oh dear… Shiraishi: I just heard what you were talking about. I admire that mental attitude. Gin: Laughter makes one's heart rich Shiraishi: As Kansai folks, it'd be wrong if we weren't able to take on humorous things with everything we have Gin: Amane-han, you even have the experience from your nationwide journey to study puns; you're ambitious, aren't you. Davide: Delivering DIGS in the HOME of comedy… pfft [lit."Performing a skit in the home of comedy" "owarai no honba de, conto honban"] Shiraishi: Good job! That's the spirit! Davide: That I made Shitenhouji's captain laugh is a good omen. I'm on top FORM… HEADMASTER! [lit. "I'm in top shape… headmaster",  "kouchou mo kouchou… kouchousensei"] Yuushi: Sigh… You really wouldn't think this was the same person who succeeded in Cutting Down 100 Hyoutei Members Choutaroh: …He's incredibly skilled, for sure… Shiraishi: Hey since you two are both 2nd years, how about you guys have a game against each other? Davide: I'll take you on Choutaroh: If that's the case… I won't lose Davide: Haaa! Choutaroh: Here goes! Davide: I'll return it with a volley Davide: It's a colla-volley-tion… pfft [lit: It's a pun on "collaboration" and "volley" = "koraboreeshon"] Davide: …It's over [To Be Continued]

Cutting Down 100 Men With Puns [part 2]