Growing up bi/pan and Mormon in Texas meant constant crushing shame and self-loathing. I didn't have any framework to understand what I was, so I thought I was disgusting, sinful, and perverted.
When I first heard of bisexuality, I was told it wasn't a real thing like being actually gay, it was just people who were so far off the deep end that they would sleep with anyone or anything.
When I finally saw bi representation in my 20s, when I was already married, I can't even describe what a relief it was to learn that I wasn't a disgusting pervert for having always "liked both."
Then I came out, and it was the loneliest I have ever been.
It was worth it because I could finally stop hating myself for this shameful secret, and a few people I had grown up with in church privately reached out to say they thought they might be the same and didn't have anyone to talk to.
But, I lost my entire community. I had known that I would, but I was comforted by the knowledge that there was community to be had among other queer people who wouldn't be disgusted by my identity like most others in my life.
But it was Covid, so the only queer community I could access was online. As soon as I came out, the algorithms flooded my feed with biphobia. In that vulnerable state, every braindead post about the inane "bi women with boyfriends" discourse was a gut punch, because it made me realize that there was no community for me. I had lost the one I had, and this one didn't want me either.
It turns out that in real life queer community is beautiful. Queer community is about standing together in solidarity, and most people are not biphobic, and they are not interested in being the label cops. Those annoying individuals exist, but they are outnumbered by gorgeous queer people too busy living their own beautiful lives outside of strict boundaries to spend time trying to force reductive limits onto you.
I say this because the internet is constantly platforming all that unoriginal, overplayed, biphobic hack shit, and you need to remember that that is not representative of the vibes in actual queer gathering places. Turn off your phone, unfollow that comedian, and go to a drag show. 💜
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