shower thoughts

Live in the

mollusk

The problem with the Imagine video wasn’t that “celebrities are rich people!” --we already knew that. 

The problem was a group of random celebrities--many of whom are decidedly NOT singers--put out a presumptuous collab that absolutely dripped with the patronizing assumption that it was what we all wanted. 

No one asked for it. It wasn’t their song, they didn’t do an especially good job performing it, and it didn’t impart a particularly relevant message (in fact, one could argue it’s almost inappropriate to sing a song about imagining no heaven when people are dying, and many of the survivors are trying to take comfort in their faith). 

It’s false sentiment delivered by a group of people who are presuming that a syrupy rendition of a well-known and important (or at least important sounding) song performed by well-known and (in their minds) important people would make all of the unimportant little people feel better during a global pandemic.

It was tone deaf (sometimes literally), it was condescending as fuck, and it painted an unintentionally embarrassing picture of inflated self-importance that was really just a bunch of celebrities trying to stay relevant in this time when they’re not getting the amount of attention they’re all used to. 

Backstreet Boys, on the other hand, are a music brand. This is their product. This is what they DO. And the tone of their video is one of “haha, hey, I know we’re not those kids anymore, but here’s some nostalgia we can all laugh at.” They hammed it up, some of them brought their kids into the video, and it was clear throughout all of it they weren’t taking themselves too seriously. They let themselves be the butt of the playful joke, rather than trying to impart a quasi-profound message that wasn’t even theirs to deliver (and didn’t even apply to our current circumstances in any meaningful way).

Musicians offering us their products in videos like this one already have proof that it’s something we want, and they’re doing it to help boost morale and give disappointed fans who are missing out on concerts something for free. 

The Imagine video, by contrast, gave us a steaming heap of nothing so a group of celebs could feel self-important and significant during a time when everyone is suddenly realizing that they aren’t. 

We needed fun and normalcy, they gave it to us and did something good in the meantime. (And also agreed to cover Toxic by Britney Spears.) There was literally no message there beyond “please stay safe and also, if you can, these kids need help.”

One of the lads was over at my London flat the other day, and I Instagrammed a picture of him and said, “Look at this cutie,” and a million outlets reported that I was coming out as gay. I’m not gay, but two of my mates came out when I was 15 and it was a joy to support them because, as a group, we are all secure enough in who we are. I’m certainly not going to stop calling my mates cuties and gorgeous, because they are cuties and they are gorgeous. 

what song makes you feel better?

what’s your feel-good movie?

what’s your favorite candle scent?

what flower would you like to be given?

who do you feel most you around?

say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

what color brings you peace?

tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good. 

what calms you down?

what’s something you’re excited for?

what’s your ideal date?

how are you?

what’s your comfort food?

favorite feel-good show?

for every emoji you get, tag someone and describe them in one word.

compliment the person who sent you this number.

fairy lights or LED lights?

do you still love stuffed animals?

most important thing in your life?

what do you want most in the world right now?

if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

what would you say to your future self?

favorite piece of clothing?

what’s something you do to de-stress?

what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)

what movie would you want to live in?

which character would you want to be?

hugs or hand-holding?

morning, afternoon or night?

So he unplugged the bathtub which was apparently the worst idea he could possibly have because this happened

So he panicked and started asking people on the internet what he should do. Which was also a bad idea.

First suggestion: flush the toilet

This caused a smelly overflow that flooded the whole bathroom.

Second suggestion: vaccum the beads

His vaccum caught fire.

At this point it had actually spread to the neighborhood and people came to ask question but he denied knowing anything about it. He then discovered that it’s invaded the whole sewer system.

And yet, he continued to take suggestion from the internet.

Third suggestion: put salt in

It actually worked. Well, until.

Poop apprently started flooding his house.

And then the streets.

It all happened yesterday so we’re still waiting on an update on the situation but I hadn’t laugh like this in a while.

You should go and watch the whole story (it’s in 4 parts)

It’s in french, but you get it even if you don’t speak it and his screams of panic are hilarious

Word of warning: don’t fill your bathtub with waterbeads. Just don’t.